To have walked out of close friend's house

[vannah]

This happened a few wks ago: my closest friend has children has 2 young DCs as do I. Bit of a distance between us so we dont often get to visit. We drove for an hour, arrived to find the room sparse, all toys packed away...kids standing in middle of room not knowing what to do. The mum sat there eating her lunch. My 4yr old stood behind me on the sofa and was repeatedly told off by my friends saying it's dangerous to stand on a sofa...(her shoes were off, she wasn't on the edge) I didn't think it was unsafe and I'm very safety conscious .

Eventually they brought some enormous pink baby Lego down which the children played with for A few mins. My 7 yr old son sat quietly on the sofa next to me, I eventually gave him my mobile to play on, realising that they would not be bringing any toys out other than the baby Lego. The 6 yr old girl stood up and said "I'm going upstairs, come on mummy, " then glared at my daughter who had the notion of going up with her. So off went mother and daughter upstairs...whilst DD sat in my lap, trying not to cry..

She eventually climbs out of my lap and decides to look around the room, her radar homing in on the 'hidden' toys, about 12 food containers behind the sofa with Lego friends...her eyes light up but my friend jumps in and says no she's not allowed to play with those because of the small parts... (their youngest is 2) at which point dd bursts into heavy sobs with her head buried in my chest and won't stop crying or look up. Fed up, I politely inform my friend that we are leaving due to traffic , despite having been there for no more than 40 mins. At that point he says "oh no, she can do the Lego in the other rooms..," but I already have their shoes on.

It's strange, because whenever their daughter comes to our house (she's 6) she opens every cupboard and helps herself to all the toys, goes upstairs whilst her father affectionately calls her little miss nosy Parker. We don't have these issues with school play dates, never seen anyone hiding away ALL toys...

He is my closest friend of more than 20 yrs, its silly that I'm close yet too embarrassed to say why I feel so bad. He sent a MSG to say hope dd ok when we left but since then no communication. Seems awful to damage a friendship over this but I feel so cross. Obviously, wont be taking DCs there again. Am I being unreasonable? Thank you...

Your friend does sound a bit uptight, but also strange that your DD was sobbing just because she couldn't play with some toys. It sounds as if the adults were a bit stressed out and that had an effect on the children.

I can't imagine being in a situation with my close friends where I wouldn't just say that we would like more toys out please. I mean, the situation with not getting toys out sounds weird, but even weirder to me is not just being completely at home in your closest friend's house, and not being able to talk to them.

It all sounds a bit odd tbh. perhaps the mum doesn't like having you all there?

Sounds awful - your poor children. I don't think you were unreasonable to leave, because it clearly wasn't working.

You say that you don't see each other much. Do the children know each other? It sounds a bit like his wife and daughter weren't really up for the visit and everything had got a bit tense before you arrived. I know that I hated having unfamiliar children foisted on me when I was a child - just because our parents were friends didn't mean I wanted them to play with all my stuff. Selfish, yes, but there you are.

Would it be better to try and see your friend from time to time without children present?

If this is out of the ordinary for your friends, I would say you arrived in the middle of a barney.

Don't write them off if this is the case, get over the feeling of awkwardness you have at the prospect of asking him about it.

Some of the things you say are OK between friends, telling your DD to get off the sofa isn't too bad, but it sounds like it's the weird atmosphere that was the problem.

ummmm no child would be welcome to climb on couches in my house, whether or not you think it dangerous, it's disrespectful

perhaps your kids have form for getting loads of toys out and not tidying away - a trashed house isn't nice

I think you ought to arrange to meet at a park next time

All seems a bit strange to me.

Was it a pre planned visit?

You say your friend is a he? Are there issues with his partner and you?

Sounds like there had been some sort of family argument before you arrived, and perhaps the wife is not keen on you maybe?

I do think it very rude when children go into another house and start rooting through cupboards though.

If your friend is a he and you only refer to the mum, where was your friend?

Was the DH (your friend) there at the time?

Yy a barney as agent suggests.
Right it off, if its a one off.

X posted a thousand times there.

That sounds quite strange. However, I would be fuming if a child (particularly an older child) stood on my sofas. I think your friend was making a point re the safety in a an attempt to get your dd down as you weren't telling her to.

Anyway, things didn't go well so I'd try and meet at a neutral venue next time. If there is a next time v

My friend has a friend like this. No toys out, bar the oldest child's Nintendo ds which she played and ignored everyone else. House was cold. Yet the friends children trash my friends house by pulling everything out and leaving the house like a whirl wind has hit it.

Dh's brother is a bit like this. Expect their children to be allowed to run riot in my house, but their house has rules band boundaries. And he wonders why we don't wish to socialise.

Thanks for the replies, good to hear other opinions than my own thoughts. Wife and I get on v well, but I know it's probable there was an argument ... They're not getting on...

Ok, I take the point about the sofas, good to hear that I was OTT there...

I'd be pissed off with kids standing on the sofa you should have stopped that. Do your kids have form for trashing things? I admit I put away a lot of things when one friend comes with her kids as they are terrible for trashing everything. I do leave enough out for play though!

I've got a friend who's little shit ds kicks off if another child plays with his toys, so they hide them when other children come round to avoid a scene. perhaps to same was going on here?

[boggles] at Abbeynumbername

hy

Watch this!

WTF was that Abbey thing?

'It's dangerous to stand on a sofa' is code for 'get your kid off my sofa. Now.'

Is wife a friend or just the DH? maybe she's not keen on his friendship with you.

Whatever -they sound a bit rude and odd, - I would always put toys out to occupy visiting children. - If you're going to meet up again, I do it somewhere other than in each others houses, - less chances for tension and misunderstandings.

Wow, that was the fastest deletion I have ever seen! Quiet night at MNHQ?