Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish I could live in the dreamworld of, 'we don't rely on my income'?

125 replies

ash1971 · 08/06/2012 20:26

Completely realise I'm probably BU, but, how do so many people live in this dreamy world? We have 3 dds, DP earns 'national average' - and that's just about enough for bills, food, boring/insurance etc. How do people do it? We don't even have Sky or a tumble dryer FGS and I work ft as a teacher. Not that I'm at all bitter - grr, grrr, . . . .And before anyone starts ranting about teachers' holidays - I'm armed with a bottle of wine!

OP posts:
VivaLeBeaver · 08/06/2012 20:29

WhAt is national wage, I haven idea if my dh earns it or over. I suspect slightly over. We don't rely on my wage but then we only have one child as we decided we couldn't really afford any more. We could have afforded more I suppose but would have seen a drop in lifestyle. Oh and I don't drink wine. Wink

DontmindifIdo · 08/06/2012 20:29

well, at the risk of sounding a bit smug, the national average is just that, the average, therefore a lot of people earn more than that, like my DH does.

Plus we bought a smaller house than we could have on the understanding we could afford it on just DH's wage, which is good, as childcare takes most of mine. I do still work, although we don't rely on my income, it's paying for our holiday and buys fun things, but we don't need it for bills or food or other useful stuff.

hermioneweasley · 08/06/2012 20:31

I guess other people living on one income spend less or earn more than you.

Chubfuddler · 08/06/2012 20:33

Well, we don't rely on my income either, although if it helps I don't have a tumble dryer. Or Sky. and we've decided a third child is too much of a stretch, financially. DH owns his own business and I'm a solicitor. Without wishing to sound smug, we probably warn more than you and your husband.

Meh. You made different choices, that's all.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/06/2012 20:34

You know how people afford it really though, don't you op?

They live in a household where someone has a high income, or they live in a household where outgoings are very low (some people might be mortgage-free, for instance).

Chubfuddler · 08/06/2012 20:34

*earn

Shakey1500 · 08/06/2012 20:36

I live in that dreamworld....now. But when we started out, we were a million miles away from it. Like Viva I only have one child (Dh has two from previous relationship) so we couldn't afford any more, and I was happy to have just one. We scrimped and saved for many years, forgoing anything that would be classed as a luxury.

Years down the line DH works full time, I have a part time job at the weekend. Whilst we don't "need" my wage, I enjoy my job, DH gets to spend quality time with DS, and my wage goes towards holidays and other extras...like wine Grin

Yama · 08/06/2012 20:36

Surely as a teacher you earn more than the national average? Therefore it is your dh's income that you don't rely on.

suzikettles · 08/06/2012 20:38

So many variables. But yes, number of children, wage of each partner, size of house, location, differences in terms of what people regard as "essentials" etc etc etc.

"Funnily" enough (not actually that funny), dh has recently had an extended period of sick leave paid at SSP, which his work has been less than scrupulous about processing, and once everything has been pared down to the essentials we have realised that we don't actually rely on his wage (thank fuck). Last year I'd have said that we did. Last year was more fun and a lot less stressful though.

mrsaligee · 08/06/2012 20:44

I'm with ash1971. I have to work full time, DH earns national average and I'd like to live in that dreamworld. However, bless him he is applying for jobs left, right and centre and had been offered one, which is a great springboard. So I'm hoping I don't have to stay fulltime forever ...

quickhide · 08/06/2012 20:44

We don't rely on my income cos it's crap! Just about covers 2 lots of childcare with not a lot left.

If you can afford to work with 3 kids you should think yourself lucky- I imagine you either earn a decent wage or have family to help with childcare. Either way, good on you!

angelicstar · 08/06/2012 20:49

I dont have an income as i am a sahm and we can afford to do so as we are fortunate enough not to have a mortgage due to an inheritance dh recieved. Its luck of the drawer really depending on peoples circumstance. We still have to live fairly frugally though.

Dprince · 08/06/2012 20:53

We don't rely on my income either. But its only been like that for a year or so. We have spent the best part of 11 years scrapping together everything and anything watching every penny. We made a good choice and saved up everthing to invest in a business. Its already paid back what we put in and give us a decent income.
On the flip side, if we were to have more children. We would start relying on our wage. We also have an almost 7 year gap between the two we have. Because of finances. We took a risk and could have lost our house and emptied savings but it worked. I will mention the holidays you get, its a perk of your job. the perk of dhs is money. But he works 5/6 nights a week and rarely gets a week off.

