about baby shower invite - serious overkill or me being aparty pooper?

[Cheekybitch]

Have name changed...

A friend is having a babyshower for her daughter, I received an invite but really don't want to go for the following reasons:
*I don't really agree with them - I think babies should be celebrated once they're here

• The party is in the function room of a pub!!
• All are invited - it's not a small affair, rather a massive big deal with men, women and kids invited to 'party'
• There is a GIFT LIST
• The babies parents are skint yet the mother has spent a fortune on table decorations etc

Would you go / adhere to the gift list or bow out??

If you don't agree with them, don't go. What's a function room of a pub got to do with it?

I feel the same about baby showers but I have been to a couple and complied. Either go and be happy or decline gracefully - terribly sorry, can't make it, hope you have a lovely time. The arguments you raise largely apply to weddings too and I expect you probably go to them.

The function room bit is because it's a full on party - on the scale of an 18th / 21st party

I don't know if I'm being a snob, but it sounds horrendous to me. I worry about baby showers getting out of hand as it is, but this sounds like some people could be taking advantage. Sounds more like a wedding reception than a baby shower.
I can sort of put myself in a proud new parents mindset and understand there could be varying reasons as to why they would perhaps make such a big event of a new baby on the way, but this one seems extremely excessive to me.
But to answer your question - if it's a close friend, I guess you have to go, but buy what you would normally have bought, whether it's on a gift list or not.

I don't really agree with them - I think babies should be celebrated once they're here YANBU*
The party is in the function room of a pub!! YABU*
All are invited - it's not a small affair, rather a massive big deal with men, women and kids invited to 'party' YABU*
There is a GIFT LIST YANBU*
The babies parents are skint yet the mother has spent a fortune on table decorations etc YABU*

If I were to have a party, I would probably have it in a pub. I would invite lots of people and want to decorate the room.

However, I would never have a baby shower. These to me fall into the same camp as engagement party rather than wait and celebrate the wedding. But if someone else wants to do it, fine.

YANBU and YABU

don't go

i think it's a cheek to expect other people to kit your new arrival out - especially if they're married and those same people they're inviting probably spent a fortune attending their hen and stag do, engagement party and wedding.

YANBU. I declined recently because I'm reluctant to spend twice on a friend who I'm really not that important to. Hate baby showers.

Sounds like you would hate and resent every minute of it so don't go, apologies as suggested above then bring her a present when the baby arrives if that is your preference.

I dont think id go the wish list full party would put me off right away, there used to be wedding showers YEARS ago i can remember my mum having one it was for showing of presents . I dont really get baby showers either but if you are unhappy about ti don't go or nip in for half an hour show face and leave

I think they're in bad taste. I would probably go, though, I like a party. But yes, I'm a snob and this sounds crass. Give it another 10 years and they'll have become commonplace.

I think with baby showers it's the thought that bad things could happen till the very last minute. I'm not superstitious at all, it's not that.

I'd tell the cheeky cow to bugger off!

Yanbu

Some of my friends had wedding showers but they were for girlfriends only and we bought funny gifts, a karma sutra, fluffy handcuffs, a chain to attach her to the kitchen sink, rubber gloves and a mop, etc

My family have recently had a few births - and baby showers.

Our 'theme' is usually pink and blue balloons/ decorations/ plates/ napkins etc, some buffet food, a good laugh, a sweepstake and and some gifts - what ever you chose and now there seems to be a competition about who can provide the silliest gift.

More expensive gifts ( from GP's/siblings etc) are reserved for the birth or a private exchange.

I bought my cousins DD a white sleepsuit and stuffed the arms and legs with some cotton wool pads, some baby bath products, socks, bibs and the body with new born nappies. Cheap, easy and very funny as it looked like a baby!
(also I have the rest of the nappies and sleepsuits from the pack for future showers!)

YANBU not to go if you feel how to contribute is being dictated to you - to me if you have a party it's to celebrate with your loved ones - anything else is a bonus.

YANBU - decline gracefully.
I am a beliver in celebrating the baby once it is safe in its mothers arms. What is the fun of a baby party where you can't have a hug with the little one?

Also, what is the etticate when you have a baby shower? Do you buy a gift for the shower, and a gift for the birth, and a gift for the naming ceramony / christning if they have one?

I would rather have a cosy afternoon tea with my close friends enjoying their company before the big day, and would stipulate no gifts!
Baby showers are one of my least favourite American imports. Ben and Jerry's being the best

A friggin gift list? I know these are popular in America but I think they're shockingly cheeky

As others have said, just don't go. Can't bear them myself, but I can't get worked up enough about them to post in AIBU - I would just politely decline the invitation.

Where have all the proper AIBUs gone??

I can see the point of a baby shower, but only because i've had a baby and know that afterwards, for ages you physically don't want to party, and then after a while, it gets annoying (you're trying to feed/change/entertain a baby while everyone parties around you, basically)

have the party first - make hay while the sun shines...

Is it her first?

We had a massive party at our house when I was expecting our first. I wanted to have a really good "last" party for the new born.

It was not a babyshower though, and no gifts were exchanged, and people were invited on a BYO basis.

If you like her, go. Buy her baby a gift, and forget the list.

sorry, before the newborn, not for the newborn.

Surely people can have a big party whenever they want, for whatever reason they want - it's their money to spend. Up to you whether you want to go or not, of course. Do you like her, and would you enjoy it?

The gift list is a bit odd though, especially if it's sent out with the invitations. I know that's usual with weddings these days, but didn't know people were doing it for parties in general.

Actually I thought a baby shower would be arranged by someone else for the friend/relative who is pregnant. Surely you don't organise an everyone-give-me-presents party for yourself?

Sounds grim. I had a 'baby shower' type party formy new baby, but it was strictly not referred to as a shower but as a tea party type affair, lots of cake, gifts definately not expected (although it seems people adore buying for babies!) and it was lovely. So yanbu to the crassness of this one, but i o like an excuse to eat cake.

YANBU, they could have used the money they are spending on the party to kit their own child out. The gift list and enough guests for a room hire is simply tacky but i dont like any kind of baby shower.

God it sounds horrendous! A gift list! Cheeky buggers. You would hate it probably if you went so don't and certainly don't pay any attention to the ridiculous gift list.

Decline politely and when the day comes around enjoy not being there - it sounds woeful.

I am one of those who is a an enthusiastic buyer (and maker) of gifts when baby has safely arrived. Sadly, have known a few pregnancies that have not ended well, so hate showers for this reason. Also think it is massively entitled to have a gift list. And yes, it is a horrendously tacky American import.