to think I can manage 2 year old and a newborn at home with me all the time?

[MakeTeaNotWar]

DD will be 25 months when DC2 arrives. She is currently at nursery 4 days a week while I am at work and this costs £50 a day.

Because of the cost and I'll be on SMP, I assumed I'd withdraw her from nursery while I'm on mat leave to look after both children at home myself with a view to going back to work in a year, both kids in nursery again.

Now I am starting to wonder if I can cope, if it's fair on DD1 as I won't be able to give her all the time and attention that she needs. Do people keep all their pre-school children at home with them whilst on leave and do they cope ok? Or is it money well-spent to keep the older child in nursery for some sessions a week - both for their development and for my sanity? DH works Mon - Sat so I'll only have his help in the evenings and on Sundays.

Or AIBU and naive to think I'll be able to cope just fine?

I had all mine at home until 3 1/2 and it was fine. Just get out and meet people and keep busy.
It will be a bit of a change for your DD to come out of nursery but I'm sure she'll do fine.

I've only ever looked after my dnephew (6mo) whilst having my 2 year old with me a few times and that was hard work! Ds is a very active child though so it depends on what your dd is like.
Maybe you could shorten her time to 2 days a week in nursery to give you a bit of a break?

It's unfortunately down to ££ - even 2 days a week is £400 a month, a massive outlay when on SMP. Not sure what value to put on my own time and stress levels though! Now I'm thinking I'll keep her in until end Oct (DC2 due end Sep) and see how we are getting on....

How about four morning or afternoon sessions to keep dd in a routine and give you a bit more breathing space.

I have 3 preschoolers, 4, 3 and 8 months.

So when DD2 was born DD1 was 18 months.

When DS (DC3) was born DDs were 27 months and 3 years 10 months.

When DD2 was born DD1 was with me 24/7 now DS is here both DD attend nursery 1 day a week.

Now exP worked 6-7 days a week and only had the day of the birth off each time. He was also working away for long periods of time.

My experience was that I quickly fell into a routine with a newborn and DC and felt very able to care for them all. Only time it can be an issue ostensibly at bath time (older dc in bath, wash do hair and then put newborn in baby bath, dress in bathroom and put in bounced while getting DC out of the bath) and at bed time (baby in sling to get older ones into bed and read book, then deal with newborn). Feeding newborn and keeping him/her in a sling will help when older DC decides to dart off or be naughty because they think you are dealing with newborn.

Having a second is nothing like having PFB.

People will expect you not to cope but they are your DC so you will cope just fine.

Oh, and just wanted to add the children aren't the reason for P being an Ex.

i am at home with a 16 week old, 22 month old and 3 (and 2 month) year old,3 year old starts nursery in sept :) its not too bad reaally

DS was 25 months when DD was born, she's now 3 months old. DS was at a childminder for 3 mornings a week until I went on mat leave, when I reduced it down to 3 hours, twice weekly. I did think about withdrawing him completely but didn't, partly as he gets so much out of being there and partly as I didn't want him to lose his place (and then have to look for a childminder for 2 children). So DS is home most of the time with me and I won't pretend it's not hard, some days I find it very difficult to deal with the needs of two young children at very different stages. Between 3 and 10 weeks were the worst, after DH went back to work the reduced attention really hit DS hard and he did things like biting me a few times and having very frequent tantrums. Evenings were particularly bad as DS has dropped his nap and gets very grumpy late afternoon, then DD had bad colic for hours in the evening; sometimes it felt like the noise and tears were never going to stop.

Now with DD at 13 weeks it's much better, DS adores her and loves joining in 'helping' to change and bathe her (he wants to bf her too and was most put out when I explained he couldn't). When DD naps I make sure I make time for DS on his own, housework has gone out the window at the moment as I'm trying to make sure the children have my time. DH has been amazing and although I never get a 'break' at the moment he does understand how full-on it can be. I'm glad DS does have his mornings away, it's more hassle for me as he's only there for a few hours and the journey isn't short, but he seems to enjoy time away playing with his friends and after picking him up we always have a happy afternoon.

Before having a second baby we were worried that DS would suffer with lack of attention, but in reality it's DD who gets less of my attention at the moment (although hopefully not to her detriment, she seems happy!). It's quite nice when DS is at the childminder to have time just with me and DD. In the early days she spent quite a bit of time in the sling, which meant I could carry on as normal without having to worry about her. She now seems happy on her playmat or in her bouncy chair just watching what's going on as DS and I play.

She's still a baby herself really

I'm sure you'll cope just fine as you'll both learn to adapt.

OP, I'm in almost the same boat. My DD currently goes to CM 3 days whilst I work, and I'm loathe to keep her at home when I'm off (No 2 due in September).

I just don't feel it's fair to take away her routine, her friends, the groups she goes to etc. She loves going to the CM and asks to go on her days at home (thanks but at the same time, I do feel guitly farming her out when I'll be at home.

I dunno what the answer is - probably, like most things, do what suits you best...very helpful!

I think it's perfectly possible but is a nice luxury to get some time alone with baby.
I'm sending DS (26months) to a local playgroup/nursery for 2 mornings a week once DS2 arrives It is really cheap as it's a non-profit community group which helps. Might you have something like that locally? 2 mornings at nursery or something else really minimal might be good just to give you a break. She doesn't have to do full days.

I was at home with an 18month old and 2 1/2hr old when ds3 arrived, till the oldest started nursery 8 months later. The older 2 do play very well and are very independent, that's the biggest factor that makes life easier for me.

