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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should cancel our holiday?

71 replies

allnightidreamofsleep · 20/05/2012 09:51

I am a new mum (have a 4 month old DD) and have always been a lurker up until now - have found reading AIBU on my phone a lifesaver to get me through the night feeds! Sorry if this is a bit long and all over the place

DD was STTN (well, 10 hr stretches) at 12 weeks after a lot of hard work stretching feeds etc and then....we went to Ireland to stay with in laws and everything went downhill. Whether it was the flight or just me being super sensitive (to her making noise), or just DD being in an unusual house/bed, she started waking at about 2am and I just fed her so that she didn't wake the household. Then we came back and she picked up a tummy bug so was told by HV to feed on demand whenever she was hungry.

Fast forward 4 weeks and she is now waking twice in the night and I am at the end of my rope! Completely shattered and can see no end in sight. We are supposed to be going to Tenerife day after tomorrow (when we booked it we had visions of putting her to bed in the pram and then going out for dinner - ha!) but DH thinks another change will put her back even further and he thinks we should cancel. We got a really cheap deal so it is not a financial thing as such....but bloody hell I feel like I really need some sunshine and just to get out of this house/town would probably do me good!

AIBU to not want to cancel the holiday, and to feel pretty pissed off at DH for even suggesting it, even though I can see that I will risk us both still feeling this tired in another month's time because DD is so all over the place, or should I cancel, suck it up and realise that being a mum is about making sacrifices, and spend a week at home with DH trying to get DD back on track? Or am I completely over reacting and in fact she won't notice where we are and me using trip to in laws is just me trying to justify to other mums find a reason why her sleep is now that of a 6 week old?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 20/05/2012 09:54

go on your holiday!!! your husband is being a bit silly and a break in the sun will probably do both of you good.

you cannot guarantee any child will be "back on track", it just doesnt work that way

shinyblackgrape · 20/05/2012 09:54

Do not cancel the holiday. I don't have a baby yet (13 weeks pregnant) so have no knowledge on the sleep front. However, I'm not sure what yiu'll achieve bay staying at home for a week.

Ok - Tenerife might cause a bit more of a diversion in things but at least you be having some sun and DH can help as he won't be working etc.

squeakytoy · 20/05/2012 09:57

I would also say, on holiday you will be surrounded by other parents with babies, who will be in exactly the same situation. Tell your husband to get that suncream packed, and stop worrying.

MummyDoIt · 20/05/2012 09:57

Don't cancel your holiday. If she's already waking in the night, it's not going to make things worse. If you're away on holiday, just take it easy, take it in turns to nap during the day, and you'll feel a lot better than being stuck at home, wishing you were somewhere sunny.

Four months is still young to be sleeping through. Many babies don't manage it till much later. My DS2 was still waking for one feed at a year old. You don't say if she's bottle fed or breastfed. If bottle, can you and your DH take it in turns to get up so you each get a good night's sleep on alternate nights? If breastfed, can you have her by the bed so you just pick her up and put her down for feeds without having to get up?

bunnyspoiler · 20/05/2012 09:58

Go on your holiday and relax, a change will do you all good. Sleep routines can change quite a bit during the first years of life, often with no rhyme or reason. I don't believe a small, short change in your routine has caused this change in her sleep pattern. If you obsess too much about routines the anxiety when there is any disruption can become quite damaging and children pick up and become fretful, a vicious circle.

theotherboleyngirl · 20/05/2012 09:59

4 months is a classic time for sleep regression. There are so many other factors that come in to play, and as with all things baby: this WILL pass.

Don't cancel the holiday. A change and some sunshine will do you all some good.

Imagine if you cancel and a week of putting in hard work at home results in no change.

Hassled · 20/05/2012 09:59

Don't cancel - you're absolutely right; some sunshine and a change of scene might just make everything seem more copeable with. And you've no reason to think that the time you're away would be the time your DD would otherwise sort her sleep out - if she's going to be a nightmare anyway, she might as well be a nightmare somewhere pleasant!

All of my DCs had a sleep blip at 4 months - it's probably far less to do with changes in routine and far more to do with a growth spurt. I do remember what it's like to feel obsessed with sleep - you dread the nights, it's all you can think about - but really, it will pass.

shinyblackgrape · 20/05/2012 09:59

I think you'll just end up depressed and resentful at home.

My cousin is/was terribly precious about her children (NOT saying you are) to the extent that her now 3 year old still has ridiculous unshiftable sleeping routines -eg she will still turn down going for lunch incase he couldn't eat at exactly the right time and then have his sleep directly after. Cancelling the holiday is exactly the kind of thing she would do n

It made me feel quite depressed about having children until my DSis had a little boy and showed me that you can still have a routine with a little bit of flexibility to enable some semblance of a life!

catgirl1976 · 20/05/2012 09:59

Dont cancel - go and enjoy it!

Your DC sleeps far better than my 6mo Envy

Sounds like you are doing great and a break will do everyone good

ErikNorseman · 20/05/2012 10:00

Oh my god do not cancel the holiday! If you do I promise you will look back in a few years and cringe at yourselves. Your baby may well sleep happily in the pram while you go eat, and if not, well she's still tiny, there will be broken nights wherever you are, enjoy your holiday!

