To Expect a full replacement?

[AThousandSuns]

Greetings.

My DP and I have been looking after my MIL's dog while she is away on holiday for two weeks. We don't mind this at all, as we often do favours for eachother.

MIL suggested that the dog be put in the bathroom overnight, as he barks like a crazed lunatic for most of the night due to him being used to sleeping on MIL's bed. He was put in there with the door closed to drown out the noise and allow us all to sleep.

Yesterday I got up in the morning to find the bathroom flooring shredded. He had attempted to dig his way out. We have a downstairs bathroom that is joined to our kitchen, and they have a tile effect vinyl flooring going through both of them. Still on holiday, MIL was informed of the distruction and said she would replace the damaged floor.

The question is this - how much should she replace? As I said, we've always had matching flooring in the bathroom and kitchen. So replacing the bathroom only with an equivilent (though not exactly the same because we can't find the exact same one) would mean that they are no longer matching.

It would cost about £100 to replace the bathroom only, or about £250 to replace the kitchen and bathroom. The kitchen flooring does have several scuffs, rips and stains, but nothing we weren't happy to live with.

Would you want to whole thing done or would you settle for the bathroom only? Would you pay for the whole thing or just the bathroom only?

I'd love to see you try that with a child and then come on here to tell us all that it's okay because he won't come to any harm in the bathroom.

Unrelated but the other day someone on here said if they saw a cat in their driveway they'd run it over because they hate cats. I mentioned I was none to keen on other people's kids and knew what to do if I met hers. That didn't go down to well!

Personally I wouldn't ask my mother/mother-in-law to replace the bathroom or the kitchen, but I think this largely depends on family dynamics. Does your mother-in-law work? Can she afford to replace the bathroom floor?

I do think it would be reasonable for her to pay for the bathroom floor if all involved feel this is acceptable as it was her dog that ripped the flooring, however I think it is your decision to have a matching kitchen (nothing to do with the dog or your mother-in-law) so I'm afraid this should come from your pocket.

I am pleased to hear your partner has overcome the worst of her PND!

I'm another who thinks the OP doesn't deserve to be flamed. And I like dogs.

This poor animal has been treated with dreadful cruelty. But not by the OP - by his owner, the MIL. She was the one who suggested shutting him in the bathroom. She was the one who decided to save herself some cash by sending him away from his home, to a family with small children and a woman who is recovering from PND. She is the one who probably knew perfectly well that the dog would be distraught. The OP's family don't have a dog. They only did as his owner suggested. She should have got a dog-sitter, or sent the dog to be cared for by someone experienced or professional, with proper facilities.

And if the OP likes to have matching flooring in their kitchen and bathroom - well, that may not be my choice, or yours, but they're entitled to have their house any way they damn well please. I think the MIL should pay for the whole job, and look after her pet properly in the future.

I've also heard someone on here proudly say that they ran at a dog and booted it for coming to close to her child (with no indication that the dog meant them harm). That is cruel.

It may be off on a tangent I guess, but poeple a comparing children to dogs. I've had a health visitor suggest "controlled crying", whereby you leave a child in their cot with no way out to scream and cry themselves to sleep. We've never done it with one of our children, but my sister has. Isn't it the same thing? And it actually suggested by some health visitors.

We have a dog, and we accept that our holiday options are limited by the fact that she couldn't cope with kennels and would pine without us. It's one of the things that we took on board when we rescued her.

AThousandSuns, what you're describing is not controlled crying. It's called "crying it out" and will get you roundly roasted for suggesting it on here. Does that answer your question?

I won't post again but I would like to know what you plan to do tonight?

RBN - yes, I'm very happy that she's getting better too. The medication is only just started working. She's left it a bit longer than she should to take the medication, but she was too afraid of it and TBH I didn't like to push her.

It's probably why she's so wound up about this. And no doubt why I'm finding it difficult to loose a couple of hours sleep for a fortnight - I've been staying up half the night with DP for months now, and getting up with the kids in an attempt to make things easier for her.

