to wish I could live in the dreamworld of, 'we don't rely on my income'?

[ash1971]

Completely realise I'm probably BU, but, how do so many people live in this dreamy world? We have 3 dds, DP earns 'national average' - and that's just about enough for bills, food, boring/insurance etc. How do people do it? We don't even have Sky or a tumble dryer FGS and I work ft as a teacher. Not that I'm at all bitter - grr, grrr, . . . .And before anyone starts ranting about teachers' holidays - I'm armed with a bottle of wine!

I was thinking the same as LucieMay, what on earth are you spending your money on? National average is about £26k isn't it? Our joint income is just under that and we are quite comfortable, despite fairly high housing costs (£800 a month).

Goodness HQS I could have written that post

I'm not in that dream world but I'm aiming for something similar. DP and I spent 5 years in a tiny, damp 1 bed flat living off my income and acquiring debt so he could finish a PhD. No way we could afford DC then. Now he's been in work 18 months, we're in a 3 bed house (still renting though :( ), have four month old DD and his salary has just overtaken mine and is increasing much faster (I'm a civil servant so on a pay freeze). My hope is that he'll soon earn enough for me to go PT, or take a lower paid job in a cheaper area. Unless that happens, future DC are not an option...

Everyone I know does it with a dh or dp on less than national average and them on benefits and tcs

YABU... why would anyone be upset that they work for a living? Would you prefer to be prevented from working and made financially dependent on some man?

in my experience, people spend to their wage

so if two people earn, two wages get spend
if one earns, then you manage on one wage

it depends on what extras you want

No Cognito - it's great we have more choices than 60 years ago, but it doesn't stop us having dreams of not having to budget or dreams of a house where everything you wanted to get done, actually has been done, or not having to work in the evenings or weekends when you'd rather be spending time with your children or doing a hobby, or just relaxing.
I often catch myself dreaming of how much I need to "win" to be able to give up work and do all the things I never have time for in my current life, and I'm lucky enough to have a job I really enjoy. Other days I have a little fantasy of how I'd spend a massive lottery win (I don't even play so I'm not sure how that's going to happen ).

My job isn't a little add on to my husbands. I worked long and hard to get my qualifications and I am incredibly proud of them. That doesn't alter the fact I don't need to work.

I think having a smallish mortgage and no debt helps.

DH earns around 18k and I'm a SAHM. In reality we don't actually have a small mortgage (bought house at market peak a few years back) but we switched to interest only a couple of years ago because basically I had PND, was off sick from work and now cannot get another job in my chosen profession. Interest only is generally thought of as a mugs game but to be honest it's enabled me to SAH with the kids and not worry about working.

DH and I are relatively young, and even if I was to have another 5 years off (which is what I'm planning) then I still have a good 30 years to pay off the capital before I retire.

We don't have luxuries, no holidays had for several years, either abroad or caravan etc in the UK, no Sky, second hand clothes, no takeaways, no alcohol (really, none), and a house with stained carpets and a sagging bed because the only way we could replace them now is by getting into debt (which is not an option, debt is for emergencies only in our house!) (except the fucking huge mortgage! )

So no, in my world we don't rely on my income, but it took some serious mental health issues to get here and a lot more on top of that. It's not always rosy to be honest and I appreciate, OP, that it's lack of choice in a lot of people's situations. But theirs lack of choice in mine too. I'd love a three day a week job where I could nip to Tesco's on the way home and buy a bottle of wine without thinking about it. But since I had six months on the sick and was 'let go' by my employers on sickness grounds, no one will touch me with a friggin barge pole

op, if this is a serious rather than a fun thread then please head over to the money saving expert website.

ime if you dont have debts paying out more than say £100pcm, you have children and earn at or nearish 25000 including tax credits etc, and you pay rent or mortgage, it will not normally be NECESSARY for you to have additional income - if youre really serious about it you could probably do it with some lifestyle changes without feeling too hard up

To give you an idea of income, we had two children and used to qualify for working family tax credits (not a huge amount), were paying a mortgage and running a car plus a UK holiday each year - as well as feeling okay financially we managed to save to pay off the mortgage over a number of years.

