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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

More AIBPFB?

63 replies

Empusa · 29/05/2012 00:05

DS is 9 weeks old and is now refusing to sleep unless he's being held or is in bed with DH and me. He wont sleep in his cot, his bouncer, the car seat, his pram etc.

Which of course means he is overtired by the end of the day.

Now everyone is telling me that I'm just going to have to leave him to cry it out as I can't reasonably hold him all day long, but I get so upset hearing him cry that I really want to just hold him and soothe him.

Some of you may have seen my thread yesterday where DH went out for the day and I spent the entire day sat in one place with DS in my lap. I didn't eat until DH got home at 10pm as DS wouldn't stay quiet long enough for me to make food.

I'm being PFB aren't I?

OP posts:

picobama · 29/05/2012 01:33

I agree with what's been said - hold him whenever you can but don't neglect yourself completely. He will have to cry for 5 minutes now and again so you can get some food! Look at it like this - if you had a toddler as well the baby would often have to wait a few minutes as you can't neglect another child just because the baby wants to be held.

What happens if you go for a walk? My DD1 was very demanding and screamy and I was walking 2-3 hours a day with the pram when she was tiny! I walked quite fast and she would fall asleep (or the crying didn't sound so loud) and it was great for my health/sanity too. I would have gone crazy sitting in the house all day. I do remember friends saying things like "oh he/she hates being in the pram" but for me that just wasn't an option and they were getting used to it one way or another!

totallypearshaped · 29/05/2012 01:34

Poor you - sounds like you have cabin fever - how about going out for a walk in the pram? Don't worry about over heating in a sling - they use them in africa don't they? I wore my babe for a year: she was born during a very hot summer. I had her in her vest for months: no clothes - we went out every day and walked in the shady park.

I had a super sensitive babe who woke to a pin dropping and at night we had to use black out blinds, with the washing machine going, we'd put on the hoover and we had a fan in order to drown out all the back ground noises.

Why not snuggle up with her on the bed when you are alone? that way you are at least lying down. Tummy time described by IvanaNap is good for releasing burps, and changing the scene.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, and, you will get thorough this, are some of my favourite mantras. Chin up, too.

It is tough. I feel for you. If you feel something else is wrong, take your babe to the GP.

totallypearshaped · 29/05/2012 01:35

him sorry!

Name7 · 29/05/2012 06:46

Try white noise. A fan would be perfect just now! That was the only thing that worked for dd2 and we tried everything . She even had it on in the winter facing the wall. What you do have to remember though is that "This too shall pass" good luck!

CadleCrap · 29/05/2012 06:55

YADBPFB

I didn't eat until DH got home at 10pm as DS wouldn't stay quiet long enough for me to make food

It is possible to do things with one hand. Eg make a simple sandwich (might not look brilliant but it will be something). Shove something in microwave etc.

When you have a cligy/teething toddler you will be able to make a 3 course meal with a baby on your hip.

Offred · 29/05/2012 06:59

Get a sling.

Offred · 29/05/2012 07:01

Research shows mother's skin regulates body temp of babe when skin is together.

ohbugrit · 29/05/2012 07:05

I hate this sneering PFB thing when it's directed at parents who are just trying to be responsive and instinctual. A 9week old baby needs to be held. I've been there OP - a friend used to come round in her lunch hour and make me a sandwich! Don't be hard yourself. Get your DH to make you a packed lunch :)

Herrena · 29/05/2012 07:09

I think you're being a little bit PFB. Sorry.

It's not the end of the world if he cries for five minutes while you go to the loo/put your clothes on/make some toast. I know it feels distressing (for you and him) but inevitably there will be occasions where you physically CAN'T pick him up for a few minutes (what if you caught a bug and were puking everywhere? What if you had a kitchen accident?).

A little bit of practice now might help him to stay calm for longer at those times. You're not being mean to him, you're helping him to learn that he can cope for a few minutes without you and that you DO come back.

In the meantime, I used to make sure that DH only left for work once I'd had breakfast, a wash/shower, got dressed and prepared a sandwich for lunchtime

essexgirl31 · 29/05/2012 07:20

This sound like my DS1. It was so hard and I felt so suffocated not being able to put him down. I went with it (after trying everything to settle him) and worked out how to the best of it. I got through a whole lot of DVD box sets! My DH would make me lunch and leave it for me. I soon learnt how to do things one handed.

At the time I didn't believe it when people said it would end but it did and he became a brilliant sleeper.

DS2 was the opposite - only slept if in his cot/pram. I did nothing different with either of them. With DS2 I didn't understand why he wouldn't sleep on me. It took a while to work out he wanted to be on his own.

Wrigglebum · 29/05/2012 07:40

I love the Close sling- nice soft cotton. DS (4 weeks old) is very happy in there in a romper suit, not too hot. Bless him, he can't stay awake when he's in it and I'm walking around (or running after ds1). Take a stroll to the shop with your DS to buy bread, pre-sliced cheese, salami and some apples and you have an easy lunch you can make and eat one handed . Convenience food is your friend.

Work out some easy evening meals that you could make with him in the sling and do an Internet supermarket shop for delivery when your DH is home. Have your shower while DH is at home so at least you feel fresh each day.

Agree with others though that putting them down for a couple of minutes won't kill them if you really have to get something done. DS will stare at the mobile in his crib or the toys on his play gym happily for a few minutes so do you have anything like that? Singing, music or white noise can help too (kitchen extractor fan whilst you cook worked a treat for ds1). I've found with mine that the more they are cuddled or held in the sling, the better they seem to cope with being put in the bouncy chair when there's something I need to do.

Also, they're only tiny and snuggly for such a short time, enjoy holding him and ignore any 'rod for your own back' comments. DS is most likely my last (only ever wanted two) so I'm holding him as much as I like as I enjoy it too.

