I?m divorced with one DD, and about 18 months ago XDH announced that he wanted her to go to a CofE secondary school (he rarely goes near a church). I wasn?t too happy ? none of her friends are going there, and we aren?t religious. Wanting to find out what he?d be getting her into, I decided to attend the church that is linked to the school with XMIL (we still get on well). From the outset I was honest with them about why I was attending over coffee after the services, and said there were several questions I had about Christian faith.
One of the vicars came up to me after one of the services and said he?d heard I was new and had questions, and offered to meet to answer them. He said he?d rather meet at a coffee shop because the church was busy and we might be disturbed. At the first meeting, he came across as charming and self-deprecating; at the end of it he said he was still in training and had to submit written case studies, and asked if I?d be a subject because he was interested in my point of view.
I agreed, and several meetings followed, always outside of church. He said that he was divorced, and ?understood ordinary people?s problems?. Several invitations to go to the pub with him cropped up, and to go round to his house; as he lived alone, and I was beginning to find him creepy and weaselly, I declined. He then dropped several questions about my sex life into the conversation, along with some snide remarks about the head vicar and several members of the congregation (he?s always charming to their faces). He also said the best way to feel close to God was to have an orgasm ? it always works for him
I asked XMIL about him, and she said he had been seeing a long-term girlfriend for almost a year. At the next meeting, he announced that he was taking me to lunch as a ?surprise?, and acted really flirty, asking about the colour of my knickers and again inviting me to his house for a meal and wine (?stay as long as you like, all night if you like?). I noticed that he was watching for a reaction, as some sleazy men do when they want to shock women.
At this point I mentioned his girlfriend; at first he denied that he was seeing anyone, then admitted it but said that he couldn?t get turned on by her, followed by obscene remarks about her looks and the appearance of her genitalia. Indicating a girl of 17 or 18 at another table, he said she was more his type and started describing what he?d like to do to her. I cut him off, pointing out age difference (about 20 years) and he replied ?they?re legally adults at 16?. I told him what I thought of him and he became very angry, so I left.
I raised the issue with one of the stewards, who said that he?d tried the same with other women at the church, including an 18 year old. During one meeting, this vicar had talked about working in some kind of social care work, and said female colleagues had made allegations about his behaviour towards a female patient. He said he had been cleared, but felt he had to resign. I therefore also asked about his CRB status, but she said he was clear. She then said that another woman had submitted a written complaint, so she would ?note my concerns?.
DD secured a place at the school where her friends are going (and is now very happy there), so having seen enough of organised religion I stopped attending, and explained why to XMIL. I have just found out from XMIL that this vicar has been appointed as chaplain at the linked church school; he was interviewed but the post was not advertised externally. She said that the written complaint was dismissed because it is impossible to prove what is said in private conversations between two people, and ?it was just a bit of dirty talk, he didn?t touch anyone?. As I am beyond horrified, I asked if I could see the parish Child Protection Officer ? XMIL advised against it, saying that he is a personal friend of this vicar and always defends him.
Am I being unreasonable to think this man should not be employed by a school?