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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To buy DD aged 11, hair removing cream for her legs?

95 replies

MeDented · 26/05/2012 22:37

DD has been complaining for ages about how hairy she is. To be fair her legs and arms are both quite hairy and doesn't help when big brother teases that she is hairier than him! She has also started getting dark hair in armpits. Nice weather means she wanted to wear a vest top but was worrying about armpits so I picked her up a sachet of hair removing cream while we were oh shopping for picnic supplies. She then decided she would use it on her legs as that bothers her more. Out for tea with my mum and dad tonight and DD mentions she had used cream on her legs and mum was very disapproving... Is this so wrong? I know she's young but she genuinely seems concerned and I didn't see much harm. Would worry about her using razors so young but thought the creams would be ok.

OP posts:
Silverfoxxx · 26/05/2012 23:48

I'm 34 and remember using my dads razor to shave my arm pits in secret. Get real. if your daughter is hairy let her shave by cream or razor but with your guiduance, so she doen't get sore - be a good mum

BustersOfDoom · 27/05/2012 00:02

I'm with LST I started shaving my legs and armpits at about 11 and bikini line at about 12. The puberty fairy visited me quite early! Oh how I loved communal showers after games/PE - not!!

It didn't even occur to me to ask permission. I just used to use my Dad's razor when I was in the bath. He mentioned in passing that it was getting blunt very quickly, my DM must have twigged and she bought me my very own ladies razor. I was soooooo happy!

I really don't get all this character building, it's natural stuff. Ten and eleven is far too early to be fighting the cause for women to be natural and proud when all they want to do is fit in and not be laughed at.

Maybe consider getting her an epilator. I was a bit scared of them til I got one. It's waterproof and I use it in the bath with shower gel as a lubricator. It's a bit 'nippy' but not painful and epilating will mean that most hairs will eventually stop growing back and the ones that do will come through much finer. It lasts for weeks and there's no stubble. I use it on my legs, pits -that does take a bit more getting used to but worth it for how long it lasts! - and bikini line.

bringmesunshine2009 · 27/05/2012 00:08

Busters, if you have ever had a baby did you have pain relief? Your post has brought tears to my eyes!

HandMadeTail · 27/05/2012 00:10

If she wants to defuzz, then she is ready.

DD2 was only 10 when she started getting underarm hair. I bought both my girls Venus spa razors which have a shaving gel block attached to them. They can use them for whatever they see fit. It's up to them.

BustersOfDoom · 27/05/2012 00:13

Haha yes - more pethidine than was good for me! I'm a complete wuss really!

The key thing is with epilating is to pull the skin as tight as you can and do it quickly. Seriously I'd never go back to shaving, razor rash and stubble.

mathanxiety · 27/05/2012 00:18

Agree with everyone who says let her do it. And I also agree that she should leave her arms alone unless she has really dark, thick hair.

sc2987 · 27/05/2012 00:20

I think it would be better if you helped her to be happy with the way she looks without having to change things. And set an example yourself.

But there was a very similar thread recently where I was the lone voice against, based on women being objectified and infantilised.

I did experience this when I was 11 ("Urgh, get your hairy legs away from me") but I wish I'd had a more educated mother who didn't shave and who explained to me why I shouldn't feel obliged to. Now I know more, I made a different decision.

mathanxiety · 27/05/2012 00:20

And tell the brother to lay off (and say it like you really mean it).

thatisall · 27/05/2012 01:16

YANBU and I think you are a really good and understanding Mum. I have used the hair removal pads...they're a bit like sandpaper lol, but they seem to work and you wouldn't have to worry about blades etc.

Laquitar · 27/05/2012 01:42

Won't the razor make the hair thicker? I thought cream is better.

I was very hairy at that age too and one day i bought the hair removing cream, used it, and straight after i sprayed some perfume on my armpits (idiot!). I still remember the pain.

I agree it is better that you guide her and support her.

blackcurrants · 27/05/2012 02:04

Help her. My DM told me I didn't need to worry about it, I was worried about it and therefore 'borrowed' her (old, blunt) razor, and nicked my pits quite badly, causing scarring/ingrowing hairs that plagued me for years.