I'm fekking shattered right now.

As for what to do tonight, well last night he wasn't barking much so we didn't need to shut the door. He was fine with kitchen, so just moved things out of his reach and shut the safety gate. He seemed OK with that.

OK, Harvey, so MN hates this "controlled crying" or "crying it out" or whatever you want to call it. My point is that children aren't taken away for it, regardless of whether we do or do not agree with it. It's actually suggested.

Mind you, so is training a dog with extreme cruelty and violence, but I've never gone for that either. I only put the dog in the bathroom so I could have 4 hours of sleep.

Well I think your mil should offer to pay for the damage anyway, I'd prob take the money for the bathroom and put some towards the kitchen so it matches (if that's what's important to you). It is a bit annoying having to pay out when there was nothing wrong with it before, but I guess that's how things go sometimes.
Personally I dont think you've done anything wrong. You've just looking after a very spoilt dog following the directions of the owner. Personally, knowing what the dog is like, your mil should have put it in kennels. If my dog was like that there's no way I would inflict it on someone else's home. At the very least she should have provided a dog cage for night time, she sounds a bit thoughtless tbh. And I agree, there's no way I would have someone's dog on my bed or sofa, particularly if it's likely to mark them. And it sounds like she needs to take the dog to training lessons, and get it to lose weight. If she can't do that then she should give it to someone who can.

I don't know, I think I'm getting caught in an arguement between DP and her mum, and this is just another arguement. And I'm getting flamed for doing as DP asked and putting this thread up.

As for his weight, we will double our efforts of having a go at her. Maybe threaten her with hte RSPCA and see if it gets her to do something about it. It should.

There's been a few suggestions of caging the dog. Wouldn't he just get distressed in the cage, scram at it and bark all night anyway? So he's not going to be happy whatever we do unless we put him on our bed - WHICH IS NOT HAPPENING.

I'd put him in the cage (a reasonably large one) with his bed and some water. And id put a sheet or blanket over the cage to try and block out any outside stimuli. He should hopefully calm down a bit. I used to work as a vet nurse and this is what we used to do with some of the ones that needed to stay.

I'm a bit confused by that suggestion, actually.

The bathroom was bigger? And obviously he had his water, food bowl and his blankets. Which people are saying is cruelty to point of, apparently, being banned from ever having a dog?

Anyway, as I've said, he only that distressed the night before last. MIL went away monday, so I guess it was his second night without her or something. He was OK last with the kitchen last night, and I presume he will be tonight.

Seriously do not understand why the op is getting such a hard time...

Not the best that dog has been shut in the large bathroom, but if the family has been sleep deprived for weeks/ months, I can totally understand being at the end of your tether and willing to try anything (within reason obv's).

Loving the fact that posters are suggesting what to do next time, hmm not really helping with the here and now is it? ......Oh and even better the one's who are suggesting to leave the dog at MIL's overnight on its own???? Can just see the next AIBU " Next door's dog has been barking and howling all night...no-one in the street/close whatever has had a wink of sleep".

I am not sure what you do, but whoever said try sleeping in the same room as the dog might be worth a try,not the best solution but looks like you have tried a few.

Also my aunt has a King Charles who put on loads of weight once he had the snip, so a trip to the vet may be agood idea for the MIL.

YABU to ask for whole flooring, annoying as it is, i think bathroom only.

Good Luck

The reason I said it's cruel to let a dog sleep in your bed is that you cannot guarantee that you'll always be around to care for your dog. You cannot guarantee that whoever takes him on wants him in their bed. I am in just this situation now, because the owner of the dog I'm minding always had him in bed. He expects it now, and it's something I'm not willing to do. So he is miserable.

I feel so so sorry for that poor little dog but, whilst the OP calling him a little shit made me come over particularly stabby, I do agree with those who say the MiL is totally to blame. If she said to shut the dog in the bathroom, it was perfectly reasonable of the OP to do so, especially with a bed, water and it being a large room.

