Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU about kids not being invited to an anniversary party in the day?

96 replies

CrapBag · 07/06/2012 21:03

Ok ok, I know. Its not my party, people can invite who they want and I am all for that. However I am slightly miffed about this.

DH's uncle and aunt have an anniversary party coming up. We got the invite and it only had DH and my name on it. I told DH that meant the kids (4 and 1) are not invited. DH didn't believe me and said he was sure they were.

I asked him to check and he finally got around to it.

I was right, they are not invited because there is going to be a barn dance with adults dancing so no young children are allowed. This is on a Sunday afternoon. I would have understood more if it was a late night party or something but it isn't.

Does this seem like a bit of a shit excuse not to invite children? Or young children as we have been told, I am taking it from this that older children are allowed to go. Surely we can control if our children are about to run in front of some barn dancing adults.

I know its nothing to do with me and its not my guest list but it just seemed a bit 'off' that family children aren't allowed for this ridiculous reason (btw ours are the only children in the family so its not like it is going to be overrun with young children running around).

OP posts:

trikken · 08/06/2012 09:57

Yabu. its their party. I like kids at parties though.

iloveACK · 08/06/2012 09:58

I also think its sad that children aren't invited to a family day time event. I agree it's their party so they can invite who they like, but it does seem a shame to me.

It sounds like there will be other older children there & only your children excluded, which seems odd.

Personally I wouldn't go. Family time at weekends is too precious to me to give up for an event like this, regardless of whether I could arrange childcare or not. Equally, they shouldn't be offended if you decline for that reason alone.

ENormaSnob · 08/06/2012 09:59

Any time I get a child free day it will not be spent fucking barn dancing.

I would decline but not because of childcare.

knowitallstrikesagain · 08/06/2012 10:00

I can't see where it says this is a 'family' party? There are some members of the family going, but presumably also friends. And the members of the family they have invited may be people they would choose to spend time with, so not 'just' invited because they are family, IYSWIM.

Mindyourownbusiness · 08/06/2012 10:01

ENorma

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 08/06/2012 10:03

Thank goodness not all people feel that way. I love children, can't wait to be a mum..But I still like time with adults away from other people's kids, particularly since our house is the opposite of kid friendly. Rather not invite them than have whining parents gossip about our home and how we should change to accommodate them. (sadly, every parent we've invited over seems to feel this is a justified reaction?)

'It takes a village' dejavu..

usualsuspect · 08/06/2012 10:03

I wouldn't go

Mustgettogym · 08/06/2012 10:03

Yabu they shouldn't hold a party around your needs

But I would be considerate and invite kids but that's just me - though maybe secretly hope they don't come - which is all my cousin's kids. Devil's spawn

jumpingjackhash · 08/06/2012 10:03

I think YABU too - sorry, their party so it's up to them who they invite to celebrate.

I'm also with peri - I don't enjoy having pre-schoolers in my house as in my experience their parents either fret about what they're getting up to and can't relax, or they're the exact opposite and seem to think it's my job as host to keep an eye on them! One young (and thankfully infrequent) guest in particular can be a pita as he doesn't seem to understand that he can't grab and play with expensive ornaments/lamps/vases of flowers anything he feels like or fit through the cat flap himself

Younger and older kids are a delight - they're either too small to move about on their own or are capable of behaving well.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 08/06/2012 10:03

LOL ENorma was thinking that.

bigjoeent · 08/06/2012 10:04

My first reaction mindyourownbusiness was my god thats not very friendly but then I reread it and the parents do seem to be taking the piss and not parenting their children. I hope my parents and PIL don't think I do that. They do move anything fragile, which I appreciate as with the best will in the world I cannot manage 20 month old twins and guarantee they will not grab anything they shouldn't. It isn't very relaxing for anyone if I am constantly no, plus both sets of GPs get out some old toys which the kids love playing with.

OP, sorry went off track there, I think its a bit weird, glad my family include kids in daytime things and so see them as part of the family but it is their party. Accept or don't, if you don't want to go say you cannot get childcare for the party.

YouOldSlag · 08/06/2012 10:05

But knowitall, an anniversary party is very much a family thing by it's very nature. I mean it's to do with continuity and two families being joined. It's not a promotion at work or a BAFTA or a black tie gala charity ball.

jumpingjackhash · 08/06/2012 10:06

Lurking we've had similar from friends once they've had kids - they just seem to think it's appropriate to moan about us 'putting things in their way / within reach'... er, no, I just don't design my home around your child!

YouOldSlag · 08/06/2012 10:09

There are always parents who don't supervise their kids enough, but most of us do and it's a shame to exclude children when the vast majority of us are within death-stare distance of our children at all times, in fact even more so when out as I was raised to be on best behaviour with others ( and am raising mine to be the same, hopefully!)

bigjoeent · 08/06/2012 10:10

Jumping, just buy a cactus, soon teaches the little buggers not to grab things.

Hullygully · 08/06/2012 10:11

It's up to them of course.

But equally it does make them miserable old gits.

SparkyTGD · 08/06/2012 10:11

I'm with ENorma

YABU though, its their party, they can invite/not invite who they like.

jumpingjackhash · 08/06/2012 10:12

I certainly don't mean to make a sweeping statement YouOldSlag (sorry if it comes across like that!) - I'm just speaking from experience of those who come to our home! My SIL otoh is like a hawk with DNiece!

Mindyourownbusiness · 08/06/2012 10:13

Thank you bigjo - I am actually a very friendly caring soul when I'm not ranting as above - and actually it's because I couldnt bear the thought of my DSGS splitting his head open flying off a barstool or whatever that I do martyr myself in this way when he is here. I had thought of just sitting next to mummy and daddy and not getting up of the settee a la 'if you cant beat em join em' but I lasted about ten seconds when he'd gone quiet in the other room. Not usually a good sign with dsgs.
Disclaimer : I am very very fond of him.

jumpingjackhash · 08/06/2012 10:13

bigjoeent - like the suggestion!

Mindyourownbusiness · 08/06/2012 10:14

off the settee - even.

LurkingAndLearningForNow · 08/06/2012 10:15

I am sitting her laughing so hard because one of the main complaints DP and I get from snotty parents is that we should not have our beloved cacti!!!

And get rid of our lizards and turtle apparently?

youarekidding · 08/06/2012 10:31

I'm with usual I wouldn't go.

For whatever reasons it is you clearly don't like the set up of the party so just don't do.

BaronessBomburst · 08/06/2012 10:32

So, will strategically placed cacti get me a shower/bath in peace?

Maryz · 08/06/2012 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flip

1 2 3 4