to think it's not the baby's fault?

[WifiNappies]

So we've had:

• Propped up on sofa and just left while he went to do something and surprise she tumbled off

• Put in bouncy chair but not bothered to strap in so she tumbled forward onto tiled floor

• (tonight) Left on bed while he turned back to do something and surprise she tumbled head first onto floor

Apparently all these times it was her fault, not his. I know he feels bad but still take some f'ing responsibility. She's 8mo btw.

He hardly ever has sole responsibility for her but when he does something seems to happen. He's also spent 8 months questioning (passive aggressively, not directly) what I do all day and why didn't I just leave her for an hour while I mowed the lawn etc.

Is this kind of fuckwittism common or is he unique or am I being PFB?

I was going to ask the same, has he ever actually admitted fault and apologised? Or does he (working a hunch here) sulk, shout or bully until you are so overwhelmed that you give in and say sorry to him even though you did nothing wrong, just to keep the peace?

Dysfunctional at best.....

He sounds like a mean man

Another thought, has he been "me me me" since the baby came? Have you been accused of not paying enough attention? Not enough sex? Loving the baby more than him?

Or has he always been a twat?

fuckwit. Who on earth blames a 8mo baby?

Blimey, this is fierce on here isn't it. He is in the wrong sure, but how is all this further aggression going to help? I'll slink off back to the cleaning threads...

Good luck OP, some of us find it harder than others this parenting malarkey

everybodyssleepyeyed, DS was screaming when he brought him home but he didn't tell me what had happened until much later. He'd do that a lot, drop him off the couch and not tell me until days later etc

Quel fuckwit. C'est un fuckwit enorme. There are a lot of male fuckwits around who are incapable of appreciating what it is to parent a child. Let's face it women, an awful lot of men do not want to look after their own children and will endeavour to be so hopeless at it that the child's mother will not ask again. Thus the fuckwit man can go on asking why on earth his supper isn't ready the minute he walks in the door. I know there are men who take a full, responsible role in the care of their children but there are many more who do not.

He never says he was wrong even if the evidence is overwhelming.

I am a people pleaser and I will back down to avoid confrontation. So yes he bullies me til I admit blame (not really a sulker and very rarely shouts). It's more an intangible bullying! Hard to explain but I'm really starting to question my relationship!

That doesn't sound good Wifi

I know he's a wanker but i picture him running up the stairs five times to check on his baby too

If he doesn't accept blame then he won't learn. And you need to not back down - you can't be a people pleaser if it means he never has to face up to acting in the best interests of your child. Why back down?

DS1 fell off the bed once, in the time it took for me to put my t-shirt over my head. I was devastated and didn't make that mistake again. So to do it again and again and blame the baby is VU.

DH once blamed me for DS5 rolling down the stairs. I was outside saying goodbye to guests, he was in the house with the kids! Needless to say I told him exactly who's fault it was! Then we got a stairgate.

Bullies are insecure, so you have one hell of a job here...

Seems to me sometimes on these boards that we have to parent the children and parent the spouse

TSC that's what I don't get - why isn't he on it??! He's not stupid, he's not especially young (47). She's my first DC but he has 2 others and did the whole "I know better than you" thing. To be blunt I thought he'd be better than this.

Get the health visitor in to discuss with him how to keep a baby safe. He is 100% responsible.

That's the crux of it then isn't it? He did the "I know better than you" and he's falling on his arse, meanwhile you are doing brilliantly.

These are accidents that can happen to anyone, but are all totally avoidable and it's down the adult, not the child to take responsibility. Your DH is a twat but maybe he feels guilty and this is his way of dealing with it- by blaming it on the baby

The correct way it should happen IMO is how DH and I did it this morning. He opens a door and doesn't notice DD behind the door, skins her toe under the door. She cries (she only cries when really hurt, she's a little toughy). He is mortified and says, "I've skinned her toe, it was all my fault". Me: "Honey, you didn't notice her and she walked behind the door". Him: "Do you think she's OK?". Me: "She's stopped crying, she's fine". End. Of. Conversation. DD didn't get blamed, she's 18 months old. I didn't get blamed. DH blamed himself and will be more careful next time.

I think you have big issues with your DH. He is acting like a bloody child, trying to blame his younger sibling.

He sounds abusive. Emotionally/verbally abusive of you, and neglectful of his child. You could read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, which might help you identify the ways he mistreats you.

www.amazon.co.uk/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

It might seem like petty incidents to you now, but you are modelling the relationships your child will follow when older, so it would be better to be single than with an abusive man (it's rare they're truly willing to change, so don't get your hopes up on that score).

I would also try to arrange for the HV to come round and bollock him. He might not accept it from you but maybe if he has someone in authority call him on it it might make him think.

Oh no, poor you, poor baby.

She's not safe with him, is she?

This isn't looking good for any of you, you really can't trust him with her and he isn't respecting what you do for her.

I hate to say this, usually I hope there is a way forward for couples who are falling out, but it doesn't look good. I think he'll be v dismissive if you tell him how serious this is, but do keep hold of the fact that your baby's wellbeing is at stake.