Help her. And definitely, definitely squash that brother for teasing - it's not on to tease girls about their pubescent bodies, and now's a great time for him to learn about respecting young women!

Original poster
MeDented · 27/05/2012 13:36

Lol I should point out the brother in question is 22 and it is very gentle, retaliation teasing when DD starts it by teasing him because he still doesn't need to shave yet, oh and would you please hurry up and get a girlfriend! She honestly isn't upset by him, she'll say herself my legs are hairier then Db more often than him saying it, in fact I think she started the comparison.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 27/05/2012 13:40

Another one allergic to the creams here.

LynetteScavo · 27/05/2012 13:45

If she really doesn't like her hairy arms, then bleaching them would be the way to go (Boots own is quite gentle).

I think creams long term could be a pain. I think if you start young with an epilator, the hairs will get weaker over time.

LineRunner · 27/05/2012 13:45

I remember the horror of dark hair growth and my mother being utterly silent on the issue - and me spending my pocket money on Immac for my arms and wearing very long socks

Consequently I have always thought it is fine for my DD to use disposable razors, Nair/Veet (which I buy and leave in the bathroom), and to borrow my ladyshave, whatever. And we talk about it. The image thing, the marketing ploys, and the best way to handle stuff.

StarMeKitten · 27/05/2012 13:47

YANBU

I had quite hairy arms & legs at that age and my mum let me use some hair removing cream.

DerbyNottsLeicsNightNanny · 27/05/2012 13:48

I wish my mum had addressed hair issues, she just never really did so I took it upon myself to use dads razor! I would consider taking her for waxing, although painful its longer lasting & can (for some people) mean less hair grows back the more you have it done

hackmum · 27/05/2012 13:51

This is an interesting one for me. I have never removed my own body hair, as I have never seen the point and I am not terribly hairy anyway.

My DD is 13 and keeps complaining that her legs are "really hairy" (they're not, you can barely see the hairs, which are fine and light in colour) and wants to remove the hair. I have given my opinion (you don't need to remove it) but I suppose it doesn't matter what I say, she will do it anyway. The thing is, because I have never done it, I have no idea what advice to give her - shaving? creams? an epilator? (I don't even know what that is.)

LineRunner · 27/05/2012 13:54

hackmum I'm sure your DD will know a fair bit about it from friends. You could ask her what she'd like to do.

My DD isn't keen on a epilator (it pulls the hairs out rapidly) but I said I'd give one a go and report back!

thebody · 27/05/2012 13:54

Get her a lady shave. Of course it's fine to remove hair, my mum was fine with this when I was 11 and I over 40 now do not sure about a generational thing

You are listening to your dds concerns and acting in them, makes u a great parent.

Also why would anyone want their child bullied or upset over this?? And hairy legs arnt attractive on women anyway.

Ignore your mum and support your dd.

Debeezandbirds · 27/05/2012 13:55

YANBU. Please do it, I'm another who was told "You're too young" by my mother. Seriously, 12 year old with underarm hair on holiday, I wasn't without a t shirt the entire time. My own brother bullied me for it not to mention the other girls who were allowed to use hair removal.

thebody · 27/05/2012 13:56

Hackmum. Exactly, may not be a concern to u personally but you are listening to your daughter and trying to offer her a solution as a great parent.

olibeansmummy · 27/05/2012 14:02

YANBU as someone who also didn't dare to ask about shaving and ended up cut to pieces by stealing my dad's razor!

MarySA · 27/05/2012 14:03

I certainly think she should be allowed to deal with the hair. I don't shave my legs as I always find they itch for days afterwards. It is the most efficient method and would do it if they didn't itch. So I use wax strips at home or else go to a salon. But it does get expensive. I used to use cream but don't now.

hackmum · 27/05/2012 14:04

thebody - I'm not sure it does make me a great parent. Suppose she wanted plastic surgery, should I let her have that too? I think there is definitely a case for saying, You're beautiful as you are (which she is), you don't need to do this. I just know from experience she tends to do what she wants anyway so going along with it is the easier option.