by *not* addressing thus issue with the parents nvolved?

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I'll keep it brief as on my -notsofarking-- smart phone.
A few weeks ago my DD3 went to a birthday party at a school friends house. It was a cinema and pizza party. We were to drop them off and pick them up 5 hours later. The family are lovely and I knew she (and the ithers) would have a great time.

There were about 15 DC in total going - school friends and cousins.

A few days after the event I found out from a friend that the DC had being transported to the cinema in quite an unsafe manner.

8 DC in a Galaxy. Ffs.

DF and I discussed this and decided not to address the issue with the mom (driver of this car) but just ensure that out DDs could never be put in this situation again.

This morning one of the parents of another invitee (went in a different car) came over to me and tried to persuade me to "have a go" at the mom.

AIBU to let it lie and use the experience to firm strategies for the future rather than being confrontational?

"I live in hope that one day Chaos comes on mumsnet and posts "i'm only going to say this once...""

Ah, now I picture Chaos as looking like Michelle from Allo Allo

I live in a small town & wouldn't be worth long-term fallout if a confrontation turned unpleasant. I would be calmly honest with them in future if they asked why I was unwilling for them to give my DC a lift again.

I'm with SCOTCH - I'd speak to the Mum, even if it happened a few weeks ago.

How would you feel if you said nothing, the Mum transported other children in a similar manner, and there was an accident? Saying something may not change their behaviour, but at least you'd have tried.

I hate confrontation so I would probably leave it but it would wisen me up for future instances where my kids would be going in someone else's car. I would always check and make a point of asking if they needed me send my DC with their booster seat.

I do feel that the parents were extremely reckless though, you never know when something is going to go wrong and cramming that many kids into a car is a recipe for disaster. I am anal about carseats and find it infuriating that some people are so lax, namely my parents and in-laws but that's another post!

SCOTCH.

I totally agree with you about the 2 in a seat belt, but these were 2 eight year old put in an awkward position by a person of authirity. I think they did well in their own minds to try and sort out some sort of damage limitation.

Obviously I have spoken to her about it and further sealt belt issues.

The other mom knew I knew was actively suggesting that I was lax because I hadn't said anything and if it had been her child she'd have given her "what for".

Chaos But would she have?? It's all very well her telling you she would have given her "what for" and making you feel like crap but faced with the same situation would she have actually done that. She sounds like she's all talk to me and likes to cause trouble, she isn't really helping the situation considering it doesn't concern her!

Can't you report all your double posts to MNHQ?

I know some people find it hilarious like your typos but considering how long it's been happening, that or using something else to post with might be the way to go.

Re your OP, I would probably say something and if there was going to be a next time, I definitely would.

No sorry but I wouldn't let this lie. We had a horrible accident in our city exactly 7 years ago where a mother had put 8 or 9 children in the car and boot on her sons birthday party. Her attention got diverted and she veered onto the other side of the dual carriageway killing I think 2 children in her car and one young man driver. Every may one of the boys (who was 13) parents hang a flag with his name on it on the stretch of road he died on. I get shivers down my spine EVERYTIME I drive on that road and there's a lesson to be learnt. Never overcrowd your car.

Rainydays - are you in Oxford too? I used to cycle by that spot every day going to work :(

Chaos, I think it's probably best to let it lie for now but in the future, do not trust this woman to safely transport your DD anywhere, just say you will take her to and from the venue thanks, because last time she got lucky but next time might not be so good. And point out the illegality and potentially fatal danger of what she did then should she question it - might prevent her from taking the same imbecilic risk that she did this time.