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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think we should cancel our holiday?

71 replies

allnightidreamofsleep · 20/05/2012 09:51

I am a new mum (have a 4 month old DD) and have always been a lurker up until now - have found reading AIBU on my phone a lifesaver to get me through the night feeds! Sorry if this is a bit long and all over the place

DD was STTN (well, 10 hr stretches) at 12 weeks after a lot of hard work stretching feeds etc and then....we went to Ireland to stay with in laws and everything went downhill. Whether it was the flight or just me being super sensitive (to her making noise), or just DD being in an unusual house/bed, she started waking at about 2am and I just fed her so that she didn't wake the household. Then we came back and she picked up a tummy bug so was told by HV to feed on demand whenever she was hungry.

Fast forward 4 weeks and she is now waking twice in the night and I am at the end of my rope! Completely shattered and can see no end in sight. We are supposed to be going to Tenerife day after tomorrow (when we booked it we had visions of putting her to bed in the pram and then going out for dinner - ha!) but DH thinks another change will put her back even further and he thinks we should cancel. We got a really cheap deal so it is not a financial thing as such....but bloody hell I feel like I really need some sunshine and just to get out of this house/town would probably do me good!

AIBU to not want to cancel the holiday, and to feel pretty pissed off at DH for even suggesting it, even though I can see that I will risk us both still feeling this tired in another month's time because DD is so all over the place, or should I cancel, suck it up and realise that being a mum is about making sacrifices, and spend a week at home with DH trying to get DD back on track? Or am I completely over reacting and in fact she won't notice where we are and me using trip to in laws is just me trying to justify to other mums find a reason why her sleep is now that of a 6 week old?

OP posts:

TheSoggyBunny · 20/05/2012 11:42

Sod the routine if it isn't working for you.

I'm a really obsessive organised type, I was sure I'd love having a routine.

Before I had my pfb...

She was prem, so we brought a baby home who was used to a strict routine plus my mum was obsessed with routines too.

Didn't work. At all.

After 3 days of hell trying to stick to it I thought bugger that, and went with the flow.

Much happier all round. If she woke in the night I just fed her, she went back to sleep. Sorted.

Babies don't often sleep all night. It's normal.

Dd finally achieved all night sleeping at around 23 months. I however still wake at least 3 times!

TheSoggyBunny · 20/05/2012 11:43

Forgot to say.

Go and get some Sun.

Enjoy.

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/05/2012 11:49

Go. Seriously, you must.

TBH this is probably the best time to go on holiday - by next year she'll be walking, you'll have to eyes in the back of your head and you'll get no peace. This year it will be lovely - you will be able to pop her in her pram and have a nice time with her by your side. Bugger the routine, go with the flow.

faintpinkline · 20/05/2012 12:44

Do not cancel your holiday. Sorry to say it but dd dud not sleep through until she was half way through reception. Thats a very long time to wait for a holiday

NameChangeaGoGo · 20/05/2012 12:52

To arrange your lives around your child's sleep patterns like this does not sound healthy TBH. It sounds like you've lost a sense of perspective. Very easy to do with lack of sleep.

CailinDana · 20/05/2012 12:59

You and your DH need to sit yourselves down and give yourselves a good talking to. Why do you have to "justify" your daughter's sleeping to other mums?? It's not a competition! It's none of their business how your daughter sleeps, and there is no such thing as "getting a baby on track" or "sleeping like a 6 week old." If you continue thinking like that you're going to end up very stressed out. You just need to accept that babies are unpredictable, especially at this age, and that you just have to do what you can do to make life run as smoothly as possible. Waking twice a night is actually very good going - some babies wake every hour and a half yes I'm talking about you DS.

Four months is a great time for travelling because the baby is small enough that they don't know what's going on and they will usually sleep on the plane. We're facing the prospect of taking an 18 month old on the plane soon and we're dreading it, because there is no way he'll want to sit for any length of time. But, we'll manage it with plenty of bribery.

Go, and enjoy your holiday :)

Original poster

allnightidreamofsleep · 03/06/2012 10:04

Hello, just wanted to say thanks for all the advice, as you all predicted the holiday was amazing, did not want to come home. DD was in her element, loving the attention and had her first taste of ice cream along with lots of splashes in the pool. So pleased we went, so thanks again!

