hairy legs!

[earpiece]

Being a mixed race/ dual heritage woman, i have non identical twin girls by a white father - however, one is white with some carib features, while the sister is of a darker skin tone and very aware at the age of 9 and a half of her hairy legs and growing moustache! I remember the trauma at primary school of being teased about my hairyness - problem is, do i give in to my daughters demands and pleas to resolve the problem?

Yes! It's not giving in - you said yourself you were teased so why put her through it too?

Yes, buy her some veet and help her use it perhaps? I think nearly 10 isn't too young for a little personal grooming. Best of luck

I would get her some Veet and help her get rid of the body hair; if she's getting conscious of it.

definately but just make sure you do a patch test first

I'd go with shaving myself. Only cos veet stinks and isn't always that great on thick dark hair . At that age she should be able to safely use a razor with supervision? Or am I mad?

Yes help her to deal with it what is to be gained by letting her suffer? Might be worth trying threading for her top lip, it stings but leaves the area very smooth. I had electrolysis when I was 12 for a similar problem it didn't go away completely but made a big difference and now I keep it in check with bleaching (might not work for your daughters skin tone) and threading.

The problem is society's attitude towards hair on women, not the hair on your daughter. If you shave yourself, this is going to contribute to her worrying about it. Our cultural attitude won't change if women continue to do it.

She shouldn't have to feel bad about a physical difference that is innately part of her, but the solution isn't to change her, it's to eliminate the discrimination she faces for it.

I have no advice on how to get rid of this unwanted body hair but look into it, ask advice from a professional or whatever, but don't stop her doing it. If you reassure her that you will love her whatever she looks like, whether she gets rid of this hair or not then you won't be going far wrong.

agree in principle sc9287, but meanwhile OP's dd is being made unhappy and self-conscious. 10 is a little young to be fighting these battles.

You are right - picking up some veet this afternoon. I veet her legs before our summer hols, but now it will be a fortnight thing! tash- i think bleach.

Yes, help her remove the hair if it is becoming a problem.......

SC - yes it is societys attitude that makes it worse but for her the solution would be to remove the hair so that she feels better...10 is a bit young to be taking the problems of society onto her shoulders.

How about threading for the tasche? Lots of mums in my area take their DDs (year 5 and above), to get that done.

Yes, I would let her remove it if she is unhappy about it. I don't think society's attitude is going to change anytime soon. No point in your dd being miserable over something that can quite easily be changed.

If she doesn't feel happy with her appearance now, she isn't going to when she's older either. It's in youth people develop their self-esteem, and effectively being told the way she looks is wrong (by her mother particularly) isn't going to do that development any favours.

Agree with everyone else, get rid of the hair. My 11 DD is really concious of her hairy knees [bemused] she always has been.
I got her a ladyshave from Tesco for a fiver. She is happy.
I totally agree with you in principal sc9287, reality is much harder for a child though. She can battle those battles when she is older.

She knows I love her but I cannot be there at school to protect her from bullying. The boys who tease her undermine her self confidence: she is teased because she is pretty and popular, and the bullies agenda is to find the most obvious point or reference to undermine the individual. So, as a mum, I must take away the frailities and boost my daughter's confidence! Many thanks

But she IS already unhappy with her hairy legs, not because of her mother, but because of other people. It's all very well talking about sociey's attitude changing,but a nine year old girl just wants to fit in with her friends and not be picked on.

Many thanks, overwhelmed by all the replies! thank you. Plan : will veet the legs tonight. DD will be very happy. Cannot alter the neanderthal views of the boys in year 4, but I can make my DD happier in her own skin. Daughters grow up seeing their mothers grooming themselves, such a huge responsibility when they reach pre teen age! I just want, as a child of 5 girls, to be emphatic and there for my girls. Thanks for your helpful advice. I love Mumsnet!

My DS2 was born with a birthmark on his face. We made the decision to get rid of it (as much as possible) before he was old enough to notice people's attitudes to it. He made the decision at 10 to stop treatment and is quite happy as he is. I don't think we made the wrong choice as the birthmark has faded dramatically and is bairly noticable. He never had a problem with us making the choice we did and he always knew that he could stop treatment whenever he wanted to. He knew we loved him whatever he chose.

You sound like a lovely mum.

If you get the sensitive Veet it can be used on facial hair as well, then she'll have no 'tache at all. Trouble with bleach is that it just changes a dark moustache into a blonde one.

YesI agree with the other, veet! I am African and fairly fair but I'm so bloody hairy. I don't get it because none of my siblings are as hairy as me. My sisters and mother never have to depilate. Not fair. My mother introduced me to Veet (or Immac as it was then) when I was about your daughters age.

If she doesn't feel happy with her appearance now, she isn't going to when she's older either. It's in youth people develop their self-esteem, and effectively being told the way she looks is wrong (by her mother particularly) isn't going to do that development any favours.

And with all due respect this above (in my experience) is not necessary true. Less hairy legs meant other pupils stopped calling me 'hairy monkey' and other horrible names, this did my confidence a world of good. At no point did I feel my mother was telling me that the way I looked was wrong. On the contrary my mother made me feel beautiful. I believe her, I am gorgeousness itself and less hirsute. Seriously no problems with self esteem.

I agree with HugeFurry - I remember a girl at school who turned her dark moustache blonde and made sure I used Veet-equivalent on mine ever after! She wasn't picked on for it, to be fair, but it was something I noticed because I was self-conscious about my own.

What about waxing? Good, long lasting results. And dd will realize that following 'beauty' norms comes with some pain!

she is 9 so not a little girl anymore and you said yourself you know how she feels , let her take it off if she is upset by it ,

Because sc2978 she will find a razor and probably cut herself if her Mum isn't supportive.

Even DD1 shaves her legs and she's got the hide of an elephant when it comes to peer pressure.

I'm very hairy and loath shaving, but I can't see society changing. In fact it's got worse the stupid men have joined in.