AIBU about kids not being invited to an anniversary party in the day?

[CrapBag]

Ok ok, I know. Its not my party, people can invite who they want and I am all for that. However I am slightly miffed about this.

DH's uncle and aunt have an anniversary party coming up. We got the invite and it only had DH and my name on it. I told DH that meant the kids (4 and 1) are not invited. DH didn't believe me and said he was sure they were.

I asked him to check and he finally got around to it.

I was right, they are not invited because there is going to be a barn dance with adults dancing so no young children are allowed. This is on a Sunday afternoon. I would have understood more if it was a late night party or something but it isn't.

Does this seem like a bit of a shit excuse not to invite children? Or young children as we have been told, I am taking it from this that older children are allowed to go. Surely we can control if our children are about to run in front of some barn dancing adults.

I know its nothing to do with me and its not my guest list but it just seemed a bit 'off' that family children aren't allowed for this ridiculous reason (btw ours are the only children in the family so its not like it is going to be overrun with young children running around).

an anniversary party is very much a family thing by it's very nature. I mean it's to do with continuity and two families being joined

No, it's to do with two individuals who loved each other and wanted to be together. Continuity? Is this the assumption that they will go on to have children? This is an argument I see a lot on wedding threads, that a wedding is a family event because it is two people starting their own family. Not everyone will have children!

A birthday party could be considered a family thing, couldn't it, because let's face it, without a mother and a father, and their parents, you would not exist. But I am yet to meet someone who invites their mum, dad and GPs to every birthday party. What makes people think that a wedding, where the two people involved were grown ups and therefore family had less to do with the occasion, is more of a 'family' event than a birthday? Just that birthday parties are common and it is acceptable to, shock horror, spend the day how you wish.

Two people want to celebrate something that is important to them in a way that will make them happy. I cannot see the problem in this. I also cannot see a problem with someone choosing not to go.

Baroness AND the best part is, can wave them at DP when he gets out of the shower and waves his bits at me.

Seriously though, Maryz hasa point. If they are older they probably don't want to spend their own party worrying about small children's safety. So o the basis that they're awesome people who care about child safety, YABU.

BRB going to get one of our smaller cacti and attack DP with it for lying on my brand new couch naked!

Was DP lying naked on your new couch not an attractive sight then?

Not after he's just had a soapy shower and decides to ruin the fabric! Cheeky shit.
Him running away however, was a sight I could have lived without...

I agree with peri, thesecondcoming, savoycabbage, et al....

In my experience, there are two categories of parents bringing children to parties:

1. The kind that let go of all parenting responsibilities and are nowhere near their child, and dont notice what their children get up to and leave supervising to others. "It is a party fgs, chill, there are plenty of people to supervise Little Tiijana."

1. The kind that are there solely to entertain their kids in a different setting than they are used to for this novel entertainment value and could quite possibly be anywhere as far as the hosts/other guests were concerned.

Both kinds are equally annoying.

Op, it is your aunt and uncles party. They are grown ups, they dont want little children running around possibly spoiling their event. You can decline, but you have absolutely no right to be miffed!

I think it was reasonable not to invite small children to a barn dance. But you are quite within your rights to decline this invitation. I can imagine little children tearing around everywhere. Falling over and screaming. It would be chaos.

I don't think so Quint, in fact I am astonished. At the family/friends things I go to, we integrate the children, we all look after them because they are part of our group even though they are a bit smaller. Barn dances and ceilidhs etc are fab with kids, much more fun.

Personally, I think parties with kids are more fun. I have kids. But I am not the age of my aunt and uncle! I will imagine most people will be their ages.

I also do try to not be too annoyed with people in Category 1 and 2 below.

Because, MY children are of course a delight at parties, and will just scuttle off and do their own thing and I want see them for stardust....

(I remember one spectacular birthday party where I and my cousin went to play hide and seek, and found a cold bedroom where all the cakes were stored. Cousin nipped down to kitchen for plates and spoons...... )

I wasn't aware barn dances were ever fun.

You just have to adapt a bit. My dc are teens, but when babies and toddlers come, we clear the house a bit, get out the age-approp toys etc. Takes all of, what, ten mins..? Even easier at an essentially empty venue.

BARN DANCES ARE THE BEST FUN EVER EVER

Mind you, I do also make sure that there is a designated adult keeping an eye at all times, just have to do it in shifts.

yabu
can you imagine a load of over excited children running about.
people always say they will controll them, but the reality is a lot different, lots of Oh little johnny was just playing... whilst they get in everyones way.

I obviously go to the wrong sort of parties..

Quint, the two categories are so spot on I assume you must actually be ALL KNOWING!

I'm a bit grouchy tonight, usually I don't mind kids at parties, I just hate it if it's clearly 'no children' and people whine. 'm not going to be upset if you don't come, so what's the big deal?

The worst incident we ever had was DP's brother showing up with is (then) 16 month DD and screaming at us because she got a prickle from the cacti I decorated in pink ribbons (in hindsight, okay, appealing to children but I wasn't expecting him over.) Was not impressed when I picked her up and got a big toothy grin when I told her she was so smart for learning a lesson!

In case you're wondering..No, we don't have taste.

Posted before your post, Mary.

I'm quite bossy (I know, so hard to imagine). If that does happen I have stern words with said naughty parents.

Don't go if you can't/don't want to arrange childcare.

Just out of interest who would supervise your 1 year old when you and dh are dancing?

QS, pick cactus sounds lovely and DP brother needs to relax. You have missed out on one category of parent, I fit into this category. Trying to talk to people I haven't seen in ages, whilst holding a glass of wine and a plate of food, keeping one eye on the children, so never actually holding eye contact and then having to leave mid sentence to see to said children. I think I'm looking forward to them being older and trying to sneak some alcohol to have behind the bushes quietly.

I know I'm fence sitting but I do agree with you Hully, providing its the right event having the children included is lovely and mine and DP's family tend to do child friendly things as the GC are all of a similar age and I love the idea that all the generations are socialising together.

However I see completely the points made by a lot of the posters about parents who don't watch their children and expect the place to be child friendly. Its not fair, the children are the parents responsibility and I wouldn't expect people to change their house for me.

Oops, its Lurkings cactus that was pink, still lovely though.

When XH was a toddler his dad took him to a lovely barbecue party at the beach. Lots of people there to keep an eye on the kiddies, right? At the end, sitting around all sated and slightly drunk, they chucked sand over the fire pit to put the fire out, and the little fellow pottered over there, tripped at the edge and put his hands out to save himself...

Well, that surgeon must have been a genius because although XH lost all the tips of his fingers on one hand, and part of them on the other hand, his palms were hideously scarred and to this day he also has deep scars on his thighs where they grafted the skin from, he actually grew up able to use his hands as well as anyone who has all their fingers intact. Fortunately he's left handed because it was his right hand that took most of the damage.

Er, what were we talking about again?