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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it's not the baby's fault?

78 replies

WifiNappies · 08/06/2012 20:24

So we've had:

  • Propped up on sofa and just left while he went to do something and surprise she tumbled off
  • Put in bouncy chair but not bothered to strap in so she tumbled forward onto tiled floor
  • (tonight) Left on bed while he turned back to do something and surprise she tumbled head first onto floor

Apparently all these times it was her fault, not his. I know he feels bad but still take some f'ing responsibility. She's 8mo btw.

He hardly ever has sole responsibility for her but when he does something seems to happen. He's also spent 8 months questioning (passive aggressively, not directly) what I do all day and why didn't I just leave her for an hour while I mowed the lawn etc.

Is this kind of fuckwittism common or is he unique or am I being PFB?

OP posts:
G1nger · 08/06/2012 20:41

Accidents happen- of course they do. But it would be a shame not to add that he's a fuckwit ;) No one's asking him to wrap her in cotton wool. Is he waiting for a bad injury before he takes responsibility?

misslinnet · 08/06/2012 20:43

Sounds like an idiot.

An 8 month old baby can't be blamed for tumbling off beds and sofas and bouncy chairs.

Once could be an accident on the adults part, but you'd expect most adults to have learnt better after the first time.

TandB · 08/06/2012 20:43

He needs to sort himself out. I am very, very far from being the world's most careful parent but this is utter fuckwittery.

I know someone through work whose nephew was left on a changing table and rolled off and tragically died after landing badly. Accidents happen (I dropped DS1 off my knee at 2 weeks old) but there is no need to court them by doing this sort of thing constantly.

Mama1980 · 08/06/2012 20:45

He's a total idiot! You are not being pfb. Accidents happen to everyone but 3 times when they could be easily prevented that's ridiculous.

Katienana · 08/06/2012 20:45

I would be fuming, the fucking idiot. Never mind aybu, what are you going to do? I wouldn't be able to trust him.

DailyMailSpy · 08/06/2012 20:46

Yanbu, my DS was only a few weeks old when his dad took him a walk so I could get some rest. He didn't strap him in to the buggy, then walked up a hill and the cossie toes and DS fell out, he ran over DS with buggy, stepped on cossie toes himself, then walked up the street for 5 minutes before realising ds was gone.

He then ran back to the hill frantically searching and found DS wrapped up in the cossie toes lying on the hill.

Needless to say he is now an ex.

Original poster
WifiNappies · 08/06/2012 20:46

Yes I often take the blame because it's just easier sometimes. I think I've encouraged his way of thinking.

He's just been to check her for the 5th time since she went to bed so I'm sure he feels bad but I wish he'd just admit to it and the fact it's his fault. If I try to suggest ways to ensure it doesn't happen again I get told to stop treating him like an idiot but tbh if you act like a monkey you should expect to be fed bananas.

OP posts:
EverybodysSleepyEyed · 08/06/2012 20:53

Daily - my jaw dropped - was DS ok?

OP - Accidents happen so i wouldn't call him a fuckwit for that

but he is one for blaming an 8m old! My DD is 23m and bashes her head or falls over something on a daily basis if she's not watched like a hawk - even then we never blame her!

Re 'what do you do all day?' - how about 'I spend my time making sure DD doesn't get any head injuries'

bogeyface · 08/06/2012 20:54

But by letting him blame you he never takes any responsibility. Do you want your DD to grow up to be his next whipping "boy"?

Original poster
WifiNappies · 08/06/2012 20:54

Yes I often take the blame because it's just easier sometimes. I think I've encouraged his way of thinking.

He's just been to check her for the 5th time since she went to bed so I'm sure he feels bad but I wish he'd just admit to it and the fact it's his fault. If I try to suggest ways to ensure it doesn't happen again I get told to stop treating him like an idiot but tbh if you act like a monkey you should expect to be fed bananas.

OP posts:
TramadolJacket · 08/06/2012 20:58

Well, accidents do happen to be fair and if he is rarely responsible for your DD then perhaps he just isn't aware of what she is capable of? If he is actually blaming your DD and refusing to accept responsibility however then of course YANBU

Original poster
WifiNappies · 08/06/2012 20:59

My god the horror stories Shock

He's saying "I will never be alone with her again" which I know is guilt and shock but not very realistic.

The sound when she hit the floor was horrifying (i was downstairs, its a high bed) How could he think it's ok to leave a very active and curious 8mo like that ffs.

OP posts:
Brices · 08/06/2012 21:03

If it was me:-

I would talk to him about how I accidentally hurt DD and how I felt bad about it. Bit manipulative, but then again if you want emotional intelligence / literacy sometimes you have to demonstrate how its done?

Then he would see that I'm not perfect, allow him to open up...

Then must follow this conversation with how wonderful DD is and how great to both parent her. (You can see where I'm going) the good bits he does as a parent, how much he loves her....

G1nger · 08/06/2012 21:03

He's a melodramatic twat. Tell him to grow up and act like a parent.

1950sHousewife · 08/06/2012 21:04

I think I have left my DD to bump herself when she was a baby. I remember her lip bleeding i think.

Perhaps now is the time to not think of him as a fuckwit but be firm in pointing out accidents will happen, so they don't need any help from parents by leaving babies in precarious positions and to always be a bit 'Health and Safety' when a baby is around.

bogeyface · 08/06/2012 21:04

Its not guilt and shock.

Its him getting what he wants, which is to not have to look after the baby.

I smell "I cant do it so you will have to"................

bogeyface · 08/06/2012 21:06

Incidentally, when was the last time he went out for social reasons and left you with the baby awake? And when was the last time you went out in the same circumstances?

Hassled · 08/06/2012 21:08

I think bogeyface is right. Too much scary responsibility, so act like a reckless twat, so scary responsibility taken away and job done. He need to grow the fuck up.

PollyLove · 08/06/2012 21:10

Oh my god do we share the same DP?! We've had identical incidents and get the same comments about staying at home. Could scream sometimes.

splashymcsplash · 08/06/2012 21:10

He's an idiot. Making a mistake is understandable and happens to everyone, but not learning from it is inexcusable.

On the bouncer topic you can get ones which last far longer - mine is till age 3 and is more like a mini rocking chair. Dd just gets in and out herself @ 20 months.

Original poster
WifiNappies · 08/06/2012 21:11

I think he does blame himself but won't admit it out loud which adds insult to (DD's) injury.

He has a habit of twisting things so for example if I did something in a weeks time that was much lesser he would massively berate me and also underplay the comparative seriousness of today's events, and I would be cowed.

Does this sound dysfunctional or normal?

OP posts:
Brices · 08/06/2012 21:11

Or he could need a helping hand?

Brices · 08/06/2012 21:13

He's overwhelmed?
Why am I feeling sorry for this guy?
Think I like the underdog

nocake · 08/06/2012 21:13

I'm a dad of a 17 month old and I think he sounds like an ignorant idiot who needs to man up and take some responsibility. If he wants to be a boy all his life then kick him out, otherwise he needs to realise that he has a child to take care of (no, it's not your job. It's the job of both parents) so he has to behave like a man.

CailinDana · 08/06/2012 21:14

That sounds dysfunctional Wifi. Does he ever say "I was wrong, sorry"?

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