To find this v irresponsible parenting

[loopyluna]

Yesterday, on the way home from school, we found one of DD1's friends on her way home alone. Ok, the girls are 10 so walking home unaccompanied in itself is fine but I was surprised as it is quite a long way to this girl's house on foot and all along a v busy road.
Anyway, it turns out that the girl's parents had not come to get her from school and her plan was to squeeze through a gap in the garden wall!
Her parents are divorced and dad was supposed to have her. He lives a 10 minute drive away. He had told her mum he had a meeting and couldn't collect child. The mum said she was going away and it wasn't her problem! Neither gave a back up plan to the child :-(

We were just by our house so brought her home, called her dad and the end result, she's still here as he was too busy to come. It's a bank holiday where I live today so we have her all day and her dad had just said he'll call us!

She's no trouble but I'm not impressed. If we hadn't bumped into her yesterday, how long would she have been left in the garden of her mum's house? Noone would have even known she was there. If something had happened on the way home, who would habe raised the alarm?

There is an after school service at school but she thought she wasn't allowed to go. Even my 6 yr old knows that if I was late she should go back in and tell the after school people...
AIBU to be a bit grrr about these parents?

Yes, 70% dad's fault and 30% mum's fault I'd say!

YANU that's shocking, didn't the girl have a key? I'd be having strong words with the girls parents. Good on you for taking her in

poor wee girl

Sounds to me like she's been abandoned by her parents, poor wee thing. I'd call someone with authority, like SS.

Walking home at age 10 is fine.

No-one bothering to pick her up is terrible. A misunderstanding, surely?

The poor child. I'm a bit confused about what happened though - did she have to stay overnight? If she did I would call social services, as the parents have basically left the child with an unknown person overnight. That would count as pretty severe neglect.

Sorry, but fucking awful parenting, the poor girl.

Grr

So the dad didn't bother to collect her and you had her overnight? Or have I read that wrong?

Well presmably the mum was calling the dad's bluff

poor girl.

I think a fair few of us will have been that girl in the middle of rowing parents trying to get one over on one another

To be honest the girl should have gone back into school and told the teachers that no one had collected her especially if she was expecting someone, at 10 she is capable of walking home alone but only if she had been told to.

If shes been with you overnight because parents refused to collect, please call SS, they need to be working with this family.

Where are you OP? And did you have her overnight - I did miss that detail

That is awful,

I do allow my ten year old to walk or cycle home. He also cycles to friends' houses.

I wonder if there has been some confusion. If the ten years old is going to be a latch key kid then she needs a key to let herself in.

I think its shocking that neither parent has come to pick her up. It seems that two parents are far too caught up in their own squabbles to care about their child. The poor child must feel completely and uttely unloved at the moment.

It must be hard to know what to do. If you reported both parents to social services then it would ruin the friendship. I suppose it depends on how long you are prepared to act as a foster parent.

lesstalk - didn't you read the OP? The girl was planning on walking to her mother's house, but her mother was away, so no one would have been there. As it stands it seems like the girl has been in the OP's house overnight already, although that bit isn't really clear.

I'm not upset about her walking home. My 10 year old would walk home alone but DD2 needs picking up too.
It's the lack of concern that annoys me. Basically neither parent wanted to go for her even though they knew that the other couldn't.

I'm not a stranger. We are on chatting terms with both parents but it's pure chance that we bumped into her and brought her home. Her dad just seems relieved to have palmed her off tbh!

I would hope a child being abandoned would come above ruining a friendship.

Did you have her overnight loopy?

I am confused. Why did she not walk to her dads house and wait there? Why did he not pick her up when he finished work? Why does she not have a key for either house?

Both parents sound crap.

Gah, sorry the overnight bit isn't clear.

When we got in I called the dad (thought he'd be frantic having got to school late and discovered daughter missing but no.) He said he was in a meeting, likely to finish v late. I offered to have child for dinner but he said he wouldn't be able to come til after 10 so I said she could sleep over. It's a bank holiday (in France) today so he can't be working but no news yet and we're supposed to be going out!

I hope OP is in the antipodes, and the child is just there late into the evening.
I think it's 100% the father's fault though. It was obviously his day, and I'm sure he uses the girl as a tool to gain power over his ex-p.
Very sad for the girl though.

thats shocking! have you managed to speak to her mother?

Jeez. Yes, you must tell the school. Poor girl :(