To judge parents who really swear at their DC's?

[grumblinalong]

I was in the supermarket yesterday lunchtime and a man was in there with his 2/3 year old DS. The little boy was kicking off and laying in the aisle screaming. The dad said in a low, menacing voice 'Get off the f-ing floor you f-ing c'.

I was and looked at him sharply. I said to the little boy 'I don't want to run you over with my trolley so do you want to get up off the floor please' very smiley smiley because I thought a bit of kindness might help. The little boy was shocked a stranger had spoken to him, got up and the dad said 'Thanks' and smiled at me and walked off.

I went back to work and relayed the story to my colleagues, we work in children's services and the majority of us have dc's of our own. I'd say half thought it was horrible parenting and half thought the dad was probably just having a bad day and we shouldn't judge. I have to say I judged him, not only on the words but his tone - I have plenty of bad days with my dc's and my mothering is far from perfect but I'm pretty certain I have never said those particular swear words directly to my dc's, maybe under my breath have said ffs in frustration. AIBU and stuffy to judge? Is it an indication of bad parenting or just a bad day? It's really weighing on my mind.

I don't care what sort of day you're having, that is awful language to use, so aggressive . I would judge too.

If he's willing to do that in public, what does he do at home?

Thankyou, I was beginning to think I'd gotten really uptight and that it was normal to swear at DC's.

The little boy didn't bat an eye lid when his dad said it so, to him, I think it was the norm to be spoken to like that.

I think swearing at children is absolutely horrible and totally unecessary. It just shows a lack of control, its agressive and a lack of care about setting a good example for the child.

I've had many "bad" days with my DCs but have never ever sworn at them.

YANBU I think it is wholly disgusting. Makes me feel very very stabby. Heard a man in town calling his son (no more than 2 years old) a "fucking spaz" the other day. I was the closest I have ever been to losing it with a stranger in public

That is hideous! Swearing in front of the kids is one thing but actually calling them something is something else.

I think I have called DS a 'cheeky little bugger' once or twice but that's about it. I have never told him to 'effing...'.

I have said the bad F word in front of him but in my defence, it was when I cracked my head open on his bed, dropped a very heavy box on my foot, cut may hand with a big knife, broke an ornament from my late mother, fell down the steps and landed on my arse whilst holding a travel mug of coffee (which went over me). He always says 'ooooh mummy, that's a baaaaaad word', as he passes me the first aid kit.

Yes I do judge people who talk to others like that, and it's about a hundred times worse when it's a little child or a baby.
You just think: that, right there, is why that poor kid doesn't stand a chance, statistically.

You are certainly not being unreasonable. How vile, I could have the worst day ever and wouldn't swear at my.child. I've been known to mutter bloody hell.or fgs under my.breath bit goodness, that language is awful! As someone else said, if that's what he said infront of the general public in a public place, god knows what the wee boy is subjected to at home :-(

I've never seen anyone swear at their dcs, thank goodness. I don't think it's normal. Only time I've sworn in front of mine is when I stood on an ants nest.

I judge. It's hard to teach a child to respect other people when they are not shown how to respect.

Ds's (absent) father swore at him last year (fu*K...). Ds now refuses to see him. I can't blame him.

I judge. Quite a lot actually as our neighbour swears at her kids on a regular basis. Every morning we see them on the way to the bus stop and she's shouting 'get off the fucking road' or 'stop fucking doing that or I'll fucking boot your arse'. I feel really sorry for those kids.

Those same kids are now getting old enough (8, 6 and 5) that they are using that language themselves. They were at the park last week and threatening another child with large sticks saying 'I'm gonna kick you fucking head in'. That was where I stepped in and told them off for both using that language and for threatening the other child with sticks . Their mother was nowhere to be seen.

I think it's awful too.

But also I hear people talking, not in anger but just chattiing, either to their dc or with their dc nearby and they can't seem to help f-ing and swearing every other word. I think it must be some sort of habit

Frontpaw did you do all those things at the same time?!

YANBU it's horrid. Bad day (or not) is not an excuse

I agree Joanna, some people don't realise they are doing it in everyday conversation. I once brought up a pupil's language at parents evening, at which point his mum turned to him and said 'I've told you not to use that fucking language you bugger'. No wonder that boy swears, he doesn't know it's inappropriate.

I do think that's a bit different to nastily swearing at a child though.

gosh, yes, no...its only ok to swear at/infront of your kids if you have a bonefide reason/excuse and you declare it on this here mumsnet thread ...

its not ok to call your child a fucking cunt, no....

but dont be hypocritical...maybe that was the guys level of 'ok', whereas for you lot...its ok if you drop something on your foot/stand on a bees nest/ use your ok words....

It doesnt mean the boy is being mistreated further than that. And it doesnt mean the boy will grow up to be obnoxious. there are plenty of terrible polite, but totally obnoxious people on mumsnet in life.

It pisses me off that you can be offensive as you like as long as you dont swear. And the inverse of that

Whereas I swear, and Im lovely

I swear at my DS all the time...in my head.

I may say 'come on now darling, it is time for bed. It's very late so stop shouting and singing and go to sleep.'

I am thinking 'for fuck's sake you little bastard, go to sleep so I can lie down on the sofa with my kindle and a glass of wine.'

Don't say it though.

Bejeezus, You have a good point there. But still it does sound awful. My ds works in a supermarket p/t and sees people hitting their kids, thats the worst.

i swear and am nice. i just try (don't also manage tbh) to be careful of who's around-sometimes end up calling the car a fumbling buttock or a broken plate a shimmery shallot

but.........calling a child a fucking cunt
a fucking anything to adress another person especially a child is horrible.

unfortunatly dh is like the dad in op, his language is awful and i hate when its directed at the children. oddly enough he never directs it at mean which to me means he knows its wrong and abusive.

fullof-yes me too!
out loud-'ive asked you to put your shoes on ten times now, please can you hurry up so we can leave'
in head-'put your fucking shoes on so we can leave the pissing house'.

my head gets over excited but luckily my mouth is more careful.

I hear this a lot unfortunately, and yes I judge.

And I don't buy the argument that people treat others how they have been treated themselves. My parents swore at me and my siblings (including the c word) I would never swear at my DC's, I know how damaging it can be.

No stealth... It's just a regular occurrence!

Unfortunately I used to hear this all the time as a district nurse.

Bizarrely things like, ' get hold of the fuckin dog u little twat' to a toddler followed by, ' sorry nurse he's a right little tosser' etc.

Not all of these parents were awful people though, most adored their kids, it was just what they did and the littlies swore too.

But aggressive swearing at a child is horrible.

I never swore at mine until my oldest, as a know it all vile 17 year old, annoyed me and I told him to fuck off, the lock of horror on his face was a treat.

Filliofregrets, so funny and so true.