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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is this just not on?

63 replies

QuickQuickSloe · 19/05/2012 08:36

my husband is adamant that I am being unreasonable and that my friend did nothing wrong but I really think her behaviour was odd and not a nice way to treat a friend.

I'll throw it open to the MN jury and take your advice!

My best friend (bridesmaid at my wedding, I am god mother to her Dd) changed towards me when I was pregnant and made me feel very excluded.

What really bothered me though was the way she also changed with my DH. Whenever we saw her she would pretty much ignore me but ask my husband what his plans for the evening were, inviting him to the pub and to go clubbing. One day I interjected and said we had planned some family time that night (it was boxing day) but she carried on as if I had said nothing and continued pressing my DH to go out with her. Her own husband would be staying home looking after their two dcs. He didnt go but she sent us both texts all night asking if I was going to allow him to go out.

Two weeks later we were at a leaving party for another friend in a bar about 40 minutes drive from home. She was making me feel like such a drama queen for having morning sickness (which always struck around 10pm) that I went to the toilets to eat some dry crackers from my handbag to try and make myself feel better. On my return they had their backs to me and I could see that she was standing very close to my DH with her hand on his arm. I walked up to them to hear her say that the pub would be closing soon. What did he think about sending me home and they could go on to a wine bar and carry on drinking. My DH said that he would be going home with me.

So, what do you think? My DH insists that she was just asking as a friend as she is a partier and just wanted a partner in crime.

I think that you don't ask your friend's husband to go out with you on the piss, especially when your friend really can't come too?

PS. I don't for one minute think that my husband is untrustworthy, she on the other hand has a poor track record on monogamy.

OP posts:
Babylon1 · 19/05/2012 08:37

And this woman is a friend???

YADefinitelyNBU - she sounds like a nightmare Angry

DawnOfTheDee · 19/05/2012 08:37

Unless they normally hang out together (and it sounds like they don't) she is being weird and inappropriate.

HoneyDragonWearingLederhosen · 19/05/2012 08:38

I don't think she sounds like much of a friend tbh.

Babylon1 · 19/05/2012 08:38

I'd avoid her at all now too, what a cow, honestly Sad

BBisTitanium · 19/05/2012 08:38

Yanbu. Why is she still your friend? She sounds an utter cocksplat!

Glitterkitten24 · 19/05/2012 08:39

YANBU, she doesn't sound like she was really a friend, she sounds horrible!

Pickgo · 19/05/2012 08:39

Yes she's making moves on your DH. A friend she is not... not to mention a lousy person. Avoid.

seeingstars · 19/05/2012 08:40

Big alarm bells. Sorry but I think she is after more than friendship from you DH. Drop her.

fridayfreedom · 19/05/2012 08:41

You don't ask someone else's husband to go clubbing or drinking with you when the other two partners are not going....you just don't!!! YANBU

Oogaballoo · 19/05/2012 08:41

I'd write out exactly what you've put here, but swap him for you and her for a pretend male friend of yours- ask him how he'd feel about it then in a scenario where he's watching someone come on to you.

Hebiegebies · 19/05/2012 08:42

She is not behaving in an appropriate way.

As your friend she shoud understand that while you are pregnant it's hard not to feel well enough to party into the night, to miss the odd drink, to feel less sexy than normal etc

She shoud be supporting you not trying to nick your DH

Avoid

startwig1982 · 19/05/2012 08:42

Hmmm it sounds a bit suspect tbh. Maybe she's a bit lonely and this is her trying to get attention? Possibly stop socialising with her if her behaviour continues like this. At least your DH is having none of it!Smile

QueenEdith · 19/05/2012 08:43

You say a couple of times "she made me feel".

You have these feelings, stop giving her control over them. Tell DH, quite firmly, 'I don't want to see you two snuggled up together again. You might not see a problem with it, but I do'.

Or, to her: 'I said we have plans. If you want to go out alone with my DH, shall I text your DH now and ask him when he can babysit? Then we can all compare diaries and find out what works for all of us.'.

AnneTwacky · 19/05/2012 08:47

I'd cut her off. She's not your friend.

Groovee · 19/05/2012 08:57

She sounds like dh's SIL. Whenever I'm not about she behaves rather oddly, like trying to sit on dh's knee and being all over him. I had surgery and dh took the kids to their swimming lessons and she was there and my then 10 year old told me what she had witnessed. A friend who also went said that dh kept moving and looked very uncomfortable... it is his brother's wife. My friend then said dh told her to stop touching him. DD got in the house before dh and told me and my friend had texted me. DH said it was horrific but how to do tell someone who is being blatently obvious who has a history of throwing tantrums in public.

We have no contact whatsoever now.

Nanny0gg · 19/05/2012 09:00

Your husband is either incredibly naive or he dislikes confrontation.
If you all(and I wouldn't if I were you) ever meet up again and she tries it on, he really needs to publically put her in her place and point out that he is going home with you because he wants to go home with you and most definitely doesn't want to go anywhere with her and she really needs to stop asking. And if she cosies up then he should pointedly move away.
What on earth does her husband think about it?

seeingstars · 19/05/2012 09:01

Or DH likes the attention?

Original poster
QuickQuickSloe · 19/05/2012 09:04

Thank you for so many replies. Queen Edith you are quite right.

We did back away from spending time with her for the remainder of my pregnancy, but my DH is saying I am being juvenile and he misses spending time with them both and their dcs.

The rest of this faintly ridiculous saga probably belongs in relationships but I just needed to know that I wasn't just being hormonal and stupid at the time!

OP posts:
sugarice · 19/05/2012 09:07

She's a Predator and sounds like she's got her eye on your dh. Ask your dh how he'd feel if a man was asking you to carry on drinking and ignoring him. She's a bitch. Yanbu.

ToryLovell · 19/05/2012 09:07

Yanbu. She's not your friend

Nanny0gg · 19/05/2012 09:10

but my DH is saying I am being juvenile and he misses spending time with them both and their dcs. Even though it makes you uncomfortable?

He's enjoying the attention.

Floggingmolly · 19/05/2012 09:11

Drop her like a hot potato, she's not your friend, but obviously wants to be a bit more than a friend to your dh.

You say your husband is completely trustworthy and you may be right, but it would worry me that he either couldn't see how inappropriate this behaviour is, or is determinedly choosing not to. Nip it in the bud now.

HecateTrivia · 19/05/2012 09:11

oh no. She was making a move. and so blatently! Shock

tbh, I don't believe that your husband couldn't see that. Whether he would take the opportunity is another thing, but if he's trying to tell you that he saw nothing wrong with how she behaved, he's either lying or a fool. Maybe he got a huge ego boost from it.

In your shoes, I'd cut her out. If you challenge her on it, no doubt it'll be twisted to make you some unreasonable green eyed monster, even though I'd be sorely tempted to coldly say "How inappropriate of you to be flirting with and touching my husband and attempting to get him to go somewhere alone with you."

But, at the end of the day, she can do nothing more than flirt and suggest. To do anything else requires your husband's participation.

HecateTrivia · 19/05/2012 09:12

So spend time with them both. Where's her husband when she's coming onto yours?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 19/05/2012 09:21

YANBU what an utter cow! (or cocksplat. I like that one).

She seems to be coming on to your DH bigtime. She's blatant enough about it, so much so it's quite embarrassing.

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