Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be upset about dh new Facebook 'friend'

65 replies

thatisall · 20/05/2012 01:46

I'm recently married. I'm normally quite a laid back person and when my initial reaction is anger or upset, I try to calm down and assess things before I say or do something I regret. In short, Im not highly strung or prone to over-reaction.

I am also not the jealous type but....today there was a post on Facebook, on my dh's wall from a local strip club, thanking him for the friend request and saying how they hope to see him soon, for some fun with hot girls.

He has commented saying, 'I didn't do this' but only after a couple of his mates 'liked' it, 2 of mine posted sarcastic comments and one a confused comment.

Either way he is and remains hours later, 'friends' with this club. I don't now if it makes any difference but this club is notorious for offering more than a dance too.

I don't know how I feel about strip clubs. Ive always said they don't bother but I suppose in the past I was considering them in the context of Stag parties? Now he's my husband, I feel differently. Im also angry that everyone has seen this, including my family and friends. Im hurt and embarrassed.

He's asleep now, but tomorrow when we of course talk about it, he will say he didn't 'add' them. Is there any other way of them becoming his friend??

Am I being unreasonable to be cross and upset right now? Or is this just something that men do?

OP posts:
LaBellaItaliana · 20/05/2012 01:47

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Mulsanne · 20/05/2012 01:53

yanbu afaik you can't be 'friends' on fb without making the request yourself - I'd be angry if I saw this on my hubby's wall and I've been with him 15 years.

AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 01:57

'Men' do all sorts of stuff, it's up to you whether you're OK with it or not.

It could have genuinely been a mistake, I've seen a couple of threads about fb and google seemingly having minds of their own.

Him not getting rid straight away isn't that bad, I'd wait and see how he reacts tomorrow to decide whether to get wound up about it or not.

I don't think you have any reason to be jealous of a fb website though.

Whitershadeofpale · 20/05/2012 01:58

It doesn't sound like the kind of thing most men out of their teens would like on Facebook whether they've been there or not. It seems more likely that one of his mates have done it as a joke, which would be backed up by his comment on the post. He should have defriended though.

ImBetterThanYou · 20/05/2012 02:01

Labella, WTF?

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:02

Im sure Labella is a weird spam, troll type person lol. Lets just ignore Confused

OP posts:
LaBellaItaliana · 20/05/2012 02:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:04

I had considered that his account could have been hacked, but given that we are newly weds, in fact given that he is in a relationship at all and none of us are kids anymore, it seems very odd that a 'friend' would be irresponsible enough to do that and call it a joke no?

If that is the case, I'll be furious!

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 02:04

'It seems more likely that one of his mates have done it as a joke,'

I thought that too Whiter, grown men can be worse than 12 YOs when it comes to bantering sometimes.

mynameis · 20/05/2012 02:04

LaBella trolling through more than one thread. Yawn. Have reported Biscuit

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:06

mynameis some people?! At least it made me laugh at how pathetic trolls are eh?

OP posts:
LaBellaItaliana · 20/05/2012 02:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:08

LaBellaItaliana congratulations. on your way now

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 02:10

Time for you to log off LaBella going on what you wrote on another thread you've just posted on.

LaBellaItaliana · 20/05/2012 02:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ImBetterThanYou · 20/05/2012 02:12

Thatisall, they must be pretty sad if they've nothing better to do!

Your dp's mates could have recommended him as a friend and then the company could have sent the friend request in which your DP accepted as he wasn't sure who they were? He's not doing it secretly so I wouldn't read too much into it :)

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:13

LaBella nobody cares

OP posts:
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:14

ImBetter I don't now if it is his mates. His mates are my mates and if it is then they're no friend of ours. Ive just had to explain to my Auntie that its a mistake even though I don't know it is and Ive got friends texting saying 'I wouldn't put up with that' arrrggghhhh

OP posts:
mynameis · 20/05/2012 02:18

thatisall I think the joke thing too.
I recently got requests from dating sites which I had no reason to be looking at.
Fbook can be pretty random especially on this new timeline which I have no clue how to use Grin

Birdsgottafly · 20/05/2012 02:20

I find the new FB and the timeline confusing and annoying.

When i have accepted a friend request, the list that FB suggests, which is just a mutual friend list appears as though the people on it have sent a request.

At first i added people by mistake, it was just out of habit of accepting any request.

So it may have been a genuine mistake.

berra · 20/05/2012 02:20

Could he have been added to a group? My friend recently added me to a swapping group on there and I never had to request/approve or it and it just appears on my fb

thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:21

berra no its an actual profile not a group...as in it has a DOB and gender etc

OP posts:
ravenAK · 20/05/2012 02:22

I think you need to tell your dh that he probably shouldn't have strip clubs as facebook friends.

He's obviously agreed to a FB request in a moment of silliness, but presumably he won't want them spamming him constantly with special offers, & he won't be going there to exploit & abuse women, so he'll just delete when you point out to him that it makes him look a bit of a wanker at best.

I don't believe anyone else could've added them for him, tbh, but it doesn't matter either way - it'll take him a couple of clicks to remove.

Leftwingharpie · 20/05/2012 02:23

Are you sure it's a friend and not a group? You can just be added to groups, I'm always having to leave them.

Empusa · 20/05/2012 02:27

^"When i have accepted a friend request, the list that FB suggests, which is just a mutual friend list appears as though the people on it have sent a request.

At first i added people by mistake, it was just out of habit of accepting any request."^

Me too, fucking annoying really. I'm now never sure if someone has actually requested an add, or just been recommended.

Anyway, back to the OP, I'd be annoyed that he hadn't removed them too.