To buy DD aged 11, hair removing cream for her legs?

[MeDented]

DD has been complaining for ages about how hairy she is. To be fair her legs and arms are both quite hairy and doesn't help when big brother teases that she is hairier than him! She has also started getting dark hair in armpits. Nice weather means she wanted to wear a vest top but was worrying about armpits so I picked her up a sachet of hair removing cream while we were oh shopping for picnic supplies. She then decided she would use it on her legs as that bothers her more. Out for tea with my mum and dad tonight and DD mentions she had used cream on her legs and mum was very disapproving... Is this so wrong? I know she's young but she genuinely seems concerned and I didn't see much harm. Would worry about her using razors so young but thought the creams would be ok.

This has been one of the nicest, most useful and pragmatic threads I've ever been on.

My dd developed very early. Periods at 10 and we started veeting her arm pits the summer of Y6. What else would one do but remove the hair? We have had no probs with Veet. She lies on our bed puts her arms up and we giggle about the tickling. Helping them grow up - nothing more than that and needs must. Fortunately she's fair and the leg hairs don't show up much.

I have psoriasis too and use a Ladyshave with no problems.

My daughter is 11 and has hairy legs, also facial hair. As she has dark hair and feels self conscious because other children have commented, I helped her shave her legs with a Ladyshave and to pluck a few eyebrow hairs away and use cream on her upper lip. It's earlier than I expected but I can't bear her to be unhappy. I too was teased about this and very unhappy.

thebody: "Hackmum, totally up to you what you do with your dd.

Personally I try to understand and empathise with my kids as just want then to be happy"

Ooh, nice one. Obviously I am a really nasty mother who doesn't empathise with my daughter because I have the strange belief that she is beautiful as she is and want her to realise it too, rather than being a victim of the media-created belief that there is something wrong with her appearance that makes so many women insecure and unhappy. Silly old me, eh?

Can I ask a possibly stupid question?
Does the ladyshave have heads that need changing? And do you use shave gel with it?
I've only used disposable razors before but thinking of investing

DD is 12 and very hairy, like I was at that age. I've shaved her armpits a few times, and have just found out she's been trying it herself! At least she's cleaned my razor afterwards. Oddly, her legs are nowhere near as hairy, and I don't think she needs to do them yet. But at least she's comfortable talking to me about it.

No the lady shave is like a bloke's shaver - they are very good ime.

I cut myself horribly with a razor when I was 11 or 12 and trying to shave my legs :(

I remember teaching my little sister how to shave her armpits too, ah good times.

I was the girl who in third year at school was spending the entire summer in thick black tights because my mother wouldn't let me shave or veet.

I've been taking dd1 for waxes since she was 9 because of it. I wouldn't want to give her a razor and have her hack herself to bits, or god forbid dd2 get her hands on it as they share a bathroom, nor would I want her veeting all the time.

Waxing is long lasting and over time reduces hair growth. It hurts a little but I have a good person who does it and she trusts and it's all over so quickly.

Honestly, I don't understand why my mother made me suffer like that when she could have stopped it for me so easily and I don't ever want my daughters going through it,

rhonda I was teased very badly at school as I wasn't given deodorant by my mum. I went out and bought some with my pocket money and the teasing stopped straight away. I was about 10/11 at the time, the same age as ds is and he has been using deodorant as he really stinks some days if he doesn't. I have no idea why mum didn't just buy me some and tell me to use it! It's shit enough growing up, if you can make things easier why wouldn't you? Makes me quite

My mum also refused to let me shave so I did it in secret, along with using tampons- I was only allowed towels which I hated. I would have loved to have a mum like you.

Oh yes shaving - I did it while babysitting a neighbour's kids. Dry used razor =huge razor burns!

hackmum - I get where you are coming from. There was a girl on my gymnastics team whose mum wouldn't let her shave; she was very slim and blonde and always tanned, and to my mind her delicate blonde leg hairs looked really nice, natural and girlish.

But I was not allowed to groom myself in many ways that most people would consider normal when I was a child. I wasn't allowed to wear a swimsuit with a top on until I had breasts - I wasn't allowed anything other than a bowl cut till mid-primary school - I wasn't allowed to shave or pierce my ears or anything.

My dad in particular really fetishized the 'natural' look (not suggesting you are!).

As a result I felt dreadfully uncomfortable in my own body for years and, if I'm honest, still do. I always feel I am less put together than other women and a bit oafish/ unattractive/ icky somehow.

I understand that that is cultural indoctrination. But it doesn't make it any less real as a feeling. Although not directly connected, it is part of what led to my eating disorder as a student, which was very much about controlling and disciplining my body into an 'ideal' image.

I think letting a girl experiment with 'fitting in' and seeing what that is like may give her the courage to experiment with doing her own thing later. But preventing her from following her instincts may just make her feel like a pariah.

valium - yes, was also not allowed anti-perspirant. I don't use it now, but at least now it is a choice.

Hackmum, I think you are right to think your DD is beautiful just the way she is, and also right to blame the media for the intense focus on appearance that keeps girls unhappy, but I think the desire to conform cannot be dismissed as something intrusive that never existed before the world of advertisement, etc engulfed us. I think it is innate in girls around that age and so is creating a little distance between yourself and your mother, depending less on what your mother thinks of you and spreading your reference point to your peers and the wider society. Going with the flow a little can acknowledge and honour that.

Left to their own devices, my eyebrows would be Dennis Healey-esque. I realised that from about age 12, so tweezed them and trimmed them (nothing drastic) and obv did such a decent job that my mum once remarked when I was 16ish and mentioned I was going to need to pay them some attention that evening 'oh no, you have beautiful eyebrows - you should never touch them' -- while I appreciated the spirit of the compliment, I found it really funny at the same time.. My experience of my mum during my teen years was actually that she was pretty useless at worst and not much of an effective support to me at best when dealing with fashion or acne or other teenage concerns. It was remarks along the lines of 'you're beautiful the way you are' that, while meant well (I could feel the love) - and perfectly correct in retrospect, just failed to address what I really needed from her during those years. She had spent her teen years in a convent boarding school in the Irish countryside during WW2 so conformity for her meant something negative in many ways, and on top of that, by some quirk of genetics she had never had any issues with spots or body hair. I inherited the skin and hair of my aunts (or more likely my uncles, looking at my eyebrows..) on my dad's side. I remember being frustrated that she wasn't doing a good enough job of putting herself in my shoes.

Everyone should have the choice, but it was taken away from me. I wasn't allowed to wear make up to cover it up or seek medical help for my horrible acne. I felt so self conscious of my horrible skin that I took matters into my own hands and scarred my face in the process. Quinoderm keeps it in control now- and I'm in my 30's so I wasn't imagining it!

Now I will shave my legs to wear a skirt, shave my armpits for niceness and hygiene and my bikini line when I can be arsed/going swimming! The memory of my mum whipping down my skirt to check if I had done my bikini line when I was 15 still makes me feel and .

I've just startled the dog by laughing out loud at thebody's bacon bits

Oh God elk that's really awful, you poor love.

Strangely my mum has calmed down massively these days. I think she was going through a lot of anxiety and depression at the time. I moved out when I was 19 and spent the next 7 years avoiding her. When I met my DH, settled down and had some therapy I was able to deal with her much better. I just don't talk about it now. Now I have a DS I'm determined to be open and relaxed about all of that stuff.

MIne too Elk she is like a totally different person these days. NOt sure if that makes it easier for me or harder tbh.