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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be horrifically angry and upset at my 'friends'..

88 replies

beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:03

I'm 11 weeks pregnant and very hormonal
I've told two of my close friends, and my immediate family (+work) and my DP has told family (inc his bitch of a sister (who's judging me even though she had an unplanned child at 15 and I'm having a nearly planned one at 20)) work, and a few close friends.
I wanted to keep it quiet until my 12 week scan and maybe a bit longer, as I wanted my mum to fully understand before the world knew (she has short term memory loss, so it takes a while for things to sink in.. E.g. You'll now remember that I'm pregnant, whereas I have to tell her everytime I see her)
Somehow my extended friendship group, family, and randomers all seem to know and I'm rather angry.
I KNOW it was dp's sis as she's already admitted to telling a 'few' friends, even though we asked her not to..
Eurgh, I know I'm probs being unreasonable, but I'm really upset about it and dp doesn't understand :(

OP posts:
Original poster
beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:23

jodieharsh yes, I'm only 20. If you think that makes me childish then that's your opinion.
But I have been a full time carer for my disabled mother since I was 15, I have taken on legal gardianship of my brother (and raised him since he was 12) I stood up in court and testified against members of my family, and been in witness protection..
The majority of other people have realised I needed to rant and be told its my hormones..
Get over youself!

Thanks guys, I suppose we have told a lot of people then expected everyone to keep it quiet :/

Next time (and with other big news) I think I'll limit the info sharing to me, DP and my mum; at least until she gets to grips with it :)

OP posts:
JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 09/06/2012 18:25

Actually, you are quite right: it was a disproportionately shitty remark, for which I apologise unreservedly. Congratulations on your pregnancy - I hope you enjoy it all, once the initial hormonal rages wear off!

Ephiny · 09/06/2012 18:25

She should have kept it quiet if you asked her to, but aren't you over-reacting just a bit with being 'horrifically angry', calling her a bitch etc? It sounds like you've told quite a lot of people already anyway!

GnocchiNineDoors · 09/06/2012 18:26

The thing is, you being pregnant is, to you and your DP a Big Deal. Therefore if you want others to keep it to themselves, that makes it a Big Promise you are asking of them.

If you do not want people to know, don't tell anyone.

I hate it when people burden their friends with Big News which they expect to be kept a secret. Whilst I don't gossip with my friends and relatives, most certainly not about stuff like babies, I would have to constantly make sure I was watching what I say and to whom.

If you and your SIL don't get on, you need to separate this from the Baby News.

YourCallIsImportant · 09/06/2012 18:27

A secret is something you tell one person at a time.

Ephiny · 09/06/2012 18:27

Why is your sister 'judging' you anyway? Is there some reason she thinks you shouldn't have a child?

squeakytoy · 09/06/2012 18:28

Can't really see the connection between lots of people knowing, and your mums memory probs.

FairToMiddlin · 09/06/2012 18:29

becca I think that would be sensible.

We also could do with a new Talk Topic of AIBHU (Am I being Hormonally Unreasonable).

I think it would be very popular Smile

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 18:29

What's you're name about then Jodie? Something to do with Jodie Marsh?

Original poster
beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:30

jodie no bad feelings, am just angry @ the world atm i hate hormones

Yes, I over reacted, yes IBU, just needed a rant.
but seriously, its my news to share!!

OP posts:
TalHotBlond · 09/06/2012 18:30

It is unfortunate, especially because of your mum. Do you think people are talking because they are genuinely excited for you or because they think the baby is unplanned and therefore it's all gossip and scandal? If the second Iwould be angry too.

Sadly there isn't much you can do now, the cat is out of the bag and you will just have to let it go with as much of a smile as you can manage and carry on. Try not to take it out on your dp - he can't help who he is related to and putting him in the middle will just make things more awkward for everyone.

Oh and congratulations!

TidyDancer · 09/06/2012 18:31

I'm not sure the 'childish' remarks have come from you being young, rather your handling of the situation.

As others have told you, you have shared this news with many people, it could've come out several ways. It's not really a secret, is it?

I think you need to keep calm with this one. An excited aunt does not a bitch make....

