to think it's bloody rude not to reply when someone introduces themselves?

[Lottapianos]

I have this regularly at work when I go to visit new settings:

Me: 'Hi I'm Lotta, the xxxxxx (my job title)' + eye contact and smile
Them: 'oh' or 'hi' followed by stony silence

Tell me your bloody name FFS! I then end up saying 'and what's your name?' or 'I'm so sorry, I don't know your name' and they mutter it with a 'WTF?' look on their faces. Isn't this fairly basic social skills stuff? Isn't it useful to know the names of people who you meet in a work and/or social capacity? Isn't it polite to say your name when someone tells you theirs???

Sorry for rant! Would be good to hear thoughts

Oh sorry, just seen your job title ... ignore me.

Ynbu some school staff, review meeting attendees have extraordinarily poor social/professional skills.

Ah, now I know what you are. They're afraid you're going to judge them on their speech, so they daren't speak.

Why don't you try a 'Hi, I'm Lotta, SLT, here to attend meeting blah or review child x. Are you child x's teacher, Mary StonySilence? +eye contact and smile.

But maybe a bit less bouncy. I can find that off-putting, in a 'WTAF is she on?' way.

I do supply in nurseries and often turn up at a school where I get asked my name numerous times because they've all forgotten.

I once introduced dh's SIL to my friend, she looked her up and down then walked away. I was mortified. My friend was so funny about it and still is to this day.

In your OP you put "visit new settings"-do you always end up introducing yourself to someone who you will work with, then?

If for example it´s the school secretary or a teacher unconnected to the pupil, do you still expect them to give their name?

Have to laugh at "bouncy"-I remember someone bounding up to my dad in a shopping centre & saying "hello, I´m X-can I ask you about...?"

My Dad took a step back & said"just hold on there, Tigger.."

diddl, no, not someone I meet briefly like school secretary or whatever, I mean the child's teacher or keyworker. Someone I'm going to have a fairly long conversation with and be in contact with in the future.

Surely though if you are to be working together they´ll be telling you their name at some point?

Does it really matter if they don´t tell you straight away?

And perhaps they think you´re rude in the way you ask?

diddle - It was me that said bouncy and your dad's response is exactly what I mean. It makes me cringe, that's why I suggested it.

Normally when a stranger bounds up to you all overly enthusiastic and friendly, they're trying to sell you something so I think that people have been conditioned to be wary of that type of behaviour. Tbh, I'd be too distracted and maybe a bit startled by your approach to even think of introducing myself back.

You could lower your 'enthusiasm' and just nod politely at people, when introducing yourself, lower your tone and don't stare at them because it can be creepy. I also wonder if being a speech and language you open your mouth very wide when speaking to people. I know someone who works at that and I always find myself looking into her mouth when she's talking, it's the most expressive mouth I've ever seen, I've always wondered if it's her training because she needs to teach kids how to pronounce the words right so maybe her exaggerated mouth movements are a habit from that. No offence intended, it may just be her.

Some people are just rude though, it's hard to say without witnessing your interaction with them. Try treading a bit more softly and see how you get on, if they're still rude then maybe the problem is with them.

But the op isn't remotely bouncey in her greeting, it is conservative, professional well within normal social interactions.

There is nothing at all that makes her out to be some gurning, over familiar, eye-balling cbbc presenter.

Lotta - I completely agree with you, and I'm surprised most people aren't the same, but IME they aren't.

also in agreement with lotta. weird and unprofessional. reckon this probably happens more in schools than in other workplaces.

and even if the op were bouncy, does that mean that rude stone walling is the appropriate response? what is this, the freaking playground? are you bounce haters reserving your politeness for someone who you believe to be appropriatley distant?

YANBU OP I think what you are saying sounds normal and polite. Not sure how anyone could take offence and I do think it is rude not to introduce themselves back!

ok, i'm just re-reading some of the posts here.

bobbledunk, i can't believe you would be "distracted and startled" by a new colleague introducing herself.

YANBU OP us brits are a miserable lot
try talking to someone in the line at the supermarket and they look at you like you have just taken a dump in the floor
I long to live somewhere with a bit more community spirit

Lotta, I completely agree with you. This has happened to me too (although not really at work) and I find it quite odd.

I introduced myself (in a very low key, non bouncy, normal conversation type way ) to my new next door neighbour. As in "Hello, I'm Cloudbase, I live next door. It's nice to meet you". He just stared at me for a very long time and disappeared into his flat. I still don't know his name and he's been there a while.

