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AIBU?

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Original poster

to be upset about dh new Facebook 'friend'

65 replies

thatisall · 20/05/2012 01:46

I'm recently married. I'm normally quite a laid back person and when my initial reaction is anger or upset, I try to calm down and assess things before I say or do something I regret. In short, Im not highly strung or prone to over-reaction.

I am also not the jealous type but....today there was a post on Facebook, on my dh's wall from a local strip club, thanking him for the friend request and saying how they hope to see him soon, for some fun with hot girls.

He has commented saying, 'I didn't do this' but only after a couple of his mates 'liked' it, 2 of mine posted sarcastic comments and one a confused comment.

Either way he is and remains hours later, 'friends' with this club. I don't now if it makes any difference but this club is notorious for offering more than a dance too.

I don't know how I feel about strip clubs. Ive always said they don't bother but I suppose in the past I was considering them in the context of Stag parties? Now he's my husband, I feel differently. Im also angry that everyone has seen this, including my family and friends. Im hurt and embarrassed.

He's asleep now, but tomorrow when we of course talk about it, he will say he didn't 'add' them. Is there any other way of them becoming his friend??

Am I being unreasonable to be cross and upset right now? Or is this just something that men do?

OP posts:
Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:29

theres something I've missed out. Sorry to drip feed.

we went out for a quick bite on thursday and there was a couple near us. Very blonde, very tanned girl and large guy. dh comments on couple quietly saying there was something odd about the girl. There was only something odd about her in the sense that she had white hair, an extremely dark tan and looked, dare I say, unhealthily thin. We didn't dwell on it and he didn't say anything else.

That same girl is the stripper whose photo is featured on the profile. I thought i was just being paranoid, but I snooped and the girls real name is tagged and believe it or not theres a pic that has been taken of her at the table in the restaurant that day and I am in the background with dh!!

Again surely coincidence.

I have been cheated on before and like I said in my original post, I do tend to second guess my reactions and try not to over-react or allow past experiences to cloud judgement or make me paranoid.

I have no other reason to think that he is anything less than a faithful husband who wouldn't frequent such places or know such women. Surely its a coincidence right?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 02:30

If you're sent a genuine fb friend request you're sent an email aren't you?

Or does that just depend on whether you choose it in your settings?

Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:32

your sent it in friend requests, the little figure on top left. You can't accept by accident, but from what previous posters have said, I suppose you can 'add friends' by accident.

OP posts:
Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:32

tut you're sent it not your. Blooming autocorrect

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 02:34

That is a coincidence.

Empusa · 20/05/2012 02:34

Agent I turned off the notification emails Confused

thatisall That's really strange, I do think that if he was cheating then he probably wouldn't have drawn your attention to her though.

Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:36

he can't be cheating he just can't be

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 20/05/2012 02:45

'or know such women'

I'm sure there's the same chance 'these women' are as nice as any of us and not some lower species.

Can you think of any reason why your DH would point out this woman to you?

That's a bit weird.

And the woman being on the websites photo.

And that you're in the background of a picture of the restaurant.

MummysLittleSunbeams · 20/05/2012 02:45

Oh that's more than a little weird that there was a pic on there & you were in the background with dh. What is going on?

Do you have his fb password, I'm not suggesting you snoop, I'd gladly do it for you though!

Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 02:53

agant didn't mean for it to come across that way. I've no problem with how a person chooses to make their money, none at all, in fact a good friend of mine paid for her PHD by lap dancing!

Its just that this particular establishment is known for offering extras, and so no, I don't want him to know prostitutes

OP posts:
Bertrude · 20/05/2012 04:53

Not sure if unreasonable or not. If he's definitely done it, then YANBU.

However, I had something weird like that happen to my account the other day, someone who was clearly a hooker was suddenly on my friends list and posting very inappropriate things on my wall. Suspended my account, reported it to FB and they confirmed that it was a hack and reset my passwords etc.

