to think I can manage 2 year old and a newborn at home with me all the time?

[MakeTeaNotWar]

DD will be 25 months when DC2 arrives. She is currently at nursery 4 days a week while I am at work and this costs £50 a day.

Because of the cost and I'll be on SMP, I assumed I'd withdraw her from nursery while I'm on mat leave to look after both children at home myself with a view to going back to work in a year, both kids in nursery again.

Now I am starting to wonder if I can cope, if it's fair on DD1 as I won't be able to give her all the time and attention that she needs. Do people keep all their pre-school children at home with them whilst on leave and do they cope ok? Or is it money well-spent to keep the older child in nursery for some sessions a week - both for their development and for my sanity? DH works Mon - Sat so I'll only have his help in the evenings and on Sundays.

Or AIBU and naive to think I'll be able to cope just fine?

I have both of mine at home with me and it really is fine, you will cope. But it is hard work and my DH is only able to help from 7pm and on Sundays too.

Is it an option to either drop the days gradually so its not such a shock to your DD?

Or drop her down to 1 or 2 days a week after October?
(Less of a financial impact and you still get time with your newborn.)

I felt guilty about DD2 getting less time with me (17.5mth gap), and also guilty that DD1 had my undivided attention for so little time. But they are fine and play together now- and now they keep each other occupied I feel no guilt .
DD2 will miss her sister when she starts preschool in September though.

I will admit to finding it very hard. I would keep your options open as much as you can. No reason to think you won't be fine though.

Those of you who suggest playgroup or nursery for few hours does it really help you? I haven't done it but i imagine i would find it harder to having to get them ready and out of the door at specific time, commute to nursery, and then return home for only 2 hours until you have to go back to Nursery. Even if the baby slept in that window i wouldn't be able to nap after being out. But maybe just me being difficult.

That's why i 've suggested to get a girl to help her few hours at home. That way you choose the hours and you change them according to your needs, more flexability. Plus you stay in your pjs.

If it is full days, like LeQueen, i see the point, for 3 hours i would find it more hassle than help in the first 2-3 months.

ds1 was 18 months old when ds2 was born. I can honestly say it never occurred to me that I wouldn't cope for the simple reason that there was buggerall choice in the matter! I can't say it was impossibly hard either but things were hectic at times. I'm not sure (even if nursery had been available) that life would have been much easier if I'd had to get us up and out at a specific time.

Laquitar - it really worked for us - helped with a routine - baby had a sleep on pre-school run -I got a bit of a break- older one was entertained - and if we didn't go out again -didn't matter -was only 5 minutes drive mind

Hi I've got 16 months between DD1 and DD2. I'd been made redundant so couldn't afford any nursery care but found my local surestart centre good for groups for the older one and the helpers all wanted to hold the baby so it was a small break. Look into Homestart too. They have volunteers who can come and visit you at home once a week. You can refer yourself from their website I had a really long wait for my volunteer so it is best to get on the list as soon as possible.

Once DD1 turned 3 she went to the local preschool for 15 hours which was good for her and she loves it. She'll be at school in September and DD2 will get her 15 hours so there will be peace in the house for a small spell which must be my reward for the crazy first 4 years.

Depends on your eldests personality and how he managed with new sibling. If they both have sleeps you might be ok. Otherwise I'd employ a cleaner once a fortnight to help keep you on top of things. I'd also plan to take child out to toddler groups and soft play/park lots. In your situation I'd probably pay a CM/mum friend an hourly rate of 4 pounds to have eldest for a couple of mornings each week.

I'm sure you'll cope just fine.

When DD was born I kept DS in nursery for one day a week because he enjoyed it, and because I thought it would give him some continuity for when I went back to work and they would both be going. Plus it was nice to have 1 day a week that was just me and DD and meant I could get more done.

laquitar our nursery was on the doorstep. So I just wandered up there with DS after 9am and then I came home and had breakfast in peace or went to town for it. It also meant he had a hot lunch at nursery so the general mess and fuss that goes with toddlers eating was delayed until tea-time.

I am with whenyouseeitwaveorcheer on this topic.

Don't mean to be rude or cheeky, but of course it is possible to manage with a 2 yr old and a newborn.

Having both your children at home would be good for them and also for you, as they will be learning how to gel together as siblings.

Hello, I'm also going to be in same boat with newborn and 20 month old. It depends on your current conditions of employment but if you receive childcare vouchers your employer may be required to continue providing them even if you're not being paid. It is not deducted from SMP. Check this out www.hmrc.gov.uk/employers/sml-salary-sacrifice.pdf
You can either use the childcare or save the vouchers for expensive times ahead with two kids in childcare before the early years hours kick in!
You do lose a little from mat pay based on your earnings as you've made the salary sacrifice but evens out quickly. Check with the nursery as they may have experience and good luck! Having two will be another blind step on this great learning curve of motherhood!

I don't think OP is talking about 'getting one child out of the way' so that she can focus on another. She's weighing up what's best for her family in their particular circumstances.

OP, there's no right or wrong decision. I was working 2 days a week when dc2 was born with a similar gap. I kept dc1 in nursery for those days for the reasons that other posters give ie she had been there for 6 months or so, was very settled, stimulated and happy and it gave me a couple of quieter days to catch up on chores etc. My dh was working long hours (and studying at the weekends), and I didn't have any family help.

I really appreciated being able to do things like get dc2's jabs, meet friends for lunch and do chores whilst dc1 was in nursery. My dc1 is very high maintenance, and spent the first 6 months of dc2's life sticking her fingers down his neck and the like, demanding to be carried and shouting "MUM" every time I even looked at someone else. I appreciated a couple of days break from this, tbh.

I've got a friend with a similar gap who had been a SAHM. She had support from her partner and MIL, a much more independent dc1 and was more established in a 'stay at home' life iyswim. She kept both children at home with her, although her mil took her oldest for 1 or 2 days a week, so not that different really.

OP, i'm sure you will be able to cope, and there's a lot of good advice here

But one thing to consider - if you take your DD out of nursery, will you be able to get the place back in, say, six month if you go back to work? Might want to keep your foot in the door for her and for your second child. (Nursery places around here are so mad - 1000 on the waiting list for one I looked at....!!)

2 years exactly between our DDs and initially DD1 carried on going to creche 5 days a week while I got back on my feet and had some snuggly time with DD2. It meant I also got housework etc done so that when I collected DD1 we could just enjoy being together. We also had a big (international) house move when DD2 was ) weeks, so it helped to keep DD1's creche routine & structure, though I collected her earlier then when I had been working.

After our move we have had DD1 at nursery for 15 hours a week and that has worked well for everyone. We have mon & fri the three of us at home, which is great, and the afternoons on tue,wed,thu. Both girls have benefitted from being together and are very close, play and share well and dearly love eachother . But having some time apart has allowed them to do things at their own level, whether it be loud outdoor play, sleeping undisturbed, reading age-appropriate books or whatever.

That was just what worked for us. You will find what suits you.

Thank you ANotherName and Meglet. Good points and i haven't thought about the hot meal.

The chaos caused by two DCs is trying to get both ready to go out and both (bathed if you must, totally pointless unless they are dirty) and bed. And getting dome sleep!!

Nursery is no help here at all