DS was 21 months when DD was born. I took him out of nursery.
Personally I found that having a toddler around was lovely (I find babies a bit boring!) and it helped me get out any meet people (in terms of taking him to toddler groups etc). I also liked not having to follow a schedule.

The downside for me was that when he did go back to nursery he had completely forgotten it and had a hard time settling in. So if you can afford it, it might be worth considering keeping him in for 1 or 2 sessions a week.

Hey, My dd1 was 21mo, when dd2 arrived. Even though I'm a sahm we have dd1 in nursey on a Mon and Fri, so it breaks up the week. It was bloody hard at first, and had mil to help in the first few weeks, as dh was useless in taking his paternity leave, and 'worked from home'
We now have a good routine going, and have to be really organised with everything.
We've had dd1 in nursery since she was 15mo, as she is an absolute handful, and can be like having 10 kids. She loves it too, so we're all happy!

Many people have coped over the years

Given that I a SAHM mine have been at home with me. ds1 was just about to turn 2 when dd was born. The term after he turned 3 he started his government funded hours at nursery but we only sent home 1 day a week. Ds2 is 12 weeks now, ds1 is at school and dd is at preschool for her 15 hours which is 5 mornings. I pick her up at 11.30 and then ds1 at 3.15 so then I have 3! children by myself until dh finsihes work.

You just get into a routine, you go to toddler groups so the big one can run off and play with different toys for a bit. You go to the library for story sessions and so on.

That's not to sya it isn't nice to be able to have some time just you and baby. If you can afford it you could cut hours rather than stop completely?

I did it. Dd1 was 2 when dd2 arrived. I did send dd1 to pre school for 2 afternoons a week though.

DS1 was 21 mo when DS2 arrived. It was hard work but fine. They both had to wait for stuff a bit more than if they were being cared for soley by me but I don't think it messed them up that much!

Just get out, find groups to go to that you know will work with two before the baby comes. And don't be afraid of Cbeebies.

DS1 was two and a half when DS2 was born. I had always planned to take him out of nursery, partly due to the money and partly because deepdown I didn't really want him to go and felt guilty about it

I took maternity leave six weeks before DS2 was due and took DS1 out of nursery then, we had a lovely, lovely time that I still remember with fondness, and got him potty trained too. However I did feel guilty about taking him out of nursery, just as I felt guilty about putting him in, because he seemed to be liking it there.

I did find it hard with two, especially as DS2 had colic, was very screamy and frustrated and difficult to settle and sleepless, and I feel DS1 suffered as I was snappy and sleep deprived. But I also have fantastic memories of that summer, we went to children's centres where staff would look after one or the other so I could spend time with the other one (they always volunteered this!), we went on trips to the seaside and museums and playgrounds and all kinds of places. It was really tough but it was also lovely.

However if I did it again, and if I could afford it, I would have left DS1 in nursery one day a week - he was in 3 days - partly to maintain something he seemed to like, partly to allow me to do things like bring-the-baby pilates, and partly becasue when we put him back in nursery aged three and a half it was hard to get him back into the routine, he was clingy.

I'm in almost exactly the same situation (although also have older child at school) and have decided to keep my 2yr old in nursery but 2 days/week instead of full time.

He'll be going back full time after a year so I figured it is good for him to keep some continuity, he loves being there and playing with his friends, and he is also a real handful so I wanted to make sure I didn't end up too frazzled. It is a lot of money but I think it'll make me a nicer mum - I get stressed quite easily and didn't cope brilliantly when DC2 was born so don't want to risk feeling like that again.

I also figure that if I want to have the 2 yr old around more, I can always stop the nursery altogether, but am pretty sure I won't.

I kept DS in nursery one morning a week when his little sister was born. It meant he could have 4hrs playing and lunch with his little friends and me and DD had time to bf in peace or wander to the shops. It worked out well for all of us.

I'm at home with 5 month old twins and 16 months old!!
And 2 older children go to school, it really isn't that bad, they all slot Into same routine and nap same time so I can still do what I need too!!!

If you could do with saving the money then give It a try!

Do you get childcare vouchers through work at the moment? if so, do you know that they continue throughout maternity leave and whilst you get SMP, your work covers the contribution, it doesnt come out of your SMP. Worth noting as a way to afford a bit of childcare over your maternity leave.

I have to say my childrens age difference is similar, he had 3 sessions of playgroup a week - it just gave me a chance to nap when the baby did if we had a hideous night.

I also felt it was important for him to socalise with other children separately from me.

OP are you getting childcare vouchers for nursery? because you will continue to get them even while on smp and they will nor be deducted from smp. so thats atleat £273 a month for the nursery, so you can still keep her in for 1 or 2 days a week if you like.

£200 a week is a lot of money for a service that you don't 'need'.

If you save this you can take out £20-£30 pw for a cleaner/ironing lady (if you don't have one) plus another £25-£50 for a young flexible girl to come and take your ds to toddlers groups/park/music group etc or help you 2 evenings with tea and bathing.
That way you still have some help and you still save over £100 pw.

I have 25 months between mine & dd doesn't attend nursery so I have them with me all day-it is hard work & I'm sort of looking forward to going back to work for 2 days a week for a break

Having said that I do enjoy my time with them mostly, though ds is going through the crying a lot phase at the moment as he wants to be mobile but has yet to figure out how to do so

I get together with friends & go to playgroups with them a couple of times a week, then of course there is granny who is a godsend...........