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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not invite children to our wedding?

29 replies

PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 08:22

Hello, I have recently got engaged and we are looking to get married next year.

We will be getting married abroad and having an evening reception when we come back. My fiance's friends like to drink alot and to avoid everyone getting too pissed to quickly I was going to have a buffet, chicken jacket potatoes etc, at around 9 to give them all a break. However I am a nanny and I babysit for alot of local families. I would love for all the children I look after to come, but is 9 too late for them? Am I being unreasonable to just invite the parents? They have all been very kind to me over the last year when I have been going through a rough patch, and all though I have now moved away from them, I still go round for lunch and coffee when I am back.

Should I invite the children and just give them all a little party bag at 7ish with fruit bags, bubble, treats etc in? And assume the families won't be staying to eat? Or should I move the meal to 8? Or say on the invitation 'I would love for you all to make it, however if it is too late for the children we would love it if you could still make it.' The youngest child will be 2 and the rest will be 4+.

TIA.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 07/06/2012 08:28

I believe this is one of those threads although I haven't been on one before.

IMO - it's your wedding, do what you like.

However I think there is strong feeling the other way so prepare for a unexplainably aerated thread :)

Jenny70 · 07/06/2012 08:33

I am all for kids at weddings, however for me the celebration is the ceremony and the evening reception lends itself better to adults than young kids.

However if you would like them there, maybe let parents make their own choice, invite them with something like "Please join us to celebrate our wedding with an evening reception from 7pm. A light meal will be served at 9pm, with festivities continuing late. Children are welcome for all or part of the evening. "

Maybe give the children the party bags at 7 ish anyway to give them some extra excitement to last a bit longer.

Whatmeworry · 07/06/2012 08:33

The problem with inviting just parents is that those with kids need to find child care, which will put some off. If you also then add travelling long distances into the mix, that makes it even less attractive.

Trills · 07/06/2012 08:36

YANBU, as long as you accept that some people will not be able to make it, and don't try to make them feel bad for not coming.

(this actually applies if you are inviting children or not)

3boysandagirl · 07/06/2012 08:37

I feed my dc before we go to evening receptions and I'd imagine many parents with very young dc would do too. They do eat something at receptions but I feed them before we go so they aren't really hungry.
I agree it's your wedding, you can't cater for everyone. Party bags are a lovely idea if you're happy to do this but I personally wouldn't bother as it's only an evening.

doggiemumma · 07/06/2012 08:40

I think its a shame that your BFs friends are so disrespectful that you have to fine tune your big day because they can't lay off the booze. If it were me, i'd ditch the thugs and invite the families. Just a thought.....

Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 08:43

Thank you for your replies. We would be having it local (within 15 minutes) to all the families as my fiance's parents and friends still live around there and we both grew up there so it would be best for all. I would love the children to be there as I am very close to them all.

OP posts:
Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 08:48

doggiemumma I would love to do that but it's his family too, last family wedding I went to an uncle had fallen asleep on the table by 10 as he was so drunk. (my fiance's uncle). I will have final say over the guest list so may not invite the rowdy ones and just have close friends. My fiance does alot of football rugby etc so he has a large group of friends, so will tell him we can only have 100 people or something and he'll have to narrow his list down.

I think I'll still do party bags for the children to keep the entertained as I'm not sure if we will be having a dj, maybe just old music (again dont want drunks dancing) so people can interact more and our families can get to know each other.

OP posts:
RGPargy · 07/06/2012 08:48

I would do what Jenny70 has suggested. Love the party bag idea at a wedding! You can't have a wedding without kids skidding along the floor when the music's on, IMO lol. Grin

Psammead · 07/06/2012 08:54

Depends on the culture of the country you are in, too. They might think you are being absolutely bonkers by even mentioning the 'issue'.

My personal view is that weddings are for families and friend to celebrate the occasion, rather than for the bride and groom to have a me, me, me day, and that children are an important part of family.

I hope you have a great day! Much luck for the future.

Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 08:59

Couldn't agree more RGPargy! Thank you Psammead. We are in the UK. I don't want to sound like bridezilla and have it all about me, I just want everyone to have a nice time. I don't get to see my family all together much so it will be nice having everyone there.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 07/06/2012 09:03

I come from a family that like to drink - understatement of the century!!, there have never been issues with children at "dos" though. Can't you have the traditional wedding breakfast type thing, buffet or whatever in the afternoon - that will line the stomachs of the drinkers so they will probably fair better than turning up at 7 and drinking for two hours on empty stomachs. Also, the children will probably drift off by then.

FetchezLaVache · 07/06/2012 09:06

If they're all people of thirst, I would imagine the damage will by done by 9pm - I'd have thought moving the buffet to 8pm would be a better move anyway, tbh...

FetchezLaVache · 07/06/2012 09:08

Oh sorry, just ignore me, I was thinking of certain members of my family and all-day weddings as opposed to evening receptions... 9pm perfect for the buffet! As you were.

Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 09:10

I don't think they'd be any issue with the 'drunks' and the children, I just wondered about food and the timing for the children. If I'm honest I think I'd rather have a few drunk people and lots of children having fun and laughing so may have the food abit earlier then give out the party bags.

OP posts:
OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 07/06/2012 09:12

9 seems quite late to eat for anyone, so I would have thought that if people know that's what time you were going to serve the buffet they would have something to eat before they came anyway.

I like the idea of inviting children and giving them party bags with snacks in. I would invite them, you might find that many of the parents decide to leave them at home anyway for an evening party.

exoticfruits · 07/06/2012 09:15

I would invite them-if the parents think it too late they have the option of going earlier or not going at all.

doggiemumma · 07/06/2012 09:15

Remember this is YOUR day, if you don't want children at your wedding, thats absolutely fine, but you DO, so please have them, don't let drunks (or people of thirst - love it) ruin it. It may be a good idea not to have a free bar too, that way there will be less of a tendancy to drink the bar dry - whenever there is a free bar, especially if its for a limited time, the piss heads will just get as much down themselves as quickly as they can. No free bar, spend the money on party bags - a friend of mine had a wedding once wiht a childrens party food table - all the "naughty" things - it went down a storm.

Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 09:17

Haha FetchezLaVache. May move it to 8 and see if my dad wants to make a speech, we'll cut the cake, have pudding, would like to have popcorn, strawberries, cakes for pudding to make it more fun for the children.

OP posts:
Psammead · 07/06/2012 09:17

Oh you are in the uk. Ok! I thought you were having it all abroad, but on reading your post again I see that the reception is at home. Sorry!

I didn't mean to imply yousound like a Bridezilla, I was just giving my general opinion on children at weddings. Pre-coffee, it didn'tcome across as clearly. As it could have. Have fun planning it all Smile

Psammead · 07/06/2012 09:19

If it were me, I might have a children's 'picnic' at 7:30 or so. Ask the parents to bring a small snamck for their child for this. Hungry kids are grumpy kids.

YouOldSlag · 07/06/2012 09:21

What a refreshing change! an OP who wants children at her wedding party because she loves them and enjoys their company! You sound very thoughtful OP and I think that if any rowdy friends see young children there, they do usually tone it down a bit.

If your fiancé and his friends really need a night of drunkenness, they can do that anytime, like the stag night for example.

I'd invite the kids to the whole evening and the individual parents can decide when they've had enough or which of them takes the kids home etc. (it's only 15 mins away max so taxis will be easy) IME my 5yo loves staying up late on special occasions so I think it will all work out well.

Congratulations and best wishes!

Original poster
PutAnotherShrimpOnTheBarbie · 07/06/2012 09:21

Love the idea of a childrens party food table! Most of the children will know each other from school so may sit them together (if we have a sit down do) and they can help themsleves to the food on their table! And no, we won't be having a free bar. My self and my fiance will be paying for it all and we are 22 and so desperatley trying to save for a mortage too so were being quite careful with what to spend on the wedding. Were treating ourselve to what we want but not going overboard.

OP posts:
Psammead · 07/06/2012 09:22

Sorry. Been unclear again (what's with me today?)

I mean ask the parents to bring a snack instead of the party bag snacks as you will always get a handful of children who don't like what you put into them.

longjane · 07/06/2012 09:25

As you only having a evening do
i would do food 1st thing right way
line everyone stomachs

then speeches
then cake/ pudding
then dancing
then you can invite who you want
how long can the party go on for
cos you could invite the rowdy mates at 1030 or so after the pubs have shut if you can have all nighter where you are