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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should cancel our holiday?

71 replies

allnightidreamofsleep · 20/05/2012 09:51

I am a new mum (have a 4 month old DD) and have always been a lurker up until now - have found reading AIBU on my phone a lifesaver to get me through the night feeds! Sorry if this is a bit long and all over the place

DD was STTN (well, 10 hr stretches) at 12 weeks after a lot of hard work stretching feeds etc and then....we went to Ireland to stay with in laws and everything went downhill. Whether it was the flight or just me being super sensitive (to her making noise), or just DD being in an unusual house/bed, she started waking at about 2am and I just fed her so that she didn't wake the household. Then we came back and she picked up a tummy bug so was told by HV to feed on demand whenever she was hungry.

Fast forward 4 weeks and she is now waking twice in the night and I am at the end of my rope! Completely shattered and can see no end in sight. We are supposed to be going to Tenerife day after tomorrow (when we booked it we had visions of putting her to bed in the pram and then going out for dinner - ha!) but DH thinks another change will put her back even further and he thinks we should cancel. We got a really cheap deal so it is not a financial thing as such....but bloody hell I feel like I really need some sunshine and just to get out of this house/town would probably do me good!

AIBU to not want to cancel the holiday, and to feel pretty pissed off at DH for even suggesting it, even though I can see that I will risk us both still feeling this tired in another month's time because DD is so all over the place, or should I cancel, suck it up and realise that being a mum is about making sacrifices, and spend a week at home with DH trying to get DD back on track? Or am I completely over reacting and in fact she won't notice where we are and me using trip to in laws is just me trying to justify to other mums find a reason why her sleep is now that of a 6 week old?

OP posts:
startail · 20/05/2012 10:11

Warm evening, stroll along the sea front drink in one bar, dinner in another when DC doses off, walk back along the seafront and grab another drink at another pretty bar.

Or sit in rainy Britain watching the TV.

The baby will still wake in the night which ever you do.

I hate to tell you this, but 2,3,4 year old DCs don't always STTN. My 14 year old appears saying she can't sleep sometimes.

Go enjoy, take turns to sleep in the day.
Beware routines, they can be handcuffs that spoil your relationships with friends and family.

mrsscoob · 20/05/2012 10:13

DO NOT CANCEL!!!!! It will be nice, you can take her out in the evenings and she may sleep better from being outside all day. If she isn't sleeping you can take her for an evening stroll in her pram down by the beach, it will be lovely.

Try not to get to hung up on the sleep thing. Just try and enjoy yourselves

HandMini · 20/05/2012 10:14

I promise you it will be better than you think. I could have written your post a few months back, we took DD to Greece at 4 months...did the going out for dinner with her in buggy thing, it worked just fine, we all slept as badly as we did at home, but the sun, odd vat of wine and seeing DD dunked in the sea for the first time was all worth it.

Oh, and the plane journey was ok too. Do it. You will feel really proud of yourselves afterwards. And I promise sleeping levels out a lot more after about six months for most babies, so don't worry.

EauRouge · 20/05/2012 10:14

Your DH wants to cancel a holiday because your 4 month old baby wakes up twice in the night? Hmm

Get him to read this.

You don't need to justify anything to other mums- you are the ones dealing with the night-wakings, not them. Sod what they think, you are the best judge of what works for you and your baby. A child sleeping through the night is a milestone like any other- rolling over, crawling, walking etc- it is not an achievement or a sign of good parenting.

Have a lovely holiday :) How about getting a sling and just letting her snooze on you while you enjoy dinner?

BabyDubsEverywhere · 20/05/2012 10:15

My nearly 5 year old sleeps through now...sometimes...if i had the option of being a zombie in the sun as aposed to a zombie in the midlands you would have to prise the tickets out of my cold dead hands...swapsies?

OutragedAtThePriceOfFreddos · 20/05/2012 10:16

Don't cancel your holiday, your baby is 4 months old, it's normal for her to wake in the night.

There is no 'track' to get back on, babies develop at such a quick rate that their needs are constantly changing. The fact that your baby is waking in the night isn't because you went to Ireland, it because she's a baby! If she's still waking twice in the night when she is two, then you might have an actual problem that you can do something about. Until then, just accept that you have a baby and babies don't sleep through the night.

I think people have ridiculously unrealistic expectations of the amount of sleep they should be getting when they have a baby. My best friend is going through this at the moment with her first, she's convinced theres either something wrong with her baby or her parenting because her three month old wakes in the night.

BlackholesAndRevelations · 20/05/2012 10:17

Oh my gosh don't cancel! This is the classic four month sleep regression plus she is still really young; my eight month old has only recently stopped waking twice and now wakes once per night.

This is motherhood! Grin and bear it- I'm hoping guessing the sleep deprivation won't last forever! A week in the sun sounds like just what the doctor ordered Grin

Hulababy · 20/05/2012 10:20

Definitely don't cancel.

DD was sleeping through early on and then at 3-4 months stopped. TShe didn't actually sleep through properly from then til she was 20 months old, but holidays/nights away made no difference.

To be honest I'd rather have a sleepless night in the sun and warm, relaxing during the day on holiday than have the same sleepless night but stuck in the cold wet weather we are having here right now.

Original poster
allnightidreamofsleep · 20/05/2012 10:21

Am almost in tears at the positive responses, I think we both know we are over reacting but guess we are clutching at straws. Have been breaking our arses getting her on a routine and at the mo it all feels in vain. I should also add that DH is of the fair skinned Irish persuasion and the lure of the sun is not so strong for him! I on the other hand am a bit of a sun worshiper.

