Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU about kids not being invited to an anniversary party in the day?

96 replies

CrapBag · 07/06/2012 21:03

Ok ok, I know. Its not my party, people can invite who they want and I am all for that. However I am slightly miffed about this.

DH's uncle and aunt have an anniversary party coming up. We got the invite and it only had DH and my name on it. I told DH that meant the kids (4 and 1) are not invited. DH didn't believe me and said he was sure they were.

I asked him to check and he finally got around to it.

I was right, they are not invited because there is going to be a barn dance with adults dancing so no young children are allowed. This is on a Sunday afternoon. I would have understood more if it was a late night party or something but it isn't.

Does this seem like a bit of a shit excuse not to invite children? Or young children as we have been told, I am taking it from this that older children are allowed to go. Surely we can control if our children are about to run in front of some barn dancing adults.

I know its nothing to do with me and its not my guest list but it just seemed a bit 'off' that family children aren't allowed for this ridiculous reason (btw ours are the only children in the family so its not like it is going to be overrun with young children running around).

OP posts:

Hullygully · 08/06/2012 11:33

See I think one adapts one house for ALL the guests, if you have an elderly or infirm person coming you make sure there isa suitable chair (near the loo!), nothing to trip on, someone on hand to look after and fetch stuff, why not be equally accommodating for a child? I genuinely don't geddit.

Hullygully · 08/06/2012 11:34

Annie that is very sad, but I can honestly say that of the thousands of parties and events with people of all ages that I have attended all over the world, nothing like that has ever happened ever ever..

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 08/06/2012 11:36

I wouldn't go to a barn dance full stop.
My idea of hell.

Hullygully · 08/06/2012 11:39

will no one think of the (univited) children?

bigjoeent · 08/06/2012 11:39

Hully, children are different, an elderly relative isn't going to do something daft, young children do. Even at home I constantly have to keep an eye on safety as they grow up and can now reach higher shelves, move things etc I wouldn't expect that someone would be able to safety proof a house sufficiently, if they get the main things thats nice and I can relax a bit but its no guarantee. That is why I like going to houses where they have children too, I can relax a bit more.

Annie, that is awful, one of the reasons I hate BBQs and children.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 08/06/2012 11:39

Agree with bigjoeent. Trying to have a good time while looking after DD is an impossible juggling act, especially with husband off doing his own thing getting pissed.

Also agree with Hully, I don't really get it either. I do think there is a general consensus among some people that having any kids around at a party is too much hassle regardless of how those kids would behave. It's a shame.

I wouldn't go - out of principle and barn dances are shite.

youarekidding · 08/06/2012 11:48

We also do shifts for watching the children here. We are 4 generations, with my Nan being the head, her 7 children and their DW/H's, their children with their DH/W's and then the GGC who are aged between 9 and 4 months!!

Everybody relaxes and has fun and generally 1 of us who owns a GGC will be near the children at all times. Often 2 of us so we can chat.

I don't 'get' why they would exclude children myself but do agree you should just not go.

It may be your presence makes other family members re think this attitude in future - hell they may even ask hosts where you are and show their disapproval when/ if they say your not there because the children weren't invited.

Generally al our children are very well behaved at parties - I like to think this is because they have always been included and learnt how or behave and what happens if they don't!

BaronessBomburst · 08/06/2012 11:49

Wasn't there a thread once about someone's elderly relative who pee'd in a bucket in the kitchen because the OP's house wasn't suitable....?

Ephiny · 08/06/2012 11:53

I don't think it would never have occurred to me to invite children to a party I was organising. And I don't think my wedding anniversary has anything to do with 'families' or other people's kids, what a strange idea.

Maybe their 'reason' is just an excuse anyway, so not much point arguing about that. When planning our wedding, if people asked about bringing children (we hadn't invited any) we just said something about it not being a child-friendly venue (steep steps, no space to run around, deep water outside etc). Of course our main reason was that we just didn't want kids there, but we were trying to be polite about it and hope people got the hint!

Hullygully · 08/06/2012 11:58

I knew I couldn't be the only one...

WithACherryOnTop · 08/06/2012 12:12

YABU.There's nothing wrong with wanting to have a party sans children. It's fine for you to decline the invite though. I would,but not because of the children,but because barn dancing is my idea of hell.

NarkedRaspberry · 08/06/2012 12:17

It's a barn dance? I would kiss the heads of my small, uninvited children and thank every god out there that I had an excuse to stay at home.

Original poster

CrapBag · 08/06/2012 12:28

"It's a barn dance? I would kiss the heads of my small, uninvited children and thank every god out there that I had an excuse to stay at home"

Do you know what!!! I didn't think of it like that!!

Barn dancing does sound like my idea of hell so I should be glad that I have a good excuse not to go (I'm not going, DH will have to go on his own if he wishes to go).

His family are a bit miserable anyway and DH says is himself. He doesn't enjoy spending too much time with them and I said I was going to arrange something with our friends that weekend as it will be the first weekend after they all start school. DH said he would rather spend the time with our friends.

BTW, It is a family party and ours are the only young children which is why I am miffed (just answering some of the posts). I accept that IABU but I also will refuse to go because of them being excluded. We are not the sort of parents that leave our kids for others to watch and DH's family certainly wouldn't take any role in that anyway. I also don't drink if the kids are with me so its not like I would be getting pissed and dancing. I laughed at the post that said who would watch the kids whilst me and DH are dancing. Not a chance in hell would that happen even if we didn't have kids. I bet SIL is kicking herself that she is so anti-child she has no excuse to get out of it whereas I have.

Thanks for your replies everyone. Probably the first time I have accepted that IABU.

OP posts:

NUFC69 · 08/06/2012 12:56

Next month my DH and I will be celebrating our fortieth wedding anniversary. We have already decided that we are going away for a long weekend with our two married children (and their 16th month old and new baby), my sister and her husband (and her two married children and their one year old). Because of logistics we are actually going away in the autumn, having a large house and spending the time together. It never occurred to me not to include my wider family and children. Our anniversary is a celebration of our life together and that life has included our family and will go on to include their families. We live in different parts of the country and occasions like this are now the only time we all get together.

So, op, I don't think you are being unreasonable to all.

ChaoticismyLife · 08/06/2012 13:06

Another one here who's with ENorma

I also agree with what knowitall and Maryz have said.

Personally OPC don't bother me at parties, I just leave them for their parents to deal with. Most of my socialisiing has been done with my DC over the years, until they got old enough to leave for a few hours and since then I've done more without them (general socialising, not just parties).

Having said that if I decide to have a party/meal/event of some sort for my birthday and I want a child free event then I'll do so.

YABU

YouOldSlag · 08/06/2012 13:18

NUFC69- Congratulations! I love the sound of your anniversary. You sound like my kind of person.

NUFC69 · 08/06/2012 14:52

Youoldslag - thanks very much. Can't understand where all the time has gone, though, to be honest. And, by the way, the new baby has just arrived, at lunchtime today - a baby girl, weighing 8 lbs 10 oz. Yippee - my first grand daughter.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 08/06/2012 14:55

YABU. It's not your party to decide.

YouOldSlag · 08/06/2012 17:17

How wonderful. A little granddaughter- I am sure she won't be excluded from any party you throw! Congratulations.

blueglue · 08/06/2012 17:29

As a rule, I do feel a bit of a miserable old git towards other people's children who are younger than mine. For the same reasons as above - mine are no longer little babies/toddlers and I have had enough of that stage. However, family children are different and if my SIL has a baby then I will put my miserable old git feelings aside and always include the child because it's family.

Maryz · 08/06/2012 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4