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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find this v irresponsible parenting

77 replies

loopyluna · 17/05/2012 08:56

Yesterday, on the way home from school, we found one of DD1's friends on her way home alone. Ok, the girls are 10 so walking home unaccompanied in itself is fine but I was surprised as it is quite a long way to this girl's house on foot and all along a v busy road.
Anyway, it turns out that the girl's parents had not come to get her from school and her plan was to squeeze through a gap in the garden wall!
Her parents are divorced and dad was supposed to have her. He lives a 10 minute drive away. He had told her mum he had a meeting and couldn't collect child. The mum said she was going away and it wasn't her problem! Neither gave a back up plan to the child :-(

We were just by our house so brought her home, called her dad and the end result, she's still here as he was too busy to come. It's a bank holiday where I live today so we have her all day and her dad had just said he'll call us!

She's no trouble but I'm not impressed. If we hadn't bumped into her yesterday, how long would she have been left in the garden of her mum's house? Noone would have even known she was there. If something had happened on the way home, who would habe raised the alarm?

There is an after school service at school but she thought she wasn't allowed to go. Even my 6 yr old knows that if I was late she should go back in and tell the after school people...
AIBU to be a bit grrr about these parents?

OP posts:

CailinDana · 17/05/2012 09:22

That is awful loopy. I can't believe a parent just wouldn't bother picking their child up. If you offered to have her overnight then I suppose he just jumped at the chance of a free night but at this stage they're really taking the piss.

Original poster

loopyluna · 17/05/2012 09:23

Tannhauser, i think the mum is to blame too. She's an adult and must know what her ex is like. She should (imo common sense) have told her DD that if Dad didn't come, she should go back into school and adk someone to call him.

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 17/05/2012 09:24

Poor child. Both parents more concerned about themselves than their daughter.

Good for you for taking her under your wing.

Original poster

loopyluna · 17/05/2012 09:26

Sleepsforwimps, should I call the mum? I think that would come across as stirring/ trouble causing?

OP posts:

ddubsgirl · 17/05/2012 09:26

i would be on phone to school and ss :(

MarthasHarbour · 17/05/2012 09:27

So what would have happened if you hadnt seen her? The poor girl would have been sat in the garden, not knowing what to do

YANBU you definitely did the right thing, i would be talking to the school and your Social Services in France.

Poor thing

MarthasHarbour · 17/05/2012 09:28

i think you shouldnt be worrying about stirring or causing trouble when you have been sole guardian of the mother's daughter overnight.

it is past that point now, as i said - what would have happened? she would have been sat there until gone 10 if he had bothered picking her up.

call the mum - seriously

MiseryBusiness · 17/05/2012 09:29

That is shocking. I am

I would be on the phone to mum and dad and telling them that their daughter is their responsibility and one of them needs to pick her up by X time.
What was she meant to do yesterday?
She was walking back to her mums to go in the garden but Mum wasn't there. Doesn't sound like the Dad gives a fuck where she was.

Poor girl. She was lucky to have bumped into you.

SchoolsNightmare · 17/05/2012 09:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 17/05/2012 09:31

That girl was incredibly lucky to have been spotted by you and not someone else. Neglect like this is what leads to children being abused by people who figure out that they're an easy target.

PatriciaHolm · 17/05/2012 09:35

What would have happened if she had gone back into school but no-one came (or refused) to collect her? In the UK, I'm assuming social services get called eventually; would the same have happened in France?

I would tell school, definitely. At the very least, they can then reassure the girl that if no-one turns up, she should come back in and won't be in any trouble for doing so.

The relaxed attitude of the girl ("just going to squeeze through the wall") suggests to me that this might not be the first time it's happened either. The parents need a short sharp shock to teach them that she isn't some sort of toy they can play double dare with.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 17/05/2012 09:36

So basically if you hadn't sen her walking along alone she'd be sitting in either of the parents' gardens till god knows when one of her parents decided to be responsible and look after their daughter?

Mum might be fed up of dad not pulling his weight (I hope thats the only reason she behaved the way she did- calling his bluff!) but why make her child suffer for the dad's shortcomings?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 17/05/2012 09:38

And yes I'd call SS or at least France's equivilant of SS. Both parents need a kick up the arse. As PatriciaHolm said, itmay not be the first time this little girl has been abandoned. Very, very sad.

Original poster

loopyluna · 17/05/2012 09:42

Update: the dad has just called to ask when I'd like child picking up!
I told him we needed to go out so he said he'd be round in half an hour. I told him about his DD's plans to wait in the garden of her mum's and he seemed to find it hilarious.
Will speak to child about not putting herself in dodgy situations :-(

OP posts:

mumeeee · 17/05/2012 09:43

That is terrible, Call her Dad and tell him he needs to pick his daughter up. I would also phone her Mother to tell her what's happened and let the school know. If you had not found her she might have been in the garden all night.

CailinDana · 17/05/2012 09:47

What do you mean "not putting herself in dodgy situations"? She's already in an extremely dodgy situation - her parents won't look after her.

sleepsforwimps2010 · 17/05/2012 09:49

op if she were my daughter and her father failed to collect her on time, and if she had not been spotted by you,she would have spent the evening in the garden.... I would want to know! as obviously mother needs to come up with a back up plan for the daughter if dad is so irresponsible.

anewyear · 17/05/2012 09:52

I do hope you'll, call hin up on this and give him hell when he finally turns up.
It your right too, for having to look after his child over night (yes I get that you offered)
I would also tell him, if it ever happens again, SS or whatever the equivalent is over, there will be called.

Icelollycraving · 17/05/2012 09:53

IMO you should have called mother last night. I would be having vv strong words with the father (away from the children) & informing him of the fact you will be informing the school.
The child was in very real danger,poor poor girl :(

PooPooInMyToes · 17/05/2012 09:55

She would have been in the garden all night and he thinks that's hilarious?!

PooPooInMyToes · 17/05/2012 09:56

You must inform the school and the mum and ss too.

Are you going to do this?

prettyfly1 · 17/05/2012 09:56

Right loopy, these parents have bought you into this childs life as a responsible adult through very little choice of your own so now you have to act in her best interests. Get on the phone right now to her mother, explain the situation and explain her dads reaction and warn the mother that you have no choice but to call social services. I do agree with you calling them but realistically mum needs the opportunity to deal with it. You havent spoken to her at all so you dont actually know that she said "you deal with it" - you need to give her a chance to act and sort this out.

prettyfly1 · 17/05/2012 09:57

Oh and you definitely need to refuse to let her go with her dad - he clearly doesnt give a shit and god knows where she will be till her mum gets back.

Tryharder · 17/05/2012 09:59

But why should the mother be blamed? The girl was supposed to be staying with her father that night- presumably he has joint custody and is a parent, not a babysitter employed by the mother.

He should have arranged alternative childcare. The mother was right- it wasn't her problem. Unfair for her to be blamed.

MarySA · 17/05/2012 09:59

I think the Mother is at fault too. It is quite obvious the child is a pawn in the middle of two parents. For all the mother knew the Dad could have had an accident. She's no better.

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