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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

More AIBPFB?

63 replies

Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:05

DS is 9 weeks old and is now refusing to sleep unless he's being held or is in bed with DH and me. He wont sleep in his cot, his bouncer, the car seat, his pram etc.

Which of course means he is overtired by the end of the day.

Now everyone is telling me that I'm just going to have to leave him to cry it out as I can't reasonably hold him all day long, but I get so upset hearing him cry that I really want to just hold him and soothe him.

Some of you may have seen my thread yesterday where DH went out for the day and I spent the entire day sat in one place with DS in my lap. I didn't eat until DH got home at 10pm as DS wouldn't stay quiet long enough for me to make food.

I'm being PFB aren't I?

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 29/05/2012 00:08

Yep.

For the sake of your sanity you're going to have to bite the bullet and leave him some of the time. I know it's too hot at the moment but when it cools down a bit I would highly recommend swaddling which worked a treat for ds2, to the extent that he was sleeping through from 9 weeks.

bejeezus · 29/05/2012 00:12

I dont think you have to leave him to cry-9 weeks old is really wee. Have you tried putting him in a sling so you can get stuff done?

swimming was guaranteed to get mine off to sleep-swim, big tummy full of milk and walk back in the pushchair

Also-cranial osteopathy/chiropractor helped mine to sleep

(dd1 was AWFUL AWFUL at sleeping)

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:14

Unfortunately the sling gets him way too hot, he's quite little and the sling encompasses his whole body so he overheats. :( So we've been using it a bit, but trying not to have him in it for too long

OP posts:
whackamole · 29/05/2012 00:15

Is he very windy or something? Sounds strange that such a little tiny thing would be sleep refusing! (Or maybe I was just lucky?)

I'd get a swingy chair (if you haven't already) and a sling. I have the Kari-Me which is brilliant, although would be hot to use at the moment.

Oh, actually, is he getting very hot? If he's very uncomfortable because of the heat I guess that might stop him sleeping.

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:17

That's a fair point about the heat, it is a recent development actually now I think about it. He was sleeping fine not long ago, actually it's been since his jabs that he's been like this. Whether it's the jabs or the heat though I don't know?

OP posts:
bejeezus · 29/05/2012 00:19

i wouldnt worry about getting stuff done then;

you need some food prepared in portions to stick in the microwave so you can eat and lots of snacks. Forget housework etc etc and enjoy cuddling him

you dont need to sit in one place though, or stay in doors

bejeezus · 29/05/2012 00:19

give him calpol, if it is since his jabs

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:21

We tried calpol earlier and he still wouldn't sleep unless we held him Confused

OP posts:
bejeezus · 29/05/2012 00:27

9 weeks is really little to be 'in a routine' or self-settling IMO

but...are you out of your mind with comforting him?

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:28

It is getting difficult, even with Dh and me taking turns. :( And his crying is just cutting right through me now

OP posts:
scuzy · 29/05/2012 00:29

have you a temp gauge in his room how warm is it? might explain it.

PenelopePipPop · 29/05/2012 00:29

Some of these tiny ones are sleep refusers Whackamole. Empusa I completely feel your pain. DD was just like your DS. She sleeps beautifully now. And is generally awesome, the two things probably are not causally linked but it helps a bit!

It is not not not PFB to want to comfort your crying 9 week old. That is just being a normal loving parent. Unfortunately the newborn bit can be really sucky.

If you are using a stretchy sling there may be positions that keep your DS a little cooler. DD was much comfier in the upright position in the Moby from birth rather than in the curled up position they suggest. So long as his head control is good enough this should be OK. If his little legs are hanging out this may cool him down a bit.

The heat is a bugger. I found going upstairs to bed with a huge cotton sheet and draping it round me and DD was a good way to cool off, rest, feed and doze. She was a May baby so we had similar problems.

Baths together are a good way to keep cool and comfortable. Swimming when you are ready to go really is great fun and less scary than it sounds, but not a solution for everyday.

Swaddling in a big muslin suits some babies - though DD was never a fan.

This is (for all it feels interminable) only going to be a very short period in your life. You do not have to worry about training him or teaching him anything. So if you find something that works do it and do not fret about bad habits. He is much too little to learn them.

