to think having children is not like it is on the telly..

[RedHotPokers]

Spent ages yesterday blowing up paddling pool, filling up to brim, adding water toys, ready to watch my DCs splashing around for hours having fun and jolly japes, just like on the telly .

What actually happened was DD had a tantrum after 30 minutes because it occurred to her that she may be using up her telly time by playing outside and DS got cold after a nanosecond and wanted to come in .

Took the DCs for icecream and to the park today, smugly awaiting their little joyful faces at the sight of the HUGE bowls of ice cream, and the prospect of fun in the sun.

In reality, they whinged the whole way to the park becuase their legs were apparently hurting, DS didn't like the shorts he was wearing, and DD had a huge tantrum because apparently DS's ice cream looked better than hers .

And I could bore you with many more examples, of fun things that should result in happy DCs, but actually ended up in grumpiness, whinging, stropiness and tears and not just from the DCs. Factor a cross DH into this, who apparently is 'fed up with how ungrateful the DCs are', and felt obliged to tell me this at regular intervals throughout the day, as though it was somehow my fault.

Is it just me/our family this happens to and is everyone else having a happy TV family type existance? Just once I would like to have the happy day I imagined

Sorry for coming across as patronising notactually. I know children can be ridiculously frustrating. I suppose my main point is that expecting too much makes it even more frustrating. But I do take your point.

I think that CailinDana has some good points-particularly her first post back at the start.

I think that you are onto a loser if you watch TV or see adverts etc and want the same. I once had someone compliment me on my DSs and it did look idyllic as we were all in a cafe having a very civilized meal and conversation -they didn't see DS3 fling himself on the floor on the way out when something upset him!
I sit in my garden and the people behind have small DCs and a trampoline, it can sound wonderful as they all chat, take turns and have great fun-2 seconds later there can be angry tears and yells of 'I'll tell mummy....'
It is life.
I remember DS1 spoiling a lovely picnic at the seaside because he didn't want sand near his sandwich-DS2 crying in frustration because he couldn't skim stones...........I could go on and on.

Don't have any expectations and then you will be pleasantly surprised when it goes well!

Never expect them to be grateful-if forced into it they will just be resentful. When they do thank you it is a nice surprise and at least you know it is genuine.

Thanks cailan

I find the really nice times occur when things are low key - reading To the girls in a tent after a long day on the beach and everyone is tired from arguing, crying, fall over, dropping ice cream healthy outdoors and are now warm and comfortable.

Teens are very difficult to please though - I remember my mum and sad taking my sister to Venice when 15 and she refused to leave the hotel room!

Also you can ask them what they want to do- but sometimes you want to do something and there's nothing wrong with them learning that sometimes their needs don't come first - 5 and above I think they can understand that.

I agree with morethan.

Dana your posts are food for thought. It's made me look at my attitude from a different perspective. It makes perfect sense.

It is all in the expectation. When my DS was about 3 yrs he would get excited about a friend coming around and would plan they would do a, b and c-and then get upset when the friend didn't want to do it. I told him that he had to be more open minded-go with the flow. He had a much nicer time. Same with adults-don't have great expectations-if it works well it is then a lovely bonus!

So . Glad . I . Am . Not . The . Only . One !!!!

DD's default mode is whinge, mine is shrieking old fishwife.
It's fun in the Superstar household

I think remembering the good stuff from the day too, and anticipating the inevitable whinges helps.

Yesterday, the ILs were over to visit me and DCs (DH at work all day). Nice trip to country park for a few hours, play on swings, lovely picnic, hide and seek, potter around making dens in trees etc.

Then (of course) the whingey 15min walk to the car, dramatically hauling all their suddenly heavy rucsacks and the abject despair at the length of the queue for the ice cream van...and the bored kicking in the dirt, then the 'accidental' kick of DC, then the hysteria.... to be fair, by that point they are all hot, tired and fed up aren't we all by then?

Maybe I am just getting old but it seems to get easier to take the rough with the smooth (sometimes)