to be upset about dh new Facebook 'friend'

[thatisall]

I'm recently married. I'm normally quite a laid back person and when my initial reaction is anger or upset, I try to calm down and assess things before I say or do something I regret. In short, Im not highly strung or prone to over-reaction.

I am also not the jealous type but....today there was a post on Facebook, on my dh's wall from a local strip club, thanking him for the friend request and saying how they hope to see him soon, for some fun with hot girls.

He has commented saying, 'I didn't do this' but only after a couple of his mates 'liked' it, 2 of mine posted sarcastic comments and one a confused comment.

Either way he is and remains hours later, 'friends' with this club. I don't now if it makes any difference but this club is notorious for offering more than a dance too.

I don't know how I feel about strip clubs. Ive always said they don't bother but I suppose in the past I was considering them in the context of Stag parties? Now he's my husband, I feel differently. Im also angry that everyone has seen this, including my family and friends. Im hurt and embarrassed.

He's asleep now, but tomorrow when we of course talk about it, he will say he didn't 'add' them. Is there any other way of them becoming his friend??

Am I being unreasonable to be cross and upset right now? Or is this just something that men do?

I have had things turn up on my 'business' profile of fb selling cosmetics. They are on my friends list, but I didn't add them or accept them. My personal prfoile has much tighter security, and I have never had this problem. He most likely needs to have a look at his security settings.

well all this came to light while we were at a party last night and dh was quite worse for wear, s I left it for the night and left him to sleep off some of the effects this morning.

He's awake now and although Ive mentioned it, we haven't spoken about it properly. He said he hasn't requested or accepted a friend request and seemed genuinely alarmed at the fact that the same stripper was in the restaurant on Thursday. He said the i-Phone wouldn't allow him to defined and that he will have to do it on the computer but obviously it wasn't at the forefront of his mind when he got home last night (slept in his clothes - men!)

Now he's just not saying anything. If he's being honest the he's probably just embarrassed and wondering how he'll get me to believe him, given the weird coincidence, no?

why dont you just delete facebook from your lives

as far as i know, its not compulsory and seems to encourage paranoia, arguments and anxiety in the insecure, and infidelity and flirting in the unhappy

greenDots we both work in media and we cannot delete it from our lives I'm afraid.

As a rule, we never have problems with insecurities or anything, but I suppose as a rule, this sort of thing never happens.

Could she have slipped him her card/number/facebook details in the restaurant somehow?

What's the name of the club OP?

restaurant was thursday, then on saturday night the club posts on his wall, saying thanks for the add, look forward to seeing you etc.

No she couldn't have slipped him anything (ahem), as we sat down together, they left while we were still eating.

He has now deleted the 'friendship' with the club. He says he's genuinely baffled as to how they became friends, he hasn't added or accepted a request. Doesn't believe his account has been hacked, just thinks it must be some sort of book glitch or spam, but can't say for sure. But as he points out, only a fool would add a strip club as a friend, knowing their wife would see it, their boss would see it etc, which is the case here.

As far as concerns the woman being there and then two days later this happening, he can't explain it. He says he's sorry that Ive been upset but points out that he can't apologise for it per se as he hasn't actually done anything. He says a stripper and her bf happened to be in the same restaurant as us and as he pointed out, he mentioned her then because her appearance did make her stand out amongst the other diners.

Then two days later this happens. We don't live in a huge place, its big enough for that to be weird but not unthinkable IUSWIM

According to one of my friends this club has been spewing promotional information all over the city centre and she says they seem to be on a marketing drive of some sort.

I do believe he's telling the truth.

worra I don't want to give the name of the club as it might be searchable back to this post on hubbies wall, but its the one of three in our town, this one is considered the one that gives extras, but is aimed at younger clientele and stag do groups.

is it unreasonable that Im still annoyed with him??? lol.

Haven't read all of the thread but just wanted to tell you of my (well, my df's) experience of random friends requests.

My df was looking at fb on his phone when he got a notification to say my mam had accePted his friends request, he knew nothing about it and asked me if I'd sent it. I hadn't as I have my own account and df certainly didn't send it. While looking through his friends list he found a lad on there who he doesn't know and considering he was a Russian living in Russia isn't very likely to know. He deleted the Russian man. He realised that they had a friend in common as well as me being a mutual friend of my mam.

Anyway, a few weeks later he's checking fb (not a regular user) and notices another "friend" had accepted his request, this lady was a friend of mil, again he didn't send it so he was pretty pissed of that random people had access to his info/wall so deleted his account.

A company he uses a lot had something on their fb page he was interested in so decided to set up a completely new account when all of a sudden apparently his sister had sent a friends request when his account was literally seconds old. She wasn't even on fb at the time.

I also had a random lady from Birmingham status update appear on My wall.

Sorry it's so long but just wanted to let you know he may honestly not have sent any kind of request to them. Do they have any mutual friends in common?

I think fb is trying to see how far people are willing to let their info be passed about willy nilly without any backlash from us.

I have 10 friends who are 'friends' with this club. Apart from a couple of 'acquaintances' who Im sure love the place lol, the others are DJ's or local bar owners/managers - people who use their Facebook for business etc.

I know he hasn't done it, he wouldn't be that daft. The weirdest thing was the fact that the stripper was in the restaurant. But I get that coincidences happen. Just trying to get over the grrrr feeling....you know the one you get when you have a dream that your dp is cheating and when you wake up you're angry lol