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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this was rude

66 replies

letasongcarryyoualong · 19/05/2012 13:45

I am a "big girl" (17 and a half stone at last weigh in) and I know it and I am not "fat and happy" in the slightest, I'm constantly losing 2/3 stone then gaining it again and it makes me miserable.

I do an online shop at Asda every week but today I realised I had forgotten to buy some chocolate buttons which are being used as DS is potty training. So I popped into the local Asda to buy some and a few other bits and bobs. I didn't have the DCs and so was in and out sharpish and used the self service tills.

I then had "unfamiliar item in the bagging area" and the assistant came over to check that nothing had been double bagged or whatever the terminology used is and saw the bag of chocolate buttons (it was one of those large bags with lots of fun sized mini bags in it) and she proceeded to grin at me and said, "Ooh, you like your chocolate, don't you?"

I could have cried, right there and then. She said it so loudly other customers turned and smirked.

AIBU/silly - or was this not on? How would you have felt (assuming you're not a size 8)

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 19/05/2012 13:48

I've been that weight (and bigger, actually) and that would've hurt me. :(

I know it stings whatever the intent, but are you sure it's not that she was commenting solely on the fact you had a big bag of chocolate, and not relating it to your size? I realise the reaction of others here probably means her tone and delivery wasn't too nice though.

AlbertoFrog · 19/05/2012 13:49

I'm betting she'd be mortified if she thought she's upset you. She probably didnt even notice your weight and just made a throwaway comment re the large bag of chocolate. It's the kind of foot in mouth thing I'm very often guilty of.

Sorry you're feeling down but honestly I would't take it personally if I were you.

BonkeyMollocks · 19/05/2012 13:50

YANBU!
She was down right rude. It is no ones business what you put in your shopping bags but yours!

I am a size 14 and trying and failing at the moment to drop a few dress sizes and it would have mode me feel like shit!

It was a very good opportunity to use the ' Did you mean to be so rude? ' remark though!

Don't worry about it too much, some people just don't know when to keep their mouths shut!

BonkeyMollocks · 19/05/2012 13:50

*made

jaquelinehyde · 19/05/2012 13:51

I would have been mortified and really upset.

However, I doubt that the lady was making the connection between the chocolate and physical appearance. She was just commenting on you having a large party bag of chocolate buttons in your shopping.

So no she wasn't being intentionally rude but she should have known better than to comment on anything a customer was buying and if she just couldn't help herself she should have kept her voice down and not announced it to the world.

Tangointhenight · 19/05/2012 13:51

I'm a size 14/16 atm after having a baby (finding baby weight hard to shift) and I'd be mortified if someone said this to me.
In fact I think I would have told her to piss off and mind her own business!

YANBU

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2012 13:51

I'm quite sure she would have said that to any man/woman/child of absolutely any size.

You're probably reading waaaay to much into an innocent, friendly comment.

Noqontrol · 19/05/2012 13:52

YANBU. It sounds pretty rude to me.

candytuft63 · 19/05/2012 13:53

I know you were upset. leta, but I think she was doing the inane "friendly" chatter that she HAS to do.
She just remarked about your shopping (just happened to be chocolate).
If it was a cabbage she would probably have said "ooh, you like your greens, dont you !"

Original poster
letasongcarryyoualong · 19/05/2012 13:53

Thanks for being so nice. TidyDancer I'm honestly not sure, I think she could have been but on the other hand it seems a strange comment to make, the "big shop" consists of lots of fruit and veg (we eat very well as a family but I can't seem to move away from the mindset that at the end of a long hard day what makes it all better is a packet of biscuits and three Magnums) but I can't imagine anybody saying "Ooh, you like your apples, don't you!"

Or perhaps they would, I'm not really sure.

I personally probably wouldn't comment on anybody's food or what they are eating but I can understand if someone has never worried about or struggled with their weight it might not be so easy to realise upsetting someone is so easy.