From my experience, cavis are a clingy breed but they are intelligent and easy to train, if the effort is put in. Our one usually ends up on our bed at some point in the night but, for obvious reasons, has to stay in his bed in the hall at certain times. But when my parents look after him he knows that he always stays in the kitchen at night and is happy to do so.

As for the weight issue, I've come across so many fat cavis and the owners can't get over how slim and healthy ours is. We explain that it's just a simple formula of regular exercise and minimal (dog only) treats and the level of denial is shocking. Although one woman did say "but how do you resist the eyes?" (cavis are in a class of their own where pleading looks are concerned). My response was I'd rather endure the guilt stares than the guilt I'd feel if my poor dog was too fat to run around and enjoy his life and if I caused my dog's premature death.

OP - if you can, please make an effort to try to get your MiL to see what harm she's doing to the poor little dog.

As for the flooring, if it were my dog that caused the damage I would offer to pay for the whole thing.

DogEared - agree. The MIL has trained her dog to expect and need a certain type of arrangement, and has now gone off on holiday, having arranged for him to go to a place where that arrangement isn't possible. Her suggested solution was to shut him away, and she must have known that he'd be distressed.

"(cavis are in a class of their own where pleading looks are concerned)."

Ooh- I take exception to that

diddl maaaaaayyyybeeee I'm a little biased

I don't think there's any doubt that the MIL is a complete twit. (I am being kind saying that BTW) but the fact is, the OP is immediately responsible for the dog and has a duty of care to it.

How big the room the dog dog was shut in is irrelevent, as is whether it had food or water, because what the dog needed was human company and it was distressed because it didn't have that.

OP if the dog is crated, it can be kept next to you, either in the living room whilst you sleep on the sofa (surely the best way to ensure your wife gets some proper rest) or in the bedroom next to your bed. That way it can't 'mark' (something else dogs do when distressed) but can have human company. Very unusual if it sleeps on your MIL's bed and toilets there though, it's not at all usual for dogs to toilet in their own sleeping area.

Personally, I think the dog needs to see a vet ASAP. They can advise you on DAP, mild sedatives for temporary use if they deem they are needed and particularly the dog's weight issue, as walking it suddenly may do more harm than good.

I also think it is wise to contact the RSPCA, not to threaten it, unless upon her return your MIL doesn't immediately seek advice from a vet about her dog's condition. Sadly, many, many people do not see an overweight dog as neglected in the same way they would see a very thin or ill dog, but the amount of neglect is the same, if not worse. Neutering can make a dog more inclined to put on weight, but it can be controlled with management, even a neutered dog can't live on fresh air!

donnie are you suggesting the OP should put his MiL's dog in a dog's home (which, if you want a no-kill shelter, isn't a straightforward process for an older dog AFAIK) while she's on holiday?

Even if it could be arranged, all that would happen would be it would cause massive ructions in the family, the MiL would get the dog back and the dog would have become even more distressed.

midori 's advice is really sensible and what you should do OP if you have any compassion for this dog.

Donnie, did you read/understand the part where the dog doesn't belong to the OP? He's hardly a bell end for not dumping someone else's dog in a home while she's on holiday, although yes, it does sound like the dog's owner isn't up to the job. Perhaps it should be rehomed if she won't change things - but that isn't up to the OP, is it?

no I am suggesting the OP should put it permanently in a shelter or whatever you do with abused animals because they can't cope with it and the MIL is killing it!

Op, you said you didn't know what to do with that suggestion, re putting the dog in the cage with a blanket on top and you say the bathroom is bigger. The point is, the dog has damaged your bathroom. Thus putting the dog in the crate will mean that you don't have to trap it in the bathroom, and because it's in a safe environment (the crate) it's not going to cause damage to itself or it's environment. It doesn't matter that the bathroom is bigger, it just needs some where safe to sleep. When it wants something bigger then you take it for a walk or watch It the house during the day. No?