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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

bastard bastard bastard bank. HSBC. refrained from using the C word - just.

108 replies

ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2012 22:09

i have an adult son with autism who recently took my bank card and pin and withdrew large sums of money, which has sent us into an unauthorised overdraft.

The HSBC have charged us over £200 in bank charges for this privilege.

It is going to cost over £800 to apply through the court of protection to take control of DS finances as he has no capacity with money, and as well as taking money from us he has got into masses of debt with pay day loan companies etc.

Tonight i rang the HSBC and explained the situation, and explained that the money was taken from our account without our knowledge or consent by our adult autistic son, that we have taken steps to prevent it happening again, and i asked if they could waive any of the charges given the circumstances.

they kept me on hold for ages. really. ages.
then said no.
tough.
pay up

I feel like taking out a bloody loan with another bank, just so i can pay the overdraft off and tell them to fuck off to the far side of fuck, the money grabbing, grasping, bastards.

why, do people just insist on piling on the misery? i dont know whether to laugh or cry to be honest.

OP posts:
Snowboarder · 15/05/2012 22:16

That's rough Vicar, rant away. You'd think that given the circumstances and your son's diminished responsibility that they'd agree to waive the fees? You must be feeling very stressed already just having to deal with this situation (sorting the control of your DSs finances) without a huge fee on top.

Is there any way you can escalate the matter with your bank? Maybe write to the financial ombudsman? At the very least I'd change banks.

TheUnMember · 15/05/2012 22:16

That's awful for you. Been there myself with my own AS daughter. Don't really have anything useful to say. Just wanted to show some solidarity. :(

CHOOGIRL · 15/05/2012 22:16

Sorry for your distress but YABU Banks will always tell you not to keep your PIN with your card to prevent unauthorised access to your account.

Hope you sort things out with your son.

TheUnMember · 15/05/2012 22:19

You don't have to keep your PIN with your card. They stand very close to you and watch everything you do and take in all the details. They'll figure out what it is eventually.

ToothbrushThief · 15/05/2012 22:21

Any chance of an appeal Vicar?

I've occasionally had a brush off but after persevering on something like this have been mor successful. Sounds very stressful whatever.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2012 22:22

i did not keep my pin with my card.

he is very intelligent but not so clever with money - he thinks it all monopoly money and there will always be more.

He once wrote a computer programme which linked his phone sim card to my bank account (the number he had memorised) so that whenever his PAYG phone got to 50p or less it topped up automatically.

he drained my bank account.

this time he just took my card and withdrew cash. I had no idea until we got letters from the bank and i phoned them, put 2 and 2 together and confronted him.
he admitted it straight away.
still hasnt got a clue what all the fuss is about. Sad
i am on anti depressants for the first time ever because i just cannot cope. and to top it all off, i have a driving test for work tomorrow.

OP posts:
CHOOGIRL · 15/05/2012 22:26

OK if you didn't have the PIN written down go into the branch (not the phone where they usually have a script) explain to the situation to the manager calmly and he/she will usually be sympathetic. Is it just the charges you want refunded or the money which your son took?

Good luck with your test.

TheUnMember · 15/05/2012 22:26

OMG! My daughter did exactly the same with the phone. Emptied the bank account within days. Phoning 'friends' in Japan and Australia.

Things have got a bit better with her, although still not good, since she had CBT. Would that help him?

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2012 22:30

just wanted them to waive the charges, which i cannot afford, for me, that is 3 months savings.

ive had enough. i dont feel able to go cap in hand to the bank in person, and i dont set foot into the branch because they always try to sell something.

ill just suck it up. and when i can, i will move banks. it will take a while, but i will do it and i will remember this.

id better go to bed. i feel like no matter what i do, just as i am trying to get back on my feet, something comes straight back to knock me off them again.

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 15/05/2012 22:30

I work for a bank vicar. Not hsbc or I'd sort it straight away for you!

Concentrate on your test tomorrow....

Then go into the branch and ask to speak to the manager to make a complaint. If you meet someone compassionate (like me!) then they'll do. You'll be able to gauge quite quickly.

Explain your case and don't be fobbed off.

The ombudsman will take your side here but you do need to exhaust the internal procedures before the ombudsman will look at it and I pretty much guarantee they'll side with you.

I recall reading your other posts. They won't or at least shouldn't want to lose your business.