CharltonHairstyle · 29/05/2012 07:43

My DD was the same - it was about 3 months before she would sleep in her moses basket for a few snatches if sleep on an evening.

She is 11mo now and she still sleeps in my arms for her naps. I love it - and the days i am at work DP does the same.

She sleeps wonderfully through the night now.

redwhiteandblueeyedsusan · 29/05/2012 07:51

one night dd "slept" in the car seat (back firmly supported) as this was the only thing that kept her comfrotable and I lay in bed rocking her and sllepiong on and off between bouts of crying, not a long term solution but I was desperate by that stage.

oh and she is now a fantastic sleeper...

SoupDragon · 29/05/2012 07:55

I agree - get another sling :) You can get fine fabric ones which should be cooler. DD spent a lot of time in a pouch sling (Coorie) - I renamed it the Magic Sling of Sleep. I even made pancakes with her in it!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 29/05/2012 07:56

YANBPFB

DS2 was like this, the difference was that I had to put him down because I needed to do things for DS1.

You need to eat. I used to have the buggy in the kitchen and put him in that for a few minutes while I sorted some food for me and DS1 - you can do a few pushes between each small task!

nancerama · 29/05/2012 08:19

This takes me back. DS went for a dreadful few weeks between 8 and 12 weeks or so. It WILL get better, and like me, you'll probably forget all about it in a few months time, until a post like yours reminds you how helpless you feel when confronted with a crying clingy little one.

At this age they get a lot more alert and their hearing and eyesight improve. This makes it harder for them to switch off and they get overloaded and frustrated. What worked for me was never letting DS stay awake for more than 2 hours at a time. Once he had been awake for 90 minutes I would start soothing him for a nap.

I remember when DS was so tired and frustrated and screaming. The noise went right through me and I was convinced the whole town could hear him. Now I'm past that phase and I hear little babies crying they seem to make hardly any sound at all - when it's your baby everything seems so much worse.

You're doing great. Do what feels right for you. In a couple of weeks you will have cracked this and baby will set you a new challenge.

DrowninginDuplo · 29/05/2012 08:31

Lord this takes me back. . Buy a wrap sling Kari me or moby are excellent and get on with the day. Some young babies just don't sleep unless they're with you. They. Just. Don't.

Tried controlled crying with ds1 because dm and hv made me he'd scream for half and hour pass out wake up twenty minutes later then scream some more. Pointless.

Remember the mumsnet mantra - this too will pass. Ds1 And 2 now sleep in their own beds all night long and rarely wrapped round my neck despite being the most Velcro of babies.

You are doing great!

DowagersHump · 29/05/2012 08:40

Agree with getting a stretchy sling. And he is too young to 'learn' that you will be back. So all leaving him to cry achieves is that you're both unhappy.

Mishy1234 · 29/05/2012 08:44

YANBU at all. 9 weeks is still extremely young and he's crying for a reason! He feels insecure and wants to be close to you. Please don't stress him out by leaving him to cry. You feel edgy when you hear him crying because that's natural. It's nature's way of telling you to hold him and give him what he needs.

Get a stretchy sling, take it in turns to hold him in the evening. You sound like you're doing brilliantly.

BigBoPeep · 29/05/2012 09:23

second vote for a close/caboo sling here! mine is 8wks and only just beginning to take little naps by herself, the entire rest of the time she has to be held/in bed with me/slinged or she screams endlessly. there's no way i will do cc or cry it out etc, up until 3wks i realised i hadnt been peeing all day for attending to her needs, but she does just have to suck it up sometimes for me to do things without her - quick shower etc.

CMP69 · 29/05/2012 09:28

Bless! He is 9 weeks old, all they want is a clean bum, plenty of milk and loads of cuddles, but it is a bit earth shattering in the first few weeks, it feels like it lasts forever but it does get better.
I too am a bit of a pushover but was quite the other day when a colleague told me her 6 month old was "being naughty" as he cried for 2 hours before he went to sleep a few days ago!!!!!!!

lottiegb · 29/05/2012 09:35

We're finding the sling is great, crosswise sort not upright, she sleeps in the pushchair and car, white noise eg hair dryer calms her, fan would be good and walk, walk, walk and bounce. Sitting and bouncing is not the same!

BubandMiniBub · 29/05/2012 09:36

I had one of those too! Except she was like that from the day she was born. DH and I used to do shifts holding her at night and thank god it was summer as DH then took her out for walks at 5am before work so I could get some sleep!

Two things helped - hope that it gets better (it does) and reading baby whisperer. I have read every baby sleep book going but wish I had read this one when DD was younger.

One thing to rule out though is reflux - DD had it from 5 wo caused by multiple food intolerances through my breastmilk - dairy and soya were the worst culprits. Saying that, she still isn't a great sleeper at 1yo but it's generally due to teething now.

One day after co sleeping for months, she just decided she was fine in her cot and went in without any fuss. Ditto sleeping through, she went from 6 wake ups a night to sleeping through the next night.

And she hated slings but loved her Bjorn.

On the plus side, she went from being a very clingy baby to a very confident and independent toddler and started nursery without any problems.

Oh but I still hold her for naps now although I am determined when this bout of teething finishes, she is going into her cot..

BubandMiniBub · 29/05/2012 09:37

Oh and whoever said about swimming tiring them out - DD works the opposite, it overstimulates her then she doesn't sleep, then she's overtired, then she doesn't sleep, then she's overtired....

lottiegb · 29/05/2012 09:42

Also music, Mozart is a bit magical. Our musical cot mobile entrances her, for a while. I sing and rock her to sleep, then sing to her in her cot if not yet asleep.

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