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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

by *not* addressing thus issue with the parents nvolved?

89 replies

ChaosTrulyReigns · 25/05/2012 10:16

I'll keep it brief as on my -notsofarking-- smart phone.
A few weeks ago my DD3 went to a birthday party at a school friends house. It was a cinema and pizza party. We were to drop them off and pick them up 5 hours later. The family are lovely and I knew she (and the ithers) would have a great time.

There were about 15 DC in total going - school friends and cousins.

A few days after the event I found out from a friend that the DC had being transported to the cinema in quite an unsafe manner. Angry

8 DC in a Galaxy. Ffs.

DF and I discussed this and decided not to address the issue with the mom (driver of this car) but just ensure that out DDs could never be put in this situation again.

This morning one of the parents of another invitee (went in a different car) came over to me and tried to persuade me to "have a go" at the mom. Hmm

AIBU to let it lie and use the experience to firm strategies for the future rather than being confrontational?

OP posts:
EccentricaGallumbits · 25/05/2012 10:42

I do love your fancyphone chaos. Never change it.

seeingstars · 25/05/2012 10:43
Grin
seeingstars · 25/05/2012 10:44

Sorry got distracted. Erm, tricky one. What a shit stirrer the other parent is.
I would stick with the non-confrontation plan.

WilsonFrickett · 25/05/2012 10:44

Chaos please don't change your phone Grin

I think it's done now, isn't it? No point in 'having a go' - and note the other mum didn't want to have a go all by herself, did she, she wanted you to go and join in.... Leave it, but I would obviously be checking any future travel arrangements very carefully.

GiserableMitt · 25/05/2012 10:45

Chaos, the person who said you were being nasty (or leaning on your keyboard, can't remember who said it, too far back), thought you were having a go at the OP :o

DeWe · 25/05/2012 10:45

Shock at Msponts' sister...

Looking back I'm amazed my dm let us do it. It wasn't even a short journey. She was generally in a panic about anything like that-she would always be the one offering to do the lifts so she could check we were safe, often I wasn't allowed to go as a teenager because she didn't think their car "looked safe". Don't know why that arrangement was thought to be okay by her.

ImBetterThanYou · 25/05/2012 10:46

We heard you the first time chaos :o

I agree with you though, just leave it but ensure they're not in te same situation again. The other parent sounds like a drama queen egging you on like that when her dc weren't even in the car at the time.

Tabliope · 25/05/2012 10:47

I could be wrong but I thought I'd read somewhere that it is the adult in the car's responsibility to make sure anyone under 14 has a seat belt on - in other words you have to specifically tell them. Over 14 they're responsible for it so technically if anything happened and you were transporting someone else's kid then you would or wouldn't be liable depending on age if anything happened and their parents decided to sue you.

I probably wouldn't say anything but things like this really annoy me. Similar things have happened to me and my DS in the past and it's a wake up call that other people's standards, beliefs and practices aren't always in line with your own.

Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 25/05/2012 10:47

Wilson - the other mom's DC was in a car that travelled safely - I think she wanted me to have a go just for the fin of it. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
ChaosTrulyReigns · 25/05/2012 10:49

Sorry wilson- that hmm was at the other mom not yuo.

Obvis.

[smike]

OP posts:
TheUnMember · 25/05/2012 10:49

1970s health and safety :o

My dad used to manage the under 12s football team and used to take them all, including me and the reserves, to matches on a Saturday in his ford cortina estate.

SCOTCHandWRY · 25/05/2012 10:49

Can't believe all those saying "leave it".

Forget for a moment that we (those of us aged late 30's and over) all used to be carted around 10 to a car with no seatbelts...... that was THEN, and thousands more kids were injured, hundreds more died every year because they were not restrained during even quite "slow" crashes. That is why seat belt laws were brought in.

It is now illegal to do what this parent did - there where 2 unrestrained children in the car (assuming that the other 7 people in the car had seat belts on). In an accident, not only were those children at risk of death/injury, but them being flung around the car as it crashed could have killed the children wearing seatbelts.
I would would certainly raise this, it is stupid, dangerous behaviour - and I'd be making sure the parents of the other children were aware of it.

bugster · 25/05/2012 10:50

Agree with most of the other posters, I wouldn't say anything - after all they meant to provide a fun party for the children, it can't have been easy with so many and complaining would sound a bit churlish.

But yes I would make sure transportation arrangements are safe next time. I think I would have asked what the plans were before the event.

It sounds like they invited too many children!

ImBetterThanYou · 25/05/2012 10:50

Just to add to the questionable car journeys, when we were younger (about 14 yrs ago) we were a family of 7 in a tiny 5seater car, 2 adults in the front, 3 kids squished into the back, and the parcel shelf was taken off and sleeping bags put in the boot for the other 2 kids to sit on. We live in Scotland but would drive to england on holiday like that!

my2centsis · 25/05/2012 10:53

Could you please repeat your last post op I only read it the once?

I too love your phone chaos!!

I probably would sat something along the lines of ' dd mentioned you manage to fit 8 people in your car, to be honest I'm not too comfortable with that but dd had a blast so please let me no next time I will be more then happy to help with transport if needed :)

TheUnMember · 25/05/2012 10:53

SCOTCHandWRY, dealing with it at the time would be appropriate. Raising it weeks later because a parent not affected wants you to 'have a go' is a bit weird.

WilsonFrickett · 25/05/2012 10:56

Your posts just keep getting better! Grin
Leave it then, Mum #2 is shit-stirring, or if you do feel strongly what my2cent said.

Noqontrol · 25/05/2012 11:00

Love your phone chaos Grin
I'd probably would have said something at the time, but I guess weeks down the road it's a bit harder. It's pretty irresponsible of them to do that. I'd probably do what my2centis suggested.

TerraNotSoFirma · 25/05/2012 11:18

Chaos' thickphone strikes again. :)

Incaminka · 25/05/2012 11:51

LOL, I missed that!

SCOTCHandWRY · 25/05/2012 12:47

unmember, I agree - I would have said something at the time, and if I'd only become aware of it at a later date, I'd have made sure I brought it up if another outing was being arranged (in a quiet way). I would be diplomatic about it (at least initially!), and offered a lift to some of the kids. Inwardly I would be very Angry about it, as you catch more flies with honey than vinegar Grin

But at 15, I'd be making sure my DD knew that SHE could be fined by the police for not wearing a seatbelt (£80 here in Scotland I think), which might mean more to a teenager than "it's dangerous". The driver could also be prosecuted for having a dangerously laden car (more people in it than seats).

The other mum may not have been shit-stirring - she probably wasn't happy about it at the time, and maybe wanted to be sure you knew that this had happened - maybe the "what if's" have been going round in her head since then.

BTW op. read your further post, I'm gob smacked that 4 teens were in the car with no seat belts, and also that your DD and friend were strapped to one belt - it is VERY inadvisable to do this - in an accident the momentum throws you forward (the car stops, the person doesn't), and 2 people in one belt can result in one person being killed by the impact of the other - this is the risk with the unbelted passengers in the back seat (and why back seatbelts are law too), the back passenger would hit the person in front, killing them. Can you tell I'm a fan of Physics Smile.

Longtalljosie · 25/05/2012 13:21

You'd already made your decision to let it lie. Let the other mum decide for herself what she wants to do.

Softlysoftly · 25/05/2012 13:53

Chaos I'd text or Facebook her, then she'd definitely definitely, definitely get the message Grin

CelstialNavigation · 25/05/2012 14:26

I live in hope that one day Chaos comes on mumsnet and posts "i'm only going to say this once..."

Toughasoldboots · 25/05/2012 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.