to think an almost 12 yr old boy should not be stripping off in front of younger children

[99luftballoon]

My dd has started playing with some children in our garden and local street. One of the boys is 12 next month and apparently has been showing his private parts to girls who are aged from 7-10 yrs old. Now I know that younger children do things like this, as part of their development, but I feel that 12 is definitely an age where he should know better.

Am I over-reacting?

To be honest, I would contact the police or social services and hopefully they can arrange for someone to pay a visit to his home to put a stop to this behaviour and investigate whether there are any 'issues' at home that have led to this.

YANBU.

DH has just rang the local police station, and they are taking it very seriously and will send someone out in the morning to get more details.

Good for you, OP. Really the right thing to do.

Just as an aside, does the boy have any SN? NOT that this excuses behaviour but might explain the lack of inhibition. My DS is 9.5 and autistic, while I don't think he would do this I am more than aware he could be "dared" to do things (which is why he is not allowed out alone with other kids).
Likewise he doesn't understand why he can no longer use the Women's changing toom at the swimming pool and has to use the disabled/family toom with me.

I ask also because my son gravitates towards younger children who are on his wavelength and the observation you made is that this kid does the same.

Whatever the reason for his behaviour though it needs reporting and I am glad your DH has done it. As a Mum I'd want to know if my son did anything like this...I'd be mortified..

Glad you've informed the authorities, will be interested to hear the outcome

i teach 11-16s. i've only known two make it to the sex offenders register but one was for roughly what's going on here. quite right to ring ss.

I know obviously the police now know we are reporting it but will they want to speak to dd, or will they tell the boys parents who reported it?

God, no! Even my 9 year old wouldn't dream of doing anything like that. You've done the right thing reporting.

I think I would have spoken to the parents before phoning SS or the Police.

I don't know what they will do but imagine they will handle the whole thing sensitively.

I think your DH has done the right thing - police or SS. Sounds like someone has been showing him porn / he has been watching porn somehow.

Elizabeth I was about to post the same thing....my 13 years old Ds may have the body of a maturing boy, but not the mind. He can't play with children his own age so to speak, he plays with children about 7 years old as this is the level he currently understands.

I know what you mean SB, but what happens if he is being abused, it could alert his parents and they may come up with excuses

He has an older brother 9mid 20's) who he stays with half the week and then his mother the rest of the week.

I know 99. It's a really horrible situation to be in and until you are in it you don't know how you would react.

Because on the other hand he may not be being abused and the parents are going to be horrified when they get the knock on the door. But I suppose that's the best scenario.

It's just yuck all round really.

Op, awful situation for all involved

Your dd will probably have to give a statement, as will the other girls involved.

The boys parents won't be told that it was you that called.

Due to the nature of what's been happening, the police may want to do a recorded statement with your dd at the station with specialist officers.

How is your dd coping?

Please let us know how things go

DD has special needs and will not cope with being interviewed.

she is fine at the mo, but it is such a difficult situation

sparkling problem with speaking to the parents is
you run the risk of them kicking off
you run the risk that if he is being abused, you alert the abuser

Yes, I hadn't thought of it like that Mambon, it's just horrible.

it is horrible

If you explain to them about your DDs special needs I am sure that they will find a way of accomodating that, really.

When they come to see you I think you need to explain this to them right off the bat and explain that she will not cope with being interviewed and then your cards are on teh table as it were.

If they decide that an interview does need doing they might be able to talk to one of DDs friends instead?

And hopefully it won't come to that I imagine it will be one for SS rather than formal police type intervention.

But I am guessing I admit.

I would bet money that the brother has been letting him watch porn. I have heard that story before. There are some wonderful police officers trained to interview vulnerable people. I worked for SS and saw them do this very sensitively so don't worry too much.

So glad you didn't talk to the parents, OP, and that you went to the police. I was abused as a 5-6 year old by a 12-13 year old boy and it started in a very similar way. It's great that your DD is talking to you about it, praise her and remind her that she's allowed bodily boundaries etc. Erm. Basically this is just to say 'well done!' and I hope things go well with the police. I imagine they won't be flatfooted about this issue, as it's something they take very seriously.

OP, have you checked if he is asking younger kids to touch him or anything? I hope not though.

Tell the police about the fact he stays with his older brother - they'd probably want to check the brother out as well.