We are NOT well off but it is definitely possible but depends on lifestyle - we had no sky, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no magazines, no expensive hobbies, no tuition or nursery fees and no cheese strings/fruit shoots etc!!!

yes to stick man, no buying stuff from dunelm or top shop just cos you're in town etc - as new clothes and kids shoes from Ebay and car boot - buying new only to top up the missing items - a budget for absolutely everything (I have over half a dozen bank accounts!!!)

cogito, conversely, why would anyone not be upset because they cant be a sahm if thats what they want?

womens lib isnt about women being the same as men, its about women having choices and not being forced to conform by, for example, going to work when theyd rather stay at home and raise babies if they are able to do so

Agrees with chubfudler. A lot also depends on priorities.

giraffe17 'a budget for absolutely everything'

I love a good spreadsheet

My husband and I work both work in specialist areas where supply is way less than demand and so the pay is good.

I don't consider us lucky, we just made different choices early on and this is how it panned out.

We don't need my income (or his, depending on which way you look at it) but I wanted to go back to work so I wasn't out of work too long.

It's not exactly a dreamworld for everyone in that position. We don't rely on my income because, like a previous poster, after childcare and work related expenses, it is almost non-existent.

My income allows us to break even fairly consistently. When we don't have it we will finish the month down if there are unexpected extra expenses.

That's so harsh of your school, have you tried submitting a part-time request in writing?

The reason I ask is that a close friend of mine was working ft and suggested to the head going down to pt... and lets just say he didn't react very well. However she submitted her request in writing (and cc'd the appropriate people) and discovered that actually it was not that much of a problem.

Might not help the money problems but will make you more time rich which might just be enough to help you out for the time being. (Gives you more time to shop around for the best deals anyway)!

you cut your cloth. dh earns way less than the national average. we still pay the mortgage and bills, support kids in uni and get very little in TC as only one child qualifies now.
No holidays, no new clothes, no makeup. The mortgage eats half our income but its paying for a house so money well spent.
You just have to be boringly frugal. And it is boring and tedious.
We didnt actually make a choice to be like this. DH was on his way to become a HRT payer. Then things went tits up.

OP, you have three children - its not rocket science when planning that many that it will cost a lot in outgoings. Would you allow your husband to stop working if you didnt rely on his income whilst you continued to work? Somehow I doubt it.

Surely both adults would want to contribute to their living costs rather than put all the pressure on one person or other tax payers. If anything happens, at least there is another income in the household.

Those that live off another adult put themselves in a precarious position should the relationship ever break down.

thankyou for that sage advice happymummy. Some people have damn good reasons they cannot work in a partnership or marriage. And, if I didnt do what I did DH couldnt work. If I left, despite my non-paid working status, he'd be fucked and have to give up work.

National average has to be considered to average house price in your area.

We live in the south east but very close to work so no travel to work costs and not smart clothes required, makes life much cheaper. We bought 10 years ago - couldn't afford even a 2 bed flat now

We are cramped but life is affordable, I didn't work for 6 years, have 4 dc, but the CTC were higher then doubt we could do the same now if we had just started having dc.

Giraffe17 Agree with you 100%

I don't get it... I suspect I am being thick, but if you can afford childcare for three children, then surely both of you must be earning well above national average, to make you both being in full time work worthwhile?

With childcare costs so high, I wonder why there aren't more threads from people wondering how so many families can afford to have both parents working...? Just me?

BigBangTheory that's why I didn't work, even working part time and paying for childcare for 1 at school and 3 with a CM just wasn't a viable option apart from to keep my foot in the door - not to mention the stress of working as well as everything else.

Especially when you rarely get an undisturbed nights sleep!

We work out everything based on DH's income only, because we are lucky enough that we can. It means that we don't have new cars because farm machinery comes first, "expensive" holidays twice a year or live the high life, but it means that we are comfortable and can do what we want, when we want to.

We are lucky, but we've had to make hard decisions to get to that position over the last couple of years & it is a result of circumstances where we had no choice - I was/am freelance and couldn't work for 6 months due to ill health for e.g.