OP posts:
DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/05/2012 13:54

I'm heavier than I want to be right now and I'd be gutted if someone said that, but I think it's mainly down to my own insecurities because I'm unhappy and think everyone else thinks I'm a fat cow too.

She might not have meant to be rude and upset you at all. It sounds like it was said in a jokey, friendly way rather than a vicious way. Don't let it get you down.

Dinosaurhunter · 19/05/2012 13:54

Yanbu - very insensitive !

Original poster
letasongcarryyoualong · 19/05/2012 13:55

Candytuft Smile crossed post!

I think it was because she looked at me very deliberately, then into the bag, then made the comment, if she had just looked into the bag perhaps not so bad (I'd have still felt like a greedy little girl trying to smuggle too much away from a buffet though.)

OP posts:
NettoSuperstar · 19/05/2012 13:56

That's the kind of utterly inane comment I'd make, just meaning to be friendly and not relating it to your size at all.
Don't let it upset you.

MsWeatherwax · 19/05/2012 13:58

I find it usually helps in these situations to leave an "embarrassed on their behalf" pause while staring blankly at them. If no apology then follow the pause with a tart "EXCUSE me?". It was rude but she may not have done it on purpose, only you can tell as you were there.

Tee2072 · 19/05/2012 14:01

I wouldn't have felt anything except amused! And said 'Yup, sure do!'

You are being a bit sensitive. You are assuming she said it because of your weight and not just because you had some chocolate.

Stop gaining and losing and find a way to lose so you can have more confidence and stop assuming everyone is looking at you. No one is.

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2012 14:02

Just lately on MN, it seems as though shop assistants can't put a foot right.

Imagine working an 8/10hr shift day in, day out with the public and trying to be friendly to everyone you meet.

I defy anyone to not put their foot in it at some point.

buggyRunner · 19/05/2012 14:02

I get comments like that all the time when I go for treats and I am a size 10. Don't be offended- if you bought a load of cleaning stiff she could have said, "spring cleanin?"

Tee2072 · 19/05/2012 14:06

So true worra. They seem to be the 'devil of the moment'.

Spuddybean · 19/05/2012 14:10

Oh dear OP. I think i would have been sensitive and taken that personally too. I don't really like comments like that anyway.

I went to see a stand up show by Richard Herring called 'someone likes yoghurt'. Which was basically about him buying some bits and some yoghurts in a supermarket and the lady at the till saying loudly 'oooh someone likes yoghurt' as if he was a freak. Anyway it was very funny and described how suddenly you feel oddly vulnerable when someone scrutinises your food choices.

TheFlyingFishFinger · 19/05/2012 14:11

Don't take it to heart, I bet she would have said the same to anyone.

Not worth getting upset over a silly comment that I bet was taken in the wrong way and was intended to be light hearted.

Tangointhenight · 19/05/2012 14:12

I used to be a shop assistant and I would never make a comment like this, no matter how skinny or big someone was!

In fact I don't think I ever commented on anyone's shopping, other than to say how lovely the clothes were if how nice the crisps looked...I'd never say 'Ooooooo you must like your crisps'.... some people just dont think but there are genuinely shitty people on the tills in supermarkets too!!

Spartak · 19/05/2012 14:15

Probably part of the Asda's ridiculous talking to the customer policy. I work for them and sometimes have to supervise those self scan checkouts. When approaching a customer we have to make eye contact and say something friendly to them. So she was just doing her job and probably didn't mean anything by it at all.

WorraLiberty · 19/05/2012 14:16

Believe me Tango there are people on MN who could actually find a way of being insulted over you commenting on how nice the clothes or crisps looked.

"Shop assistant 'sneered' and said the clothes looked lovely"

Lots of "YANBU, she's a sarcastic cow"

Really some people will find offence in anything if they look hard enough.

I'm not talking about the OP with this example btw, just the insane way some people can take offence.

Nancy66 · 19/05/2012 14:21

No - she was just being friendly.

You feel sensitive because of your weight.

If you were size 10 and she had said the exact same thing you wouldn't have been offended would you?

I think it was just checkout banter not a dig.

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