Good luck x

VelmaDaphne · 15/05/2012 22:31

Don't accept this. Write to the most senior person you can find, copy it to your MP, and mention words like "discrimination", "compassion" and "ethos of the banking world".

Different situation entirely but when DS2 was born DS1 was going to nursery one day a week. The nursery claimed for it as he qualified for the free hours. Being a single parent I struggled to get DS1 to nursery as early as I used to, so when the nursery were audited it looked as if they'd been claiming fraudulently for hours I wasn't using. Education authority said I had to pay back the funded hours. I begged and pleaded on the phone to various people and got nowhere. So I wrote an impassioned letter to the top, saying they were discriminating against me as a struggling single parent, and that this surely wasn't part of the ethos of the funding scheme. I got a reply the next day saying they were waive the charges.

I know it's different bit it just illustrates how goi to the top and using emotive language can make a difference. They don't want hassle and publicity, and this kind of money is peanuts to bug banks, so I'm sure you could get it waived.

jazzchickens · 15/05/2012 22:34

I think it is worth putting a complaint in writing and threatening to go to the financial ombudsman.

You have nothing to lose and I think that banks respond better to letters.

It sounds like yours were exceptional circumstances and they sound heartless.

DS1 had nearly £300 of bank charges for going 50p overdrawn. He didn't realise and it was charges on top of charges. The letters were coming here and not to his university address. He used advice from the link below and wrote a letter saying the charges were disproportionate and he was going to go to the ombudsman. He got all his fees back (even though they said they were in the right to charge them - which I suppose they were).

here

Good luck x

cocobongo · 15/05/2012 22:35

point to note- the ombudsman charges banks £500 for each case they look at. so it is in the bank's interest to settle with you rather than for you to escalate to the ombudsman. so go through the appropriate internal complaints process and you may get them to make a goodwill gesture to waive the charges. if not, escalate to the ombudsman- will only cost you the price of a stamp.

jazzchickens · 15/05/2012 22:35

X posts with many

slow typist Smile

VelmaDaphne · 15/05/2012 22:35

Stupid iPad.

Last paragraph should say it's different but it just illustrates how going to the top.....
And peanuts to big banks not bug banks!

ToothbrushThief · 15/05/2012 22:38

Vicar - sorry you are feeling so down -you're a great poster and offer lots of great advice. Wish I could offer you some now. Best I can manage is take it one challenge at a time. Do your test. Then tackle the bank. Any chance someone else will act for you? I recognise that weariness at tackling the mountains in life.

Hope you slept(sleep) well.

seeingstars · 15/05/2012 22:38

How did he get the pin? I do feel for you but the bank are in the right. Sorry.

seeingstars · 15/05/2012 22:40

Its shit though. Sad

maras2 · 15/05/2012 22:46

Sorry for your troubles Vic.Best of luck for tomorrow. Mx.

Original poster
ThatVikRinA22 · 15/05/2012 22:52

yes its shit. i feel like giving up the ghost completely sometimes. life cant always be like this can it? ive had this for 20 years. i was 19 when i had him and for all of my adult life i have had to deal with this, fight his corner every step of the way, LEA meetings, deal with every appointment, every professional, every school meeting, everything, and suddenly, i feel like i dont want to anymore. i feel like i am the butt of some huge cosmic joke. This isnt the half of it but the rest i cant even bear to think about let alone post about. i got a phone call last week about him that left me feeling like someone has just physically punched me in the stomach. sorry to be cryptic but i cant quite bring myself to talk about that one.

but the bank are right. yes. technically they are right. morally they are bastards.

i need to sleep so i should go and try.

OP posts:
SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 15/05/2012 22:54

seeingstars do you have DC? They stand beside you. Want to push the buttons. It's only a matter of time before they know the 4 digit number!

seeingstars · 15/05/2012 22:54

I'm sorry OP, you are having a really shit time. Sad Try and get some sleep.

PoorAudreyHorseface · 15/05/2012 22:55

Read the bloody thread, seeingstars, and try and be a bit more supportive Angry

Aribura · 15/05/2012 22:55

Don't blame them at all to be honest. It's like when parents complain their kids spent £300 on Smurfberries on your iPad. Maybe they did. That's not the company's. fault. They might refund the money as a nice gesture but it's not their "moral obligation" to do it at all.

seeingstars · 15/05/2012 22:55

I'm not arguing the toss, the money was taken with a card and pin number so really the OP is liable. Sad however she is clearly having a really shit time and for that I'm sorry. Sad