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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand the need for a birth plan.

99 replies

MsKittyFane · 07/06/2012 11:33

Surely you make decisions based on what is happening at the time?
I think it's important to educate yourself and have certain preferences for type of pain relief but why are some people so prescriptive?
Each birth is different and who knows what intervention your baby will need when the time comes?

OP posts:
Snowboarder · 07/06/2012 12:32

This has given me something to think about as my first birth was an EMCS 3 months early (due to infection) so I've never had to think about a birth plan before - or what i'd put in it. DS1 was very tiny and was rushed off to intensive care without me getting to see him last time and it's important to me that I get to establish a bond with DS2 as soon as I can this time around.

Now I am 7 weeks off having DC2 by ELCS I think I'll keep it brief but put a few lines together anyway.

  • do whatever's necessary to get DS2 out safely
  • would like DH to have skin to skin as soon as is practical after the delivery and whilst I'm being stitched up.
  • would both like as much time and contact with DS2 after the birth as we can. Would like to breastfeed as soon as is practical.

I don't think anyone could say this is too prescriptive?

twofurryones · 07/06/2012 12:36

Snowboarder I don't think that's too perscriptive, the section of my notes relating to CS asks whether you want to have skin to skin and BF in the recovery room.

montysma1 · 07/06/2012 12:39

I would like my child to alive and healthy at the end of it.
I would like myself to be alive and healthy at the end of it.

Surely everything else is self involved piffle. Just let the people do their job.

Snowboarder · 07/06/2012 12:40

That's great. I must admit I was wondering if you were allowed/ meant to have a birth plan if you're having a ELCS? With a bit of luck my consultant will be doing the operation anyway and I will be able to ask her.

Shagmundfreud · 07/06/2012 12:42

I had an independent midwife so dudn't need a birth plan. She knew what was important to me.

In the NHS I think they are a useful document for giving the midwife some insight into your feelings and hope for the birth given that
A) she'll be a stranger
B) you may be incoherent at the time.

twofurryones · 07/06/2012 12:44

montysma1 no it's not just piffle.

Posts like yours make me so angry as they just imply that any woman expressing any desire to have any input into labour and childbirth cares more about herself and than her child.

LentillyFart · 07/06/2012 12:44

My birth plan -

  1. Give me drugs
  2. Give me more drugs
  3. Where can I buy a Mars Bar
  4. Is there an on-site bar
  5. Is there any way you can do this whilst I just have a nap?
OneLittleBabyTerror · 07/06/2012 12:44

I have a birth plan. It says I can't use pethidine because of medical reason. (I even wrote the name of the specialised midwife that advised me on this issue). I agree with your OP that you can't predict what is to come, and it's best to just go with the flow anyway.

Shagmundfreud · 07/06/2012 12:45

Monty - you're the one that has to push the baby out.

Staff won't do it for you (usually!)

Tiddlyompompom · 07/06/2012 12:48

monty Everyone wants that, but that doesn't mean that all intervention and timing by HCPs is either helpful or necessary. If you are informed about the process and what choices are available it can aid the safety of baby and mother.
HCPs are not trained to deliver my baby specifically, and each individual case is slightly different. Being an informed patient helps you work together as a team for the best outcome surely? And childbirth is a team effort, we don't just lie there while they do their thing!

bettybat · 07/06/2012 12:49

Yeah, I think you're really unreasonable. What difference does it make to you? This is a person's body, and baby we're talking about. Isn't it better that before the event, when they are able to think clearly, research and make informed decisions, they write those preferences down?

Too many times on this site alone I have read about women who felt railroaded into having something done and they say, next time I will not choose that/opt for that. If women feel the slightest bit of empowerment in the lead up to their labour, even if it all goes to hell in a handbasket on the day, what possible skin off your nose is that? And even if they disagree with something - again, that is their choice and decision and far better they at least made those decisions pre-labour when they were able to make informed decisions.

It's not an either or - mine will probably sound very prescriptive because I am very focused on how I would like it to be. My worst nightmare is flat on my back, not moving from an epidural, and ending up needing an assisted birth. That is my decision. But as adamant as I might sound, that does not mean in 4 months, come the start of my labour, I won't be flexible enough to adapt to the circumstances. Maybe I will need assistance regardless of what else I choose to do - ball, active, squatting, pool etc. I am open to that possibility. But I just want to try and avoid it if possible and I am more afraid of being told I have to do something else and the weight of a wrong decision for my baby during labour!

tinkerbel72 · 07/06/2012 12:49

Why is it 'piffle' to have a preference over whether you want to labour in water/ use gas/ have total pain relief through epidural?

Montys post is the most ridiculous on here! As I have said several times the vast majority of labours do not involve life or death no-choice situations. The vast majority are medically normal and there is a huge range of options from completely natural birth down to wanting to be numbed up. Why is it piffle that a woman might have a personal view on it? It's her body. We're not all robots wanting the same thing

twofurryones · 07/06/2012 12:53

Snowboarder someone who has actually had an ELCS will probably be able to help more, but I would imagine it's actually the birth scenario where you have the greatest chance of actually being able to have a birth plan that actually comes to fruition Smile.

There is loads of chatter about ELCS in the childbirth section, the majority of which seems to be very positive.

beyoglu · 07/06/2012 12:55

Mine had stuff to do with testing my wee ones for my chromosomal abnormality - I asked whether they could try and do it off of cord blood (as it would mean no needles, and we anyway couldn't donate cord blood because the hospital wouldn't do it with twins) and god love them, they did manage it - but the girls ended up getting IV antibiotics for 3 days via cannula so didn't avoid needles at all!

