To not want my dp to go out with this friend?

[fedup11]

I'm feeling very sensitive so please don't be too hard on me.

I've been with my dp for almost 4 years and it's been a bumpy ride, he takes us out, he generally treats me pretty good (day to day), helps out with dd and is really good with her, he generally just accepts me for who I am which is something I value in a person.

But he has also treated me like complete shit on occassion, examples, about 2 years into our relationship I feel pregnant and practically forced me to have an abortion by not speaking to me for weeks and making it very clear he did not want the responsibility. He refuses to commit to anything more than a weekend relationship this is partly down ot the distance we live apart. We were once supposed to go away for two weeks with his family and he backed out at the last minute even though I'd booked time off work etc. On occassions where we have split up for a few weeks I've found out on his computer that he's joined dating sites and been chatting to women, been flirting with women on Facebook that he's met on chat rooms. He breaks up with me every few months over silly things.

Anyway, the latest spat, he has this mate that I really don't think a lot of, this mate has a child he seems to never bother with a just uses the mother to have sex with when he wants it, on the one occassion I was 'allowed' to meet this friend he blanked us and went off on the pull, he's text my dp things like when they have been supposed to be going for a curry that they are gong for some 'pilau and pussy', although do swears his mates just immature, I hate the ways his mate speaks about women, it's all 'tits and ass' this. So if dp says he wants to meet this friend I cringe, he doesn't go out very often probably only twice a month but as he went out last week and we were supposed to be having a long weekend as a family I was pissed off when he told me he was meeting the twat, so it resulted in a big row and him telling me I'm controlling and wants to break up.

Yes I know you're supposed to trust your partner but for us the trust has well and truly had it and is taking time to build back up but he can't see this or obviously doesn't care.

[Shutupanddrive]

I think dp's friend is the least of your problems. Your dp sounds like a twat, sorry

[Megatron]

Sorry love, but I think you deserve better than this.

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

Oh dear. I'm sorry, but all the things you say in paragraph 2 are negated by all the things you say in the rest of the OP.

He's telling you, by his past actions, and by who he chooses to hang out with, what he is really like. I'd listen if I were you.

[fedup11]

Oh just to add dp hasn't really got any others friends than this guy, when we first got together I had hoped to meet him sometime. No I don't want to tag along every time they have a night out but as it's his 'best' mate I had thought he might like to casually introduce his girlfiend, I raised the issue but was told I was off my head and they don't bring girlfriends out, and how his mate would think I didn't trust him etc, etc.

We are both nearly 30 btw.

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

You've been through with him, mis-treatment I have not been through with my DH in 23 years

[picnicbasketcase]

He sounds like an immature overgrown teenager who's more concerned with his mate thinking he's cool than with what you think of him. Get rid. Sorry.

[HerMajAnyFucker]

I would stop fixating on this mate of his being the problem, or even how your P might behave when he is with said mate

You need to look at all of your P's behaviour. This is not a good relationship, an you could do very much better than this.

he breaks up with you every few months to see what other women he can shag else is out there, do you realise that ?

And you keep taking him back when he's had his fill

lovely

[fedup11]

I know he's treated me very, very badly it's just incredibly hard to accept because despite all the horrible stuff he's also done some things for me that noones ever done and that is the side I don't want to let go of.

[yellowraincoat]

Got to agree with the others - why have one bad side one good side when you can have 2 good sides?

No-one's perfect, but why be with someone who treats you that badly? Why be waiting around for the next breakup?

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

And that's why he knows he can get away with the bad stuff. If you think about it, that doesn't make him seem like a genuinely nice caring person, does it? It makes him someone who is taking advantage of your neediness.

[JamieandTheOlympicTorch]

Also, once you accept that you deserve to be treated well all the time, there will be someone who'll be worthy of you out there.

[Sallyingforth]

To you he is your DP.
But to him, you are just a FWB and he is free to live as he wishes.

If you are content to live like that it's your choice, but isn't ever going to change for the better.

You have a choice to make: either accept it, or move on.

[fivegomadindorset]

As above, the friend really is the least of your problems.

[tethersend]

"despite all the horrible stuff he's also done some things for me that noones ever done"

You may find that someone else will do those things without screwing you over at the same time...

[OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos]

You deserve to be treated better than this, but at the same time, this is a situation of your own making. He treats you like this because you let him.

He didn't speak to you when you found you were pregnant - you stayed in a relationship with him.
He made it clear he didn't want the responsibility of a child - you have chosen to ignore that because he's a good dad when it suits him.
He has always wanted a weekend relationship - you have gone along with it.
He let you down at the last minute over a holiday - you stayed with him.
He is straight onto dating websites when you split up - yet you still get back together with him.

You can't expect anyone else to treat you with respect if you don't treat yourself with respect.

[Mrsjay]

you deserve so much better than this a weekend partner really isnt good for you , and his friend sounds like a prat , I dont want to be Harsh but your boyfriend is using you .

[ENormaSnob]

Get some self respect and get rid.

[numbertaker]

I think that its two fold. You put up with rubbish. He never made you have an abortion, you allowed yourself to be pressured into having an abortion.

Having a paddy over him going out with a particular friend is just you clutching for control over a relationship were you have become oppressed.

You need to kick him to the kerb sister and get some self respect.

[OhTinky]

This to him is just a fwb, not a relationship. You can only see him on weekends but he goes out with mates on weekends twice a month? How part time a relationship are you happy to have?!

You judge his friend for being a bit of a part time partner/dad when in reality your "D"P is just the same.

His actions are telling you something here. When you do break up is it alway you that takes him back?

[TidyDancer]

Well in a normal situation, I would say you can't dictate who your DP's friends are, but the friend here is the very least of your problems.

You are in a relationship with someone who doesn't value you, or respect you. Is that really what you want for yourself, or the examply you want for your DD?

[TartyMcFarty]

They both sound very immature. Leave them to each other and get dating yourself!

[TidyDancer]

examply example

[eurochick]

He sounds awful. He treated you absolutely appallingly about the pregnancy. There are plenty of lovely men out there. Why not dump this loser and give yourself the opportunity to find one of them?

[WorraLiberty]

He's not really your DP is he?

He's more of a weekend boyfriend

Given that you two have no real ties, I'd dump him as quickly as possible and free yourself up to date a decent man.

[fedup11]

I'm completely unhappy about having a weekend relationship and I used to try and change that but basically because we live so far apart it's difficult and I know he's no intention of us moving in together.

When we have broke up he usually wants to make up within a few days / weeks and is super nice so I fall for it. For example after he let me down over the holiday he came back full of apologies saying he hated it without me, then booked another holiday for us, and those are the sorts of things he does that win me round.

I know deep down that he cannot really give shit about me but then he does other things such as comes to dds swimming lessons and clubs every week without fail, takes us out all the time and I think, why would he do that if he didn't care, and maybe he'll grow up a bit someday.

But ye, pretty much expected the answers I have got.