Original poster
ash1971 · 08/06/2012 20:55

Chubfuddler - Meh. You made different choices, that's all. - - Yup. Those bloody choices!

Yama - Surely as a teacher you earn more than the national average? Therefore it is your dh's income that you don't rely on. - - Good point . . .although, having just come off maternity leave, I've quite enjoyed that experience of doing my own thing - damn, it's those darn choices again. Suppose I'll have just have to grin and bear it. Quite like having the odd moan though . . .

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 08/06/2012 20:57

Moan away.

ColinFirthsGirth · 08/06/2012 21:13

Yes, it depends on choices and circumstances.

I would like to point out though that my dh earns ALOT LESS than the national average and we do have a mortgage and high council tax etc but we can still live on just one wage. Any money I make as a self employed therapist is a bonus. So it isn't necessarily the case that people in this situation have high eages or no mortgage etc.

OP - I do understand you wanting to have a moan every so often but remember that it probably won't always be like this, things may well get easier as the kids get older and need less childcare etc. The one thing that keeps me positive is never forgetting that there are many people that live a much worse life (with less money than) than we do.

I also totally believe in the saying that to feel rich one has to either earn more or want less.

EBDTeacher · 08/06/2012 21:15

DH and I are both teachers. He is a deputy head in the Independent sector. I am in a senior, specialist role in the state sector.

We make ends meet and a little over to be able to shop in Waitrose. We are only having one child who will be privately educated. We have pensions at the moment. We own a 2 bed semi in the commuter belt and can't concieve of upsizing. We have two old cars. We plan one decent longhaul holiday every 3-5 years.

That is what we can afford. Doesn't seem like much for a lot of hard work but it's so comfortable compared to what others have that it is impossible to complain.

We both missed our vocations. He wishes he was an architect and I wish I was a Clinical Psychologist. We'd both be more fulfilled and we'd have a bunch more money. But nobody gives you a crystal ball to look into when you are 18 do they? C'est la vie.

dreamingofsun · 08/06/2012 21:20

all depends on your outgoings. my husband earns a lot more than national average but because of our outgoings (2 cars, 2 places to live during the week, a nanny) we've still been fairly broke. as the children have got older and childcare costs less, and mortgage is less (in real terms) things have got much better. i think this is fairly normal - so in a few years you will probably be in a much easier financial position

Shelly32 · 08/06/2012 21:25

I'm a teacher and I rely on my husband's income! Wow..when did teachers start to earn such a great wage? WE can't afford to pay our mortgage (it's not a big one) and do what a lot of other people I know can do!

Shelly32 · 08/06/2012 21:26

I do only work 3 days though as I want to be there for my girls as much as we can afford to do

CailinDana · 08/06/2012 21:32

I think it depends a lot on your lifestyle. My DH earns a little less than 30k and I'm a SAHM. We manage just fine, but we deliberately chose to live in a cheap area so we have a small mortgage and we currently don't have a car. We don't go on holidays but that doesn't bother me at all. It's more important that I can live my life the way I want to, and that involves having all the time in the world to be with my son when he's little. That is a massive luxury and I consider myself incredibly lucky. I am very happy.

ColinFirthsGirth · 08/06/2012 21:34

It is all relative Shelly32!
Compared to some wages a teachers wage is low but even a newly qualified teachers wage is alot more than my dh's wage and many other full-time workers.

Original poster
ash1971 · 08/06/2012 21:34

I used to do 3 days - what a lovely balance - but upped my hours gradually and school have now made it clear, in no uncertain terms, that my position is a full-time one. Like work, but don't like having no/little choice - I think that's my main problem. I would, though, love not having to work. While I'm at it, I'd also love: a tumble dryer, a bedroom each, a holiday a year, a new coat, a new home for our rabbit, . . . .

OP posts:
ClaireBunting · 08/06/2012 21:36

You might earn an average wage, but do you have an average number of children?

Original poster
ash1971 · 08/06/2012 21:38

Oooh - I think we might be slightly over. But not unusually so, I don't think.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread