to think an almost 12 yr old boy should not be stripping off in front of younger children

[99luftballoon]

My dd has started playing with some children in our garden and local street. One of the boys is 12 next month and apparently has been showing his private parts to girls who are aged from 7-10 yrs old. Now I know that younger children do things like this, as part of their development, but I feel that 12 is definitely an age where he should know better.

Am I over-reacting?

I dont think the OP should quiz her DD now, leave it to the officers. OP prob worth making notes of what she has already said though.

No, nothing like that! He flashed at the girls, but they flashed first apparently, but he is very keen on playing truth or dare so he can dare them to kiss each other or take some of their clothes off. It def seems like there is a sexual aspect to it.

The police only spoke briefly to my dd in the house. They asked her what happened and told her she did the right thing telling me. That was the only involment we had.

The police were going to speak to him and as far as i know there was to be ss involment.

I did go to the parents first, with Dh, to ask them to keep him sway from our street but they wouldn't because it 'was his human right to go where he wished'.

I heard other stories such as he was giving young girls in his street Red Bull thinking it was alcohol. He thought if they were drunk they would strip. I informed the police sbout this.

I hope it goes well op.

I also told the school as he was at dds school at the time.

Op I think that if they need a statement it would be video taped in a special part of the police station, so it's more like a chat.

That's my experience anyway.

My dd had to give a statement to the sapphire unit and this was the process she went through.

The officers are specialized and the ones we had contact with were absolutely lovely and did everything they could to accommodate my dd.

She was older than your dd though and all circumstances are different.

See, I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, yes, you have an 11 year old boy who could be demonstrating behaviour that might be consistent with someone who is being abused.

On the other hand, the accounts are somewhat vague and inconsistent (e.g. the girls showed him theirs first; what really was the age difference).

Is there any chance that this poor kid is the unfortunate victim of reading too much into the situation?

I think a lot of kids play these sort of games in pre and early adolescence... Spin the bottle, truth or dare, catch and kiss. It only reflects a natural curiosity.

How can you tell the difference if you don't talk to the child's parents or gather a bit more information? If this boy were your son, would you prefer that someone pointed out to you what was going on, or that they called the police straight off?

I remember playing some of those games when I was that age. And trust me, we were so innocent... The worst dare we could imagine was a kiss behind my friend's horses' stables without witnesses...

Now, maybe things have changed, but judging from the kids I know, I am not sure they have changed so much.

I just worry that there is another side to this that might be about a curious 11 year old little boy and not a dangerous sex offender.

If they need a statement for a child who has been sexually abused it would be through the ABE/ 4 stage system: it should be in a special room with trained officers. They would build up an understanding with the child (rapport phase), ask for a detailed description of events overall and their context according to the particulars (free narrative phase), ask more specific questions in order to get unambiguous statements useable in court building on what has been said in the previous part, then try to conclude on a positive note with a sense of "closure" for the child, reassuring them and thanking them for their co-operation.

I don't think this is likely to be child abuse with an 11 year old, unless there is a long history of sexualised behaviour out of kilter with what is expected of a child and this is just the latest incident. He could easily be into puberty and just struggling to cope with it, particularly if neglect has . If it was a younger, say 7-8 year old boy trying to get anyone to be sexual I would worry but here my concern would be more for the girls he is doing this to than him. If he does not access professional help it could continue and escalate ending up with him as a registered sex offender by mid teens. And that would be good for nobody.

When I was in first year of senior school a classmate (11) targeted me and a few other people, saying highly aggressive sexual things like "I'll give it to you like you've never had it before, I'll rape you". I was and upset but didn't tell an adult initially as I never seriously thought he would do anything like he said. But it continued for a few months, making me more uncomfortable, and one day when he came into my lesson from the classroom opposite and said "shall we masturbate together? I've got massage oil." I told my mum the next morning, she called the school and he got some sort of help: due to confidentiality I don't know the details, but it was something to assist him in dealing more appropriately with his sexual development and newfound feelings. He had two decent parents and a lovely sister who got some of the best GCSE grades in her year, certainly not a matter of abuse within the family there. Neither me nor the other boys were approached in that way once it was reported.

Sorry- my post above, "if neglect has..." is meant to say
"if neglect has affected his emotional maturity."

Fear of the boy being innocent shouldn't stand in the way of reporting it though. We need to trust the police and ss to ascertain the full facts and
Manage it appropriately. If this is innocent play which has been misunderstood it still needs addressing - the boy needs protecting as much as any of the younger ones.

Reporting to the police was the correct thing to do. Good luck OP

You told the police I'd phone up the child's school and have a word with the parents. The risk of some nightmare incestuous/ multi-familial abuse scenario is not high enough to justify having a little boy on police records.

And I certainly don't think he needs protecting as much as the girls he is doing it to. They are the victims, and there is little evidence to suggest he is a victim of anything at all. Sorry, I just cannot go with your attitude.

The school cant/wont do anything, it didnt happen in school, they arent even in the same school. All the school could do is make the appropriate reports themselves, to SS and the police.

He wont have a police record unless he is arrested/charged, chances are they will pass onto SS anyway.

Sadly, you simply cannot be too careful.

But 47 he won't go on the sex offender's register. If it is innocent play gone too far or an emotionally immature boy the experts will be able to identify this and support him - no worse than that. Reporting a concern does not automatically presume guilt or result in a punishment

Then fact your DD has SN makes her extra vulnerable. Yes talk to SS or P.

YANBU it is odd.

I don't find it odd that he is playing with other children on the street, I see this a lot, but he knows very well at his age that this is not on and he's doing it anyway.

You have to ask why, why is this child doing this? Do you know the parents?