Oh and if he is grumpy and needs to be put down for a bit whilst you go to the loo or grab a shower he won't break either. You are important too and you have to take care of yourself too.

scuzy · 29/05/2012 00:31

oh and your not being pfb. congrats! still so young it wont last just do whatever you can however you can and dont be trying to get a routine at this stage.

Hebiegebies · 29/05/2012 00:35

Accept any offers of help anyone as ever offered

Get a comfy chair with a stack of books, plenty of drinks and snacks handy and relax with wonderful pfb in your arms (and they are precious, first born or not)

Let others clean cook and tidy for as long as you can

Another vote for cranial osteo. Was a life saver for me and DS

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:42

We've got one of these and he refuses to stick his arms out preferring to scratch my chest instead

OP posts:
PenelopePipPop · 29/05/2012 00:42

DH has just pottered downstairs for a glass of water and reminded me of:

Running up and down the stairs with her in our arms whilst humming tunelessly
Playing Massive Attack to her
Bouncing on that sodding birthing ball all flipping night long (on the positive side I did my pelvic floor muscle exercises at the same time and could pretty much shoot ping pong balls out of my vagina now)
DH going for (very) early morning runs with her in the pushchair whilst I got some sleep
The night I came in to the bedroom to find him simultaneously patting, shushing and snoring. He still claims he was not actually asleep.
The two horrific and inexplicable nights when she turned nocturnal at 8 weeks and we had to sit up in shifts with her in the sling to keep her calm whilst the other slept.

God it was horrible. It stopped. That is the only good thing I can say about that period in my life. Although she carried on waking, at some point between 3-4m she sorted out the being put down to sleep between night time feeds business so we could get back to sleep in between. And she happily napped in her pushchair from about then too. The sling kicked in first.

PenelopePipPop · 29/05/2012 00:46

Sod the Baby Bjorn. Get online and order a Moby or Kari-Me stretchy wrap. Or since he is already 9 weeks you might want to go straight for a Mei-Tai semi-structured sling. We had a Connecta. Still using it 2 years on. £60 but well worth it for us. There will be people on the sling boards on here able to give you more up-to-date advice.

Structured carriers like the Baby Bjorns just aren't that comfy for little babies. You say your son is small and I'd guess that is where the problem lies.

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:49

That's interesting! I'll have to look into those, thankyou! He's only 8lb 12 now, he was 5lb 7 at birth, so maybe a better sling would help.

Good to know that it stops! We were feeling quite lucky as, apart from a few hours of colic every night, he hasn't been too bad. He'd been quite a content baby most of the time.

OP posts:
IvanaNap · 29/05/2012 00:54

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This has been withdrawn as this poster has privacy concerns.

Whatnamethistime · 29/05/2012 00:57

Im about to have DC4, and I dont feed myself etc when I have a newborn!!! I hate leaving them cry.

Original poster
Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:59

Glad it's not just me Whatnamethistime!

Ivana Nope, it's held by mum or dad, or scream blue murder at the moment!

OP posts:
Whatnamethistime · 29/05/2012 01:02

DH takes over family while I babymoon.

Morloth · 29/05/2012 01:08

Forget about getting stuff done like housework and stuff.

He will just have to cry while you do stuff you have to though. Like go to the loo, have a shower, get something to eat.

Its OK to let him have a whinge while you attend to stuff like that.

I am the worlds biggest pushover with my babies, never did cry it out, BF on demand, snuggle snuggle snuggle.

But sometimes they just have to suck it up.

jaggythistle · 29/05/2012 01:14

DH is Hmm at me too for not eating! DS2 is only 6 weeks and I'm still rubbish even with DH as a SAHD.

i got an less expensive stretchy wrap from Victoria sling lady (Google and it should come up) to try and we are getting on ok so far. he's settled really well in it most times I've tried it. he does push on my chest and fight it if he's worked up, but when i walk or sway for a bit he's quite happy.

he was ok at sleeping for the first few weeks, but needs a bit more soothing now he's more alert it seems.

good luck getting a rest!

IvanaNap · 29/05/2012 01:14

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