(incidentally, I also once, many years ago, put a nice polite non-bouncy invitation through the door of everyone in my old block of flats, inviting them to pop round for a Christmas drink, so that we could all meet each other properly as opposed to saying a rushed 'Hi' 'on the stairs. Just in a kind of Christmassy, community building, low key kind of way. A lovely couple upstairs gave their apologies as they has theatre tickets booked, but out of 10 other flats, not one single person turned up. Me and then DH spent the evening alone with several crates of beer/wine feeling very )

I don't think it's to do with perceived 'bounce', and more to do with a society suffering from information overload that's become increasingly protective of personal space. But at the same time, we're led to believe that as a society we are becoming more fragmented and isolated. I don't know...

Lotta - I'm with you as well.

Yesterday a good aquaintance (mum I chat with at the school gate) introduced me to her DH, thus:-
"This is 1950s and she just moved here from *"
Me: "Hi, nice to meet you. I heard you guys moved here recently. What do you think of the xyz?"
Nothing. Just a terse smile. He looked almost past me. I am short, but this was ridiculous.
Luckily, I'd been warned he was a miserable fucker by another friend.

'There is nothing at all that makes her out to be some gurning, over familiar, eye-balling cbbc presenter' I thought I was just being professional too. I really don't go bounding up to people all bug-eyed and start humping their legs or anything!

'I also wonder if being a speech and language you open your mouth very wide when speaking to people' How bizarre. I think it's just your friend

Cloudbase, I had almost the same thing with a neighbour. 'Hi I'm Lotta, I live at number 20' Neighbour - 'hi' with a blank expression.

Good grief woman, why do you think I'm telling you my name???? Maybe as a prompt so you can tell me yours??!! There is a middle ground between ignoring people that you see every day and wanting to become someone's bestest friend ever. You may well be right about information overload though, at least in a social context. At work though, I would have thought it was just a professional thing to do to introduce yourself by name.

1950s, maybe you have the simplest explanation for this - some people are just miserable buggers

I wonder if there might be something territorial going on?

I used to, many moons ago, work in a ward where some older nurses could get quite resentful of their colleagues in other professions, ie physiotherapists, SALTs, OTs, etc.

I think they saw these often younger colleagues as arrogant whippersnappers who 'bounced' in and would then offer their professional advice or instructions to their colleagues in a superior sort of manner.

Some old school nurses saw this as an affront to their knowledge, experience and capabilities [especially as they trained in an era where nurses truly did everything from chest physio to splinting, etc]. And to be fair some of their younger colleagues in other specialities could be a bit arrogant and know-it-all.

Are you younger than these teaching colleagues you speak of? Could it be possible that they feel you are somehow eroding their authority, teaching them to suck eggs or trying to tell them what to do?

I fully appreciate how frustrating this might be for you though. Hope you can try some of the advice here and that the situation improves for you.

Do they wear a name badge??? If not, then they are being rude!

No, no name badges Longdistance - good idea though!

RaPaPaPum, thanks for your thoughts. I think there may be a bit of resentment there sometimes and there definitely is a culture in some schools of 'we know everything already thank you very much' which is a shame. I am younger than some of the staff I meet and that may be a consideration for them. It's part of the reason I try to be friendly and upbeat from the very beginning, so they don't feel I've come in to lay down the law, but to work with them to make a situation better for everyone. I think it speaks volumes about people's own insecurities if they start from a position of suspicion with every other professional they meet!

Insecurity and suspicion is rife in nursing in my experience. I don't know if it is the same in the teaching profession, although I suspect not as it doesn't have the same collegial, social and historical connotations attached to it.

But good luck Lotta and I am sure you will win them over in due course. Just keep being your friendly, approachable, professional self.

FWIW I have also had the experience of being a new young member of staff amongst old harridans seasoned professionals

I did get through to them eventually!

'But good luck Lotta and I am sure you will win them over in due course. Just keep being your friendly, approachable, professional self'

Thank you RaPaPaPum - what a lovely thing to say

Reminds me of when I moved in to my first house. A day or two after moving in I came out of the front door on my way to work and the next door neighbour was standing on his step.

I did the friendly thing of smiling and saying "Hello, I'm xxxx" meanwhile extending my hand to shake. He just smiled back and said "That's nice" but did not tell me his name. I lived there for three years and never did find out what he was called!

YANBU.

It's rude and unprofessional not to respond with your name and polite hello. I can't believe anyone wouldn't extend that common courtesy.