OP posts:

Laquitar · 03/06/2012 10:33

Have you seen the weather forecast OP? It is going to rain all the week in UK.

You will be mad to cancel.

But make an agreement with dh that he won't sulk or moan and won't say 'i've told you so' every time the baby cries.

Laquitar · 03/06/2012 10:35

Ah just read your last post, grin.

Great!

lovebunny · 03/06/2012 13:36

hello. who told you there was a set way for babies to sleep? find them and shoot them. are you breastfeeding? probably not if you're only giving two night feeds but 'feed on demand' is breastfeeding advice so maybe you are.

if so, think this way. 'here is my baby. she needs to feed every 20 minutes if she's breastfed, so i'll keep her close by me and meet her needs. if she sleeps for more than two hours, i'll offer her the breast in her sleep, because she will have digested my milk by now. when my baby is grown up, i won't need to do this. it is just for now, while she is small. my breastfed baby is portable, i can go anywhere, as long as people provide me with a suitable cosy chair or bed because i'll be resting and sleeping according to baby's needs, not according to their rules or social events.'

don't waste time on thinking what babies should do. they haven't read the book. go by what she does. and trust yourself. if you think the holiday is too much, don't go.

MunroMagic · 03/06/2012 13:49

Go on holiday! I really don't think it will make her sleep worse. Likewise, I don't think it was your trip that caused her to start waking at night.

My DD was sleeping through at 12 weeks, then at around 16 weeks (4 months) started waking a couple of times a night. Classic sleep regression. Most of my NCT group experienced the same. She started sleeping through again at 6.5 months without us doing anything.

I wouldn't bust your gut to try to fix her night waking with routine, to the extent that it stops you living your life. Chances are she will go back to sleeping through in a couple of months on her own.

Pandemoniaa · 03/06/2012 13:55

Have read your last post and so pleased you went on holiday and had such a good time. Your dd's routines will change throughout her early years and putting your own lives on hold won't make the slightest difference!

Incidentally, my ds1 was an early sleeper through the night and I can remember, with shame, a certain complacency about it. How appropriate that when ds2 came along, he refused to recognise the night as any sort of time to sleep! We still carried on with planned activities though, just rather more tiredly at times.

HeadfirstForHalos · 03/06/2012 14:02

"Beware routines, they can be handcuffs that spoil your relationships with friends and family."

Totally agree with this. Some routine can be a good thing, but not if you are tied down by it.I have 4 dcs, and the easiest as a baby by far, was dc 4, because he just had to fit in with the rest of the family, our lives didn't revolve around his feeding/sleeping.

Go and have a fabulous time.

HeadfirstForHalos · 03/06/2012 14:02

Oops, only just realised you are back I'm glad you had a good time!

mumeeee · 03/06/2012 14:08

Don't cancel your holiday. 4 months old is still young to be sleeping through the night. You might find she sleeps more on holiday.

mumeeee · 03/06/2012 14:10

Sorry missed your last post. Glad you went and had a good time.

sleepdodger · 03/06/2012 14:13

Sorry but that's good sleep.... It's just they hit glitches when they're I'll teeth etc, shell resettle soon I'm jealous ds1 only just STTN at 13 months!

Pilchardnpoppy · 03/06/2012 14:19

4 months is a classic time for sleep regression. Google it. Still go on your holiday - there's no guarantee that not going will improver her sleep.

rainydaysarebad · 03/06/2012 14:25

My DS is also 4 months (nearly 5) and he wakes up at least 3-4 times a night. I feed him laying down though, and so once he's latched on I just go back to sleep. Maybe this is something you could try if you're really getting tired from night feeds?

I wouldn't cancel the holiday, that's just stupid. She'll get so tired during the day from all the new sights and sounds that she'll conk out every night.

nothingsoextraordinary · 03/06/2012 18:03

Don't cancel! Even if everything had gone right up to now, it would probably still be falling apart with the 16 week growth spurt. Legendarily the worst.

Shutupanddrive · 03/06/2012 18:05

No don't cancel.
You probably won't want to hear this but ds2 didn't sleep through until he was over 12 months old

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