People that make put down comments all the time

[HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer]

AIBU to get pissed off with it and want to tell them to shut the fuck up.

There is a mum at DD2's school who cannot seem to say anything without a sting in the tail and a nasty dig. Our DDs are friends so it's difficult to keep a distance from her but I do try....

For example yesterday she approached me in the playground 'Hello, what have you been up to today?' Me 'Oh just a bit of housework, not much really'. Her (whilst throwing back head and laughing) 'Oh I'm really not one for housework. I prefer to actually spend time with my children rather than clean.

She is very competitive and seems intent on proving she is the best mother for some reason. 'Oh yes your DD goes to X dancing lessons doesn't she? My DD goes to Y for her lessons, they're more expensive there but then you get what you pay for with this kind of thing don't you?', and comments at 3 year old DS 'oooh what's mummy given you for a snack today then? Gosh, none of mine would know what that is as we're so health conscious'. She'll ask me a question and then use my reply as a springboard to make a put down and again try to prove to herself that she, of course, is better than me.

I feel like saying 'Yes, you win, you are the better mother/have the more advanced child' as soon as she opens her mouth!

This is a case for MN's 'Did you mean that to sound so rude?'

I feel the need to use that phrase....

Forgot to add too that she also goes on all the time about how I look 'Oh look at you, I'm sure you've lost weight' and goes on and on and on about it even though I say no, I am the same weight that I always am.

She must have very dirty house then. For spending time with dc's read too lazy to do any actual rl things.

Oh, so she doesn't let her children learn and grow by themselves? They must be very behind if they are unable to entertain themselves without adult direction.

Or you could tell her to 'please fuck off, there's a dear'?

I keep thinking up retorts to say to her but then don't really think I can be arsed getting into a war of words and sinking to her level, especially on the school run.

I'm trying to do the politely avoiding thing at the moment. 'oh you must excuse me I need to talk to the teacher'. Either that or I try to pounce on another mum - any mum - before this woman gets there and totally absorb myself in conversation with them.

Quick retort but make sure you have someone else to talk to immediately while it sinks in.

What FridasBrow said!

Or politely avoid unless the unsaid retorts really eat away at you.
Some people are just frickin nasty.

I can't comprehend the mentality of people like her; do they spend their time and energy constantly thinking of put downs for others or is it something that is built into certain people?

You have my sympathy. I posted last week on the relationships board about a similar problem. My kids are 21 and 18 and I have a very jealous so-called friend who puts me down in very similar ways - asks me a loaded question the answer to which she knows she is going to hate, then makes snide comments...I will try to copy the link because I got some very good advice from some wise MN ladies which might help

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1482175-Toxic-passive-aggressive-friend-long-sorry

And thank you FridasBrow for that great line, must give it a try!

It usually indicates an inferiority complex.
She doesn't feel comfortable with who she is so seeks to validate herself by "biggin-herself-up" to you.
Avoid her and let her find someone else to provide her therapy for her.

I think one thing you could do, would be to give her less fodder to work with -

She says: 'Hello, what have you been up to today?'

Me 'Oh this and that, you know'.

She's struggle to get a put down out of that, surely?

Very irritating. She must be an unhappy person. Easy advice to give out, but could you manage to feel sorry for her?

I think you're being bullied. She's a bully, she's getting the reaction from you that she craves - she wants you to feel bad because it's the only way she can feel good. What a nightmare. Her poor daughter.

If I were you I would square up to her, as you have to do with bullies. Look her right in the eye, tell her that it's not acceptable to try and make someone feel bad by making these comments. The only language she understands is the language of force.

Or just try and subtly turn it back around.

' Because I actually like spending time with my children! '

' oh, me too, but I find the children are much happier in a clean house, and independence is a great trait for them to have, don't you think? '

' have you lost weight ?'

' why yes I have! I followed a brilliant meal plan, I can get you a copy if you want? '

You could try excessively praising her in a patronizing way for her brilliant parenting e.g. 'oh wow, so your children have never even seen a packet of crisps because of their healthy diet? Fantastic! You must be so dedicated. What a great way to be, well done' or 'you prefer to spend time with your kids? Wow, you're such a dedicated parent, that's wonderful. Well done' etc etc ad nauseam..

She may never even notice your sarcasm but at least you'll feel better.

There is a woman who avoids me like the plague now because each time she tried to engage me in bitchy conversations I used to look at her like this while being squinting quite a lot. She thinks I'm a weirdo now. Fine by me. :o

I remember your name...from 2 very similar threads - both complaining about different "friends" who have upset you in some way because they are always going on about their children and putting you down. You sound a bit jealous and weird to be honest. I really wouldn't have mentioned it..it;s just the threads jumped out at me because of the fact that you were complaining about people doing the exact thing that you are doing now..if that makes any sense.

I have one like this at dds nursery, however in this case I think she is just really insecure and lacks social skills as opposed to meaning to be nasty or put me down as such. But jeezo, I really need to bite my tongue at times. I have said "That is actually quite rude, you know" and she nearly burst into tears, so now I'm counting down to the end of term so I can remove my teeth from my tongue.

Robin Hex is asking about this particular woman, its not unheard of to have an issue with more than one person,

FIL does it everytime he opens his gob, unless he thinks he's dying of course.

I gave up talking to him ages ago.

I had this yesterday at a family gathering. Ive always been the one who is treated like meg from family guy, the one who gets the sharp end of everyones tounge.

one aunt managed a double whammy of getting me and my dc in one go with the gem "you and your dc are more alike than is perhaps suitable for this family"

Jealous and weird? Oh yes, terribly jealous and weird to not want to put up with nasty comments with a sting in the tail. What is quite weird, in my opinion, is the fact that you remember so vividly other threads that I've started. That kind of thing could be construed as jealous, weird, stalkerish behaviour.

You go Hex!