I am bfding but DH gives her one bottle of ebm at night, topped up with formula when neccesary (almost always as that pump is my nemesis).

Thanks again, will let you know how we get on, and am loving the idea of heat=sleep!

OP posts:
Rubirosa · 20/05/2012 10:22

Babies' sleep doesn't change in a steady progression - she isn't sleeping "like a 6 week old", she's sleeping like a baby!

There will be times when she sleeps all night, and lots of times when she doesn't (sleep regression, separation anxiety, teething, learning to roll/crawl/stand etc etc).

Many people have children who slept 8/10/12 hours a night at 3 months but went through periods of waking loads. Holidays have nothing to do with it.

Rubirosa · 20/05/2012 10:24

I would forget the routine while you are on holiday - let her sleep whenever, feed on demand, take her out late and feed her to sleep, have her in your bed. Breastfeeding makes it much easier to go with the flow and enjoy your holiday!

LetsGetItOn · 20/05/2012 10:26

twice a night isnt too bad, i get up more than that with the flippin cat!

griphook · 20/05/2012 10:27

Go on holiday, she might not sleep well but at least it will be hot and other people will cook for you

trixymalixy · 20/05/2012 10:30

Honestly, I think waking twice in the night is really not bad for a 4 month old and you would be absolutely mad to not go on a holiday you have paid for because of it.

EauRouge · 20/05/2012 10:31

"Have been breaking our arses getting her on a routine"

Why? Routines are meant to make life easier for you, not more difficult- if it's not working then you don't have to do it. Babies do not need a routine, they are optional. They don't work for every parent and every baby. You sound like it's stressing you out. :(

QuintessentialShadows · 20/05/2012 10:31

Twice a night is pretty normal. Though, with babies, there are really no "normal" and neither any "back on track". It is quite common to sleep very well to begin with, then have a growth spurt and wake a lot, and then keep at this for the foreseeable.... We tried to give our boys (now 10 and 6) a bottle around 11pm, and found that this stretched them till around 4 am for the first feed, but only when weaning was well underway. (They were usually breastfed, but got a top up bottle of formula 11pm as I was at the end of my rope, as they both had a habit of waking every two hours for feeds throughout the night)

Go on your holiday, you need it! Smile

youngblowfish · 20/05/2012 10:34

Please don't cancel.

We did not plan any extensive trips precisely for the reason of not unsettling DS. Therefore have been stuck in rainy Manchester for longer than I can remember and I really resent it.

DH thinks DS at 13 months is still too young to go on holiday abroad and is reluctant to plan anything. It makes me want to tear my hair out and escape to Rome leaving them both to it.

As for STTN? DS still does not.

QuintessentialShadows · 20/05/2012 10:35

oh oh oh, The Routine has a lot to answer for when it comes to frustrated new parents.

We have to bear in mind that the Creator of The Routine was a nanny, with nothing else to do in her life than look after baby. She did not have a relationship to maintain, she did not have any housework, she did not have to plan anything, she had no domestic duties, no post pregnancy issues, no breastfeeding to think of. She could just swan in with a breezy smile and device A Routine. Fair enough for nannies, I should say.

The Routine has been blamed for a significant percentage of PND in new first time mums.... Go Figure!

ebbandflow · 20/05/2012 10:38

I know lots of people don't agree with them, but my dd used a dummy and it was a great help. Am thinking of your flight and bedtime here. Her teeth have grown through fine and it wasn't too hard to wean her off it.

my2centsis · 20/05/2012 10:41

Havnt read whole thread but go on your holiday!

Ds is 5 months and still wakes 2-3 times a night it's just what babys do and it's very exhausting. But babies can change their patterns very quickly ds was sleeping 7 hours straight at 3months he did it for two weeks then changed to wake for two hours sleep for two hours etc etc.

Good luck

Florabeebaby · 20/05/2012 10:51

Go on holiday! You will feel better with a bit of sun and warm weather.

My DD (17m) has NEVER slept through, NEVER. And she had a bloody strict routine due to her being premature and being fed at every 3 hours until 5 months to make sure she would gain weight.
I have tried all sorts but now just accept that she is who she is and one day will sleep. (clinging to that one day hopefully being soon...I'm in need of a holiday :)
Enjoy Tenerife, it's lovely!

Hulababy · 20/05/2012 10:57

I agree - forget about "the routine." Just follow your instincts and follow the needs of your baby. No baby is the same, they haven't read the rule book. If you get so het up about fixing some routine you'll forget to enjoy your DD, and (I know it is a cliche) they really are only little for such a short space of time. Enjoy it.

tasmaniandevilchaser · 20/05/2012 11:05

another vote for going on holiday here! Tenerife is lovely, very child friendly, people won't mind if your baby is up at the dinner table, you'll probably have people wanting to entertain her. She might even sleep well from lots of fresh air, sunshine and new stimulation, sploshing around in the pool.

I remember how it feels, you think you're just getting the hang of it all when something happens (I went to stay with my parents) and everything changes. But as everyone else has said, this is just what babies are like. Go with the flow. No need to cancel a holiday over it. You deserve a nice holiday in the sun!

MarySA · 20/05/2012 11:12

Absolutely don't cancel the holiday. A change will do you all the world of good. Have a great time!

ENormaSnob · 20/05/2012 11:21

Go on the holiday.

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