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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask ExH to move his stuff out of my house

16 replies

tryingtobestonger · 31/05/2012 20:41

My DH left about 6 weeks ago and 2 weeks later moved in with OW he had been having affair with for 16 months.

He has taken clothes that he wears day to day but everything else is still here in what was 'our' home.

I have asked a couple of times and he has said he is short of space in OW's rented 1 bed flat but will sort out a date to collect stuff. His Mum has asked him why he has not moved stuff out yet and he said that as he is paying half the mortgage still he should be able to move it out when he is good and ready!

AIBU to want it gone now so I can move on with my life?

OP posts:
onemoreminute · 31/05/2012 20:46

Can it go to his mums? shed? garage?

ErikNorseman · 31/05/2012 20:47

YANBU
I would buy a load of those plastic laundry bags and chuck everything in them. Garage? Spare room?

Debeezandbirds · 31/05/2012 20:48

Speaking from the experience of when I kicked DH out. He said he had no space, he said he couldn't arrange anything, I needed to move on. Bin bag everything and tell him the date to pick it up. You have enough to do.

CAB if you have problems taking on the whole mortgage yourself.

coppertop · 31/05/2012 20:48

Give him a set date that it needs to be moved by or it gets thrown out.

If he doesn't have anywhere to put it then that's his problem. Your home is not a free storage locker for someone else's crap.

IvanaNap · 31/05/2012 20:49

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 20:50

It is a shit situation granted and I feel for you OP, but unfortunately until something more permanent is put in place, there isn't a lot you can do about it.

Can you ask him mum to take it?

Doha · 31/05/2012 20:51

Better still bag it all up and dump it on OW doorstep.

It's not your problem that there is no space for all his junk. That's her problem now.

DamnBamboo · 31/05/2012 20:53

These are all emotive responses and I understand it completely but if he still owns half the house and the stuff in it, you don't want to find yourself on the wrong end of the law by causing any criminal damage etc...

A friend of mine learned this the hard way

Dprince · 31/05/2012 21:14

You do need to look at legal implications. My friend was advised to contact her ex room mate and give her date (think she had to allow 12 weeks) to pick the rest of her stuff. She came and got it so it never came to getting rid of it. However the girl was no longer paying rent. It may be more complicated if he is paying half. will his mum take his stuff? If not bag it up so you can't see it. Put it somewhere like spare room or garage and tell that's where it is. Its not your problem the OW has no room. Maybe he should have thought about that before moving in. But then he clearly didn't think about your feelings, so a little thing such as space won't have entered his twatish little fuckwit brain.

Original poster
tryingtobestonger · 31/05/2012 21:50

Thanks all. I do need to stay the right side of the law seeing as both the ex and OW are police officers......

Have bagged up all the remaining clothes and they are in the shed. Our my bedroom is now free of all his things. Still so much to sort out though and to be honest this is only the start!

He is coming over tomorrow to see DD so will give him a date it all needs to be gone.

OP posts:
Debeezandbirds · 31/05/2012 21:55

Hugs for you trying. An affair at work. Nice. My Ex was a doctor, he was boffing one of his patients though. Has he been professional in his affair? It's good stuff to have knowledge of if he starts playing the law card. Ex made noises about half of the stuff ( I had paid for it all and the mortgage was in my name from the med school days ), he shut up quickly when I pointed out if he wanted to go through the system they would bring everything up including who he had the affair with and when i.e the reasons for the split. He was trying to scare me. We settled things ourselves in the end.

Original poster
tryingtobestonger · 02/06/2012 11:40

Debeezandbirds - gosh that sounds awful for you! I think affairs in the police are quite common and I'm not sure if they are particularly frowned upon like the whole dr/patient unethical relationship would be. From what I know no-one at work knew there was anything going on and I'm not sure if it is know that they are now living together.

Typically he didn't come over last night so I still haven't given him a date to clear everything out but there is more and more arriving in the shed each day. Good job it is quite big! Trying to keep it undamaged/reasonably tidy so no chance of being accused of criminal damage. I would hope he wouldn't be so petty but then again I never thought he was the type to have an affair......

OP posts:
Debeezandbirds · 02/06/2012 12:04

It was his timing that was awful, my dad was in the late stages of lung cancer. I swear my life felt like something out of Hollyoaks at the time. I hate Hollyoaks.

You need to find out if he's done anything wrong in case he tried to force your hand, then you can gently push it back. That's what I did, no blackmail or threats to call work, just "if you do this, every aspect of our life will go before a court".

If the shed is watertight and you've bagged everything you've done all you can to protect his stuff. Take photos to prove the care you took if it makes you feel better.

Meglet · 02/06/2012 12:07

yanbu. It's not your problem anymore. Give him a date and if he doesn't stick to it car boot / e-bay / charity shop the lot.

I made a few ££ out of the stuff XP never took with him.

motherinferior · 02/06/2012 12:09

Put it in black bin bags and send it in a taxi to his work.

My ex would NEVER have cleared his junk out of our flat if I hadn't binbagged it up and told him when to get it (otherwise I would have done the taxi thing. I had already sent his dirty washing and three pieces of bacon he'd left in the fridge - I was a veggie at the time - to his office, in a heat wave, so he knew I meant what I said.)

WhosPickleisThatOnion · 02/06/2012 12:12

Your not unreasonable at all to want it gone, you can at least start bagging it all up. He can't expect to keep it there long term. Sounds like a prick and wishing you all the best must be a hard time for you

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