To think that a lot of women on MN are married to idiots?

[fluffiphlox]

Bullying idiots.
Cruel idiots.
Mummy's boy idiots.
Unfaithful idiots.
Financially abusive etc.etc.
What were these women thinking? Is this the danger of looking for a sperm donor rather than a life-partner and friend? Some threads even seem to indicate that there were indications before marriage and the women chose to ignore them.
I am being deliberately provocative of course but is there a grain of truth?

Isn't it about balance though, my DH is my world and I love him most of the time but there are times he's a right arse, and idiot, in some rows he has been awful with his comments and squaring up to me (never laid a finger on me though) but we row once a year if that, I also can -ahem be a bitch and yell nasty things at him in the very heat of the moment and bloody well provoking him into squaring up to me when he has tried to leave the room.

I'm not saying it's right and I'm sure at that point in time when I posted everyone would be calling leave the bastard.

However the rest of time our marriage is fab, we like the same things, he cooks, cleans and does all the ironing without moaning and we are extremely happy.

I think all people in relationships can be a bit idiotic now and then and maybe need to step back, but I wouldn't say alot of women are married to idiots.

The thread that i think you are refering to was in relationships and i posted on it myself. i also along with others posted how that person stripped my of my confidence, try seeing a red flag when you do not even trust your own judgements (becaseu you are always in the wrong) is not an easy thing to do and when you do then getting away is not always easy if it was why would so many be there

Yes, choochoo I can see that. But I would also think that as an adult there comes a time when you can stop blaming your past for your present (blaming is not quite the right word there) and take responsibility for your own happiness and not hand that responsibility to a feckless man.

Yes, but it takes a certain realisation to be aware of all that and the 'adult' may not be blaming their past at all - they may just be attracted to a feckless man because that is their normal and it is so deeply ingrained.

I think many women probably do come to that realisation on the relationships board when they hear how far from normal other people think their relationship is. Then they can begin to believe they don't have to live like this any more and they can learn how to take steps to do that - but it's not perhaps as simple as you might believe.

But I would also think that as an adult there comes a time when you can stop blaming your past for your present (blaming is not quite the right word there) and take responsibility for your own happiness and not hand that responsibility to a feckless man.

What a very odd statement. Are you suggesting that these women are unhappy because they have deferred the reponsibility to a man? Or the wrong man? Or they got the wrong man because they weren't responsible for their own happiness? Or, er, what exactly?

I'll probably be accused of cutting and running here but I'm running out of iPad juice and have a few bits to do before close of play. (I'm not at real work, I'm WFH and at this rate there will be no virtual cheque in the post). I will probably stick to Good Housekeeping and Style and Beauty in future and know my limits.

No need to run. AIBU is often like this. Please don't take it personally

Aaaaah, like the Mafia you've sucked me back in. I believe that some people struggle on in an unsuitable relationship, believing that if the other person changes, they (the some people) will become happy. Thus making their happiness contingent on the behaviour of the other person (the feckless man). I've really got to go now otherwise it will be a case of no pay, no eat.

And I'm not taking anything personally eatsbrains honestly I'm not. Nobody knows me, though goodness knows if you know me in RL I've strewn enough information across MN for you to recognise me. :)

Glad to hear you are not taking it personally. Good luck with the work

"I believe that some people struggle on in an unsuitable relationship, believing that if the other person changes, they (the some people) will become happy. Thus making their happiness contingent on the behaviour of the other person (the feckless man)."

I think that the some people may believe that the nice part of the feckless man they initially experienced that sucked them into the relationship will return if they put up with the shit for a while. And the feckless man being an abusive type will be nice again for a while and use that behaviour to control the some people to put up with their shit. Therefore it is actually the feckless man who is making the happiness of the some people contingent on their (feckless man's) behaviour. Confused?!