So it is possible that its not him. Or maybe his mates could have done the 'friending' via his phone on a night out?

ravenAK · 20/05/2012 05:07

Are you tagged on restaurant photo? Who took the picture?

It's just possible, I suppose, that the adding of dh came from this - if it's a smallish town & whoever took the photo & tagged the other girl, also knows you/dh & tagged one of you - I've had friend ads from people I don't know just because we're both tagged in the same picture (gig or club crowds).

I'd still be pretty clear that I didn't want my dh to be 'friends' with a stripclub - nothing against the women who work there, but not an organisation I want to support (unpleasant & exploitative) & I'd be less than impressed if dh did.

RightBuggerforit · 20/05/2012 05:49

Talk to dh in the morning and ask him to unfriend, should be no problem if he never meant to friend them in the first place. From his mates' reactions I'd suspect it might be one of them did it somehow for a joke, but it is possible to accept a friend request by accident too - my dh has done it on my fb!

BlameItOnTheBogey · 20/05/2012 06:12

I recently sent a message to someone I used to know via Facebook. Def didn't make a friend request and yet Facebook sent them a friend request on my behalf. Is it at all possible he tried to make contact with this woman after you met her at the restaurant and Facebook interpreted it as a friend request? (Although not sure there could be an innocent explanation as to why he would have tried to send her a message.)

Hyperballad · 20/05/2012 06:12

Thatisall, just a little aside from me aimed to make you feel slightly better..........

My DP announced to me last week that his latest client owns a strip club. He will now be in charge of security, and will be able to dial into the CCTV any time from his I-phone.

Que me trying to be the extra chilled about this GF!! Confused

hiveofbees · 20/05/2012 07:03

I had someone accept a friend request when I haveno recollection of making it. I have no idea what happened, as usually even when you do make a request you get a little pop up telling you that you have done it, so even if I had accidently clicked I would have thought I would have had that.

Thats odd for you to be in the picture though Confused Who took it?

MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 20/05/2012 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

chugginalong · 20/05/2012 09:11

That is too weird. Could he have left any personal info at the restaurant? Dropped his card? Hate facebook. Hope you get to the bottom of it all.

Original poster
thatisall · 20/05/2012 10:44

the photo is taken by the womans bf while they're sat at the table, we just happen to be in the background and we aren't tagged. Also they left before us. He's either sent or accepted a request.

OP posts:
GnocchiNineDoors · 20/05/2012 10:48

I think it is odd too. My DH commented on what a colleague of mine had posted on FB and I was Hmm as to how he saw her comment, turns out she is on his friends list. He doesn't know how she got on there, has never met her, but she is still on there.

It is odd and unsettling.

jojane · 20/05/2012 10:51

I somehow had status updates from some weird topless girl, trying to get men to click on her site couldn't defriend it for ages. I think some people if clever can spam you to look like friend updates etc.

WorraLiberty · 20/05/2012 11:03

jojane that's quite a well known Facebook malware/virus that causes that.

If it wasn't for the strange coincidence of the OP and her DH being in the same restaurant and background of the profile pic, I'd say that her DH's computer had picked up the malware/virus too.

But it's just quite bizarre.

chugginalong · 20/05/2012 11:21

Anyone techie know if it's possible to hack in through Bluetooth or through being on the same WiFi?

lazylula · 20/05/2012 11:22

You can request a friend by accident. I did it the other day, a friend of mine had commented on someone's status. I clicked on that person's profil to have a nose (connected by family in a Distant way), a while later they accepted my friendship request which I certainly had not requested intentionally.

BelieveInPink · 20/05/2012 12:38

Yeah FB is a tosser for requesting people by accident. It used to be that you had to click on "add friend" then you had to confirm the request. Now it's one click and I have requested two people lately that I didn't even know. One accepted and thought "WTF is that?" and quickly blocked. I noticed the other one luckily.

So maybe he clicked on the photo of you in the restaurant, or was just being nosey on the profile and requested by accident.