Whatnamethistime · 20/05/2012 10:00

my children sleep more in the heat, you may find your vision of her sleeping in the pram isnt as much of a long shot as you think.

heliumballoon · 20/05/2012 10:00

I have a four month old too. The difference is that she is #2 so I know very well that the 4 month sleep regression is well documented, whether you are travelling or not. Mine has started waking twice in the night too and we haven't been anywhere! Sounds like your DH is panicking a bit. You would be bonkers to cancel your trip, think how much resentment you would have towards your baby that week. Just lower your expectations of how much babies sleep, and make sure you get lots of rest, naps, help with baby and low key pottering about while on holiday. Actually, I'm quite jealous. I wish I was going away next week. Have a lovely time!!

McHappyPants2012 · 20/05/2012 10:00

don't cancel, any thing can set a baby sleep pattern out. Illness, teething, injections.

Dolcegusto · 20/05/2012 10:01

Don't cancel the holiday!!
You sound like you need a break, your dd is still tiny and portable so you can take her with you if you go out for the evening.

She's still so small,and while you were lucky that she slept through the night so early on, it doesn't mean that she'll continue to do that. There's really no need to get so stressed about making her sleep through the night, if she's waking for a night feed at 4 months, it's because she's hungry, not because she's out of routine. Some babies have never slept through at that age.

You sound like a lovely mum but like you've got so exhausted that you can't see the wood for the trees, so to speak.

Go on your holiday, get dh to look after the baby for an evening so you can catch up on your sleep and trust me, it will seem better once you've had a good nights sleep!

ErikNorseman · 20/05/2012 10:01

And babies change their sleep routines all the time. May e you need to lower expectations a little.

FeakAndWeeble · 20/05/2012 10:03

DS started sleeping through at 12 weeks too and we were very smug and pleased with ourselves... Then at 16 weeks - poof! All went to pot and he was up three or four times all over again. I think it went on for about a month, then settled to just a couple of times, but I don't think he slept all the way through again without waking once until he was about 7mo.

We hadn't changed anything (DH is on autistic spectrum and is all about ROUTINE), so I don't think your having gone to Ireland really made any difference. Your DD is probably having a growth spurt so she needs to feed more often - just think about how much a baby changes between 4mo and 6mo, which is when you could probably start supplementing her with bits of mushed carrot etc. For the moment all she's got to thrive on is milk so she'll be demanding more of it to get growing and developing.

Go on holiday. Talk to your DP and explain that you need a break and you'd much rather be sleep deprived in the sunshine than at home.

MsWeatherwax · 20/05/2012 10:04

Sleep might not be anything to do with going away. You sound like you're blaming yourself but in fact you have little control over a baby's sleep - they are all different and some have more trouble sleeping than others and their sleep needs change all the time. I think you can either be sleepless and stressed at home or sleepless and stressed in a relaxed sunny place. I would go, take her out with you to eat if she's not sleeping - it's a relaxed sort of place after all and kids stay up late in Spain with the family usually. Or if you have self-catering facilities you can relax at the apartment.

PuppyMonkey · 20/05/2012 10:04

Another vote for going on hols here.

squeakytoy · 20/05/2012 10:05

The important people here are you firstly, and then your husband. You are the people who need the break. Your baby will sleep, and will be completely unconcerned where she is, but the pair of you can laze around by the pool, taking it in turns to snooze, you can go out and enjoy a meal while she sleeps in her buggy, and you can relax.

If he is still thinking of cancelling, tell him fine, he can cancel himself, but you are going on your own! Grin and he can stay at home being a martyr! with the baby!

BuntyCollocks · 20/05/2012 10:05

My 16mo slept through the night until 4 months, and then it all went tits up. Still waking, nothing changes it.

Fuck all to do with anything you've done/not done. There's a sleep regression at 4 months. Go on your holiday. Google 4 month sleep regression. Tell your husband to stop being pfb.

GateGipsy · 20/05/2012 10:07

Don't cancel the holiday! This isn't like the trip to the in laws where you felt compelled to change routine to keep the peace. You can keep the routine. I speak from experience when I say it is strangely wonderful how relaxing it is for you. Even though you're still doing the same thing, you're doing it in a DIFFERENT place with SUNSHINE. Yay! For me, it was simply so much nicer to be able to sit doing the early morning feed looking out the window at different, gorgeous, scenery.

PeanutButterCupCake · 20/05/2012 10:08

YABU

Go on holiday and enjoy Smile

Sandalwood · 20/05/2012 10:08

I think it might do you good to take it in turns to have naps on a sunlounger by a pool for a week.

ToryLovell · 20/05/2012 10:08

Don't cancel. You'll have sleep pattern changes whether at home or on hols but you need a break and IME this is a much easier age to holiday with than when they get mobile

IsLovingAndGiving · 20/05/2012 10:09

Unfortunately babies are always changing their sleep patterns & messing up all your hard work. Your dd is still so young & what you have described sounds completely normal.

We took dc3 on holiday with us when she was 4 months old & she did wake a couple of times in the night, it was tiring (especially with keeping the older dcs busy) but we still had a lovely time.

I would definitely still go. Enjoy the sun & try to rest when lo is sleeping. It will be different to holidays without dc, but you can still have fun & deal with the routine when you return.

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