Other than that mine basically said, I'm happy to go with what you recommend, and I probably want an epidural. I wish I'd been clear that I didn't intend to breastfeed and was only going to express colostrum - the midwives saw me offering them the breast in the first couple of days and didn't bother telling me there were pumps I could have used. My wee ones were quite small and not too strong and I doubt they got much other than the pitiful couple of ml that I managed to hand express over a couple of hours. Pathetic.

Napdamnyou · 07/06/2012 12:59

I'm a rape survivor with PTSD issues surrounding internal exams and so it was very important to me to have that written down, as I didn't really want to start talking about it during labour.

Frakiosaurus · 07/06/2012 13:20

nap - good example of when a birth plan can ensure good maternal mental health.

Thankfully I had enough appointments with the team beforehand that it was written all over my hospital notes in big letters how I was to be 'handked' but had I ended up giving birth in a different hospital then I had an appendux to my preferences with countersigned justifications.

cory · 07/06/2012 13:25

montysma1 Thu 07-Jun-12 12:39:56
"I would like my child to alive and healthy at the end of it.
I would like myself to be alive and healthy at the end of it.

Surely everything else is self involved piffle. Just let the people do their job."

Not necessarily. For me, certain decisions that e.g. were more likely to facilitate breastfeeding were not piffle. Lower down on the scale of priority, certainly, but not piffle.

lolajane2009 · 07/06/2012 13:40

i had one but I never used it as I needed to be induced by drip as my son was having 'issues' and my water had gone 12 hours plus when it happened. tbh my main stipulation was 'no epidural' and hubby knew that and even if i had begged i dont think he would have let me hav/e 1.

Mrsjay · 07/06/2012 13:53

I didnt have a birthplan ijust went with it I was in hospital throughout out my pregnancies so i didn't really know when babies would arrive Hmm I think if you really object to something then say so but IMO going with the flow is better for everybody,

Spiritedwolf · 07/06/2012 15:29

My understanding is that the value in the birth plan is mainly in the creation of it, because it prompts women to be informed and to have an opinion on some of the choices that may come up during and after birth.

I'd imagine its also good to have things written down in black and white so that its clear that something is important to you and that you've thought it through so that it is paid attention to.

Of course we all want healthy babies and to be healthy ourselves. But I also have opinions on what I would prefer to happen if everything is going well (and indeed some ideas about what's important to me if things are going less well - like having my DH stay with our baby, get skin to skin contact as soon as possible and for the baby to be cup fed colostrum if we are seperated).

I'll totally understand if because of a medical emergency I don't have the birth that I'd like to. But it would be daft if everything was going well and things happened that I wasn't comfortable with, just because I hadn't made my preferences known. It's good to write them down because I don't know if I'll feel like explaining things between contractions to every medical professional who might appear.

In my maternity notes there is a section labelled 'Preferences for Birth' which has gentle prompts about things I might want to specify for labour, the third stage and bonding after birth. :) It has ideas like 'I'd like my birth partner and I to discover the sex of the baby ourselves rather than having it announced' etc.

I agree with the poster above who said her worst nightmare would be being forced to lie on her back, and be immobile. As I have anxiety issues, making me feel terrified and out of control during birth isn't likely to help matters.

HappyCamel · 07/06/2012 15:38

I think they can be very important. I had GD so needed to make sure that anyone involved in my care was reminded about it.

I had very good reasons for not wanting pethidine under any circumstances so I wrote that down too.

I guess it depends whether you're you are realistic about what you write and what your motivation is. My mum was a midwife and said she wished they'd been done when she worked because often women can't communicate information it would be really useful to know and not everyone has a birth partner at all, let alone one who says the right thing at the right time.

VivaLeBeaver · 07/06/2012 15:42

As a m/w I like them and think they're important even if it does all go to pot.

If someone on their birth plan has put they don't want an epidural if they then ask for one in labour I know that they probably might not totally mean it and might want more encouragement, etc. Obviously they're entitled to change their mind and decide that they do actually want one and I have to work out which it is.

But if someone has put on their birth plan that they probably do want an epidural then I know when they say it that the chances are they really mean it.

WetAugust · 07/06/2012 15:42

YADNBU Some of those I've read are hilarious.

anastaisia · 07/06/2012 15:46

Agree with Spiritedwolf that the value is in the making of a birth plan not so much it existing at the end of it. I would see them not as a plan of how the birth will go, but an overview of the choices you might make if certain things don't go so smoothly. During labour really isn't a great time to be digesting brand new information about your care and so if you've had a chance to discuss things you'd like to try if something deviates from 'normal'/ideal but isn't a serious emergency with your care givers and/or birth partner in advance that's probably a good thing.

I think that any medical professional or antenatal teacher that frames them in a 'make a plan of how you want your birth to be' way and leaves it at that isn't helping the women involved very much.

Lambzig · 07/06/2012 15:58

Snowboarder, I had a planned CS with DD and had a quite prescriptive birth plan. It was good for me as it made me feel some of the choice was back. The midwife I saw before the CS who was going to be in theatre read it and was great and explained the one bit that I couldn't have (not going to admit what it was because all things considered it was a really dumb idea).

I did get things like:

  • getting the baby held up so that DH and I could find out the sex for ourselves
  • skin to skin asap
  • DH to be with baby at all times (when they took her over to be weighed etc)

There are lots of suggestions on line. Cannot find the website I used, think it was an american site. Wish I could as I am pg again and would like to find it again.