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/06/2012 18:33

But... but you haven't kept it quiet Confused You've told a whole load of people. Keeping it quiet means just that, keeping it quiet. So only people who know are yourself and your DP.

Reminds me of a favourite saying of my gran's. "It's a secret. Only 12 people know."

JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 09/06/2012 18:33

Becca you sound like you're suffering from all the world's PMT rolled into one! I think I am a bit sensitive because as being a veteran failed TTCer I tend to twitch when people who are pregnant get angry about stuff, but that is totally irrational of me (can I blame hormones too?!),since of course being up the spout isn't the cure to all ills! Anyway thank you for being nice about my shittery which I promise is uncharacteristic.

Agent Jodie Harsh is a drag act mimicing Jodie Marsh. Er, which I think shows my level of sophistication and maturity Hmm. I was Jodie Harsh but kept name changing and have now given up, and rolled Jodie into the two other names I've had lately...

FayeGovan · 09/06/2012 18:34

hey op CONGRATULATIONS!!

AND let it out here by all means, we all do it Grin

Original poster
beccabubbless · 09/06/2012 18:34

AIBHU- I would be a perminent fixture!!
squeaky she gets very very upset (which triggers seizures) if she thinks she's forgotten something e.g. Someone saying about me being preg and she doesn't remember.
I didn't want anyone talking to her about it until she had some kind of understanding of it, which I don't think is unreasonable.
ephiny (on my phone, sorry if wrong spelling!) We've never really gotton on but she doesn't think we can afford to support a child even though me and dp both have full time jobs, and support ourselves well. She had a child whilst living at home on benefits with a lot of help from her parents, imo I think she may be a bit jelous that we can 'do it alone' but that's no reason to treat me like I can't do it!

OP posts:
Pochemuchka · 09/06/2012 18:36

I am also 11 weeks pregnant and I believe you are allowed to get annoyed about things no matter how irrational it may be!

I understand that it may be upsetting that people know when you didn't want them to but it's one of those things that if you tell one person there are no guarantees!

Try not to worry about it and enjoy your pregnancy - you can milk it now! :)

TidyDancer · 09/06/2012 18:36

It's not unreasonable that you felt that way about your mum, but honestly, if it was that important to you for that reason, why on earth did you tell so many people?!

AgentZigzag · 09/06/2012 18:37

Grin Jodie.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 09/06/2012 18:37

I think you need to realise that if you want something to remain a secret then you have to tell no-one, or one or two people at most. With the way things spread on facebook, given the number of people you told I am not surprised it has become general knowledge and you shouldn't be either. Wink

Don't go blaming your DP's sister for everything - I am sure she isn't 'judging' you in quite the way you think, even if she is a bit of a cow. You are going to have a tough couple of years ahead of you and you clearly need the support of DPs family and your friends given your own family problems. You really don't need to be making enemies of people unnecessarily. Smile If she really is a bitch then just try to let it wash over you and concentrate on the good relationships in your life. And congratulations. You seem to have had a very rough ride for one so young, so I really hope everything goes well for you from now on.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/06/2012 18:37

BTW You don't sound childish, merely hormonal and unreasonable. You're certainly not the first to get your knickers in a twist about fairly minor things when you're pregnant. Just have a read of some of the ridiculous ishoos people on here have with their loved ones! Grin Yes that includes me Blush

JodieHarshHasALumpyPennie · 09/06/2012 18:38

Agent not until finalising the name did I realise quite how much it sounded like a particularly vibrant array of genital warts. Ah, well...

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 09/06/2012 18:39

Forgot to say in both my posts, congratulations! Smile

lovebunny · 09/06/2012 18:40

pointless worrying, the news is out.

next time, don't tell your dp.

HerMajestyQueenHillyzabethII · 09/06/2012 18:48

But to be fair if your DP is as young as you it will be a struggle financially and you won't be able to 'do it alone' - not by a long shot. How are you going to manage rent and bills once you have gone onto maternity pay? And how will you afford childcare if you go back to work? Do you still live at home with your mother or do you have a house with your DP? Perhaps she is just speaking from bitter experience and trying to warn you that it won't all be a bed of roses (financially speaking).