to think it's bloody rude not to reply when someone introduces themselves?

[Lottapianos]

I have this regularly at work when I go to visit new settings:

Me: 'Hi I'm Lotta, the xxxxxx (my job title)' + eye contact and smile
Them: 'oh' or 'hi' followed by stony silence

Tell me your bloody name FFS! I then end up saying 'and what's your name?' or 'I'm so sorry, I don't know your name' and they mutter it with a 'WTF?' look on their faces. Isn't this fairly basic social skills stuff? Isn't it useful to know the names of people who you meet in a work and/or social capacity? Isn't it polite to say your name when someone tells you theirs???

Sorry for rant! Would be good to hear thoughts

I do agree with you so YANBU.

Certainly if you are at work I would have thought this was obvious stuff and in social circles a politeness and a courtesy.

But then there does seem to be a select group of people who just don't want to communicate with anyone they don't know already

Are you an auditor?

Depends really. Just because you want to share your name doesn't mean everyone else wants to share theirs.

If they work with you then it would be appropriate to introduce themselves.

If they are customers, they might not want to tell you their name, e.g. if a supermarket greeter came up to me and said "Hi, I'm Mandy, I'm here to welcome you today", I would not tell her my name and would instead just say "Hi" while thinking "what do you want from me?".

And if someone I didn't know came up to me in the park for example and said "I'm Sarah", my first reaction would likely be "Hi, do I know you?" and there is no way I would give my name until I'd worked out if they were just friendly/a weirdo/connected to my Dad's stalker...

No Heath and I don't do a job where people would be dismayed to see me. And I really am a friendly smiley person who is keen to make a good impression, I promise!

Just to be clear, I'm talking about people in a work environment. I don't go approaching random people in the park . I'm a SLT and I'm referring specifically to staff in schools and nurseries when I attend meetings or review appointments for children

Think it depends on circumstances. For example when at work if someone came onto ward and said "Hi I am Aleks - I am the infection control nurse" I wouldn't necessarily reply with my name - but might ask how I could help them. However if someone was going to be a close colleague ie "Hi I am Aleks I am a new midwife" I would introduce myself.

It used to be thought that knowing someone's name gives you power over them. That's why we were never told the name of God, even though Moses asked him. That's why some people are still uncomfortable giving out their name to strangers.

X post. In that case - if I was also attending case review I would introduce myself and give my role.

Really UnMember? Well there's a thing I didn't know before! That maybe explains why a few of my fairground owning friends respond to "Are you James?" with "Who wants to know?".

:o

Yes it's true. The idea is reflected through our culture eg Rumplestiltskin or Voldemort

Do you know, I'm warming to the practice, TheUnMember. This could be good.

The origins are so old Bandersnatch that I think they've been lost in the mists of time. I came across the concept when doing a biblical studies A-level. At the burning bush Moses asks God who he is and God replies 'I am who I am' it's a need to know basis and you don't need to know. Yahweh and Jehovah are different spellings of the ancient Hebrew for 'I am'.

OP what is a SLT?

lotta do you think it's possible you're coming across as too 'bouncy' (or to be blunt-in your face)? That puts a lot of people off, myself included. Apologies if not.

Sorry Helen - speech and language therapist

lisaro, possibly. Maybe it's not everyone's style. I tend to start off from a 'bouncy' point to show people that I'm enthusiastic, positive, keen to hear from them etc. And because sometimes if I didn't, me and the other person would just end up standing there staring at each other like cows in a field and I feel it's my role to take the lead in the situation, at least to start with.

Maybe it's like Rumplestiltskin, if you get their true name they'll forever be in your power...

'Maybe it's like Rumplestiltskin, if you get their true name they'll forever be in your power'

I don't even care if they give me a fake name, I just want to know what to call them! If I'm talking to another staff member or the manager, it's useful to be able to say 'oh Jane mentioned......' rather than 'the lady over there mentioned.....'

I see what you're saying, lotta but maybe introducing yourself in a quieter manner would get better results?

Sorry. I meant to add that an in your face approach very often gets people's backs up and leads to a negative view of the perpetrator.

Argh fecking phone! Which in turn leads to a poorer working relationship. There. Finished.

OP-do you really always need to know the other person´s name?

If I didn´t give out my name, I wouldn´t then expect to be asked what it was tbh.

I think it's schools' attitudes to SALTs in your case, I'm afraid. Every school I've worked in (was SEN teacher) has had lovely SALTs but they're never accepted or appreciated by the staff (except me! Involved in lots of communication stuff). Education staff refuse to try to understand the way NHS staff work. It's awful.

belindarose, I'm glad you were involved in lots of communication stuff! I have come across that attitude before but thankfully less than I used to. Staff do need a bit of cajoling though and can be downright frosty at first in some cases.

diddl, yes I do need to know people's names. Not if I'm just chatting with the person in passing, but if I'm going to be working with someone, as far as I'm concerned it's a mark of respect to refer to that person by name and not just treat them as another random bod. I tell people my name and expect them to use it (name, not title) and I would have thought it was courtesy to reciprocate.

Lotta, you say you introduce yourself with your name and your job title, do you think it's your job title that puts people off?

"Hi, I'm Lotta, Imperial Commander of the High Seas and Chief Executioner of Office Stationery Pilferers."