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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish i could have punched this woman in the face..

76 replies

MummySunshine · 15/05/2012 18:24

Went to a kiddies birthday party with 7 week old DS and was sat with someone's MIL who is a strain at the best of times..

Comments included
'Your baby's feet are too cold you know'
'That won't keep the sun out of his eyes..why didn't you bring a better hat?'
'He's spit up quite a lot hasn't he? You should probably feed him less'

But what really got my back up was her asking me loudly infront of a room full of people I don't know, 'is the father involved?'
I am a single mum, but I am a 21 year old woman not some teenager that got knocked up. I see this woman once a year if I'm unlucky so AIBU to think it was totally inappropriate and rude for her to ask me that in that way?! Grrr!

(I answered a quick yes and carried on my conversation fwiw)

OP posts:
Safmellow · 15/05/2012 18:43

I don't think you are unreasonable for wanting to punch her, that's different from actually doing it. I've wanted to punch colleagues before but obviously restrained myself :).

The thing is once you have a baby everyone in the world thinks they have a right to comment and question you. You will get mad in the beginning, but soon realise it is a complete waste of energy and smile at them whilst ignoring whatever they say.

I am a single mum and one of the comments I got was 'How did that happen?'. I just said 'Fancy getting to your time of life and not knowing the facts of life!'

ScarlettAlexandra · 15/05/2012 18:44

just nod agree and walk away thinking whatever you like.

yabu for wanting to punch her, as others hsve said everyone has a opinion on your children when you have them

note to self not to take critisism to heart and take my own advice

Original poster
MummySunshine · 15/05/2012 18:44

Apologies - I definitely didn't word the teenager comment the way I should have/intended to

OP posts:
Original poster
MummySunshine · 15/05/2012 18:44

Apologies - I definitely didn't word the teenager comment the way I should have/intended to

OP posts:
LadyBabsFlashesHerFanjo · 15/05/2012 18:45

I was also a "knocked up teenager" many moons ago - thanks

LowFlyingBirds · 15/05/2012 18:46

I dunno, seem to be in a minority of one.
I would be pissed off with the cold feet/ hat/ feeding comments because there is criticism in there but the question about the dad was just nosiness imo. And nosiness doesnt bother me, nobody can make you disclose info you dont want to, very easy to sidestep.
I assume others think theres implied criticism in the question, Im a LP and dont....

usualsuspect · 15/05/2012 18:46

Why do posters assume it was an old lady? Mil does not always mean old

LowFlyingBirds · 15/05/2012 18:47

See how easy it is to cause offence, op?
Feeling sorry for the old lady yet? Grin

Portofino · 15/05/2012 18:48

I don't agree that it is reasonable to want to punch people either - if you were a young dad being asked probing questions, I bet everyone would be up in arms.....

Sposh · 15/05/2012 18:48

Probably because my MIL is a pensioner. I could, in theory, be a MIL myself in the next year (never going to happen because she'd have to run off to gretna because I'm not giving my permission).

Comic effect in essence, if you're asking about my pension book comment.

LowFlyingBirds · 15/05/2012 18:49

Cosold ladies are nosy?

LRDtheFeministDragon · 15/05/2012 18:49

I don't think there is a difference between a 21 year old and a teenager either.

But I can imagine that it stings when you are a young mum faced with people who do judge young mums. I know the OP has now explained and apologised for her phrasing, but I did want to say, I could very much understand where she was coming from. When you come across people who are judgmental, it is really hard not to adopt their own biased terminology when you try to explain you're not like that.

I was a 'knocked up' 18 year old, btw, and I can completely see why the OP might react against what this woman was saying, even if she expressed it in a way that wasn't the best.

Milngavie · 15/05/2012 18:49

I too was a "knocked up teenager" and I was only 2 years younger than you are now!

SoftKittyWarmKitty · 15/05/2012 18:49

Just thank your lucky stars she's not your MIL! I'm also a single parent and hate the 'is the father around/involved' question, mainly because he isn't, which means they often then ask why not the nosey fuckers . I think 'why do you need to know?' is a great answer and I'm planning to use it at the earliest opportunity. Grin

Hippymum89 · 15/05/2012 18:50

I would have kicked her in the shins and told her to MYOFB ha hahahahahahaha.
(In my head) Wink

Get0rfMoiLand · 15/05/2012 18:50

I was a knocked up teenager as well - donkeys years ago.

Thing is - wthout wanting to sound like a moralistic wanker - you didn't mean to insult teenage mothers wholesale when you wrote your OP but your words got peoples backs up. Same as this woman - she may not have intended to piss you off and possibly thought she was just being friendly and didn't mean to make you angry.

She could be an idiot though, there are loads of them out there.

Thing is you are a young mother - you will get loads of comments. It isn't particularly nice but is probably best for your own sanity to rise above it.

usualsuspect · 15/05/2012 18:51

The ageism on MN really pisses me off

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 15/05/2012 18:52

Yabu to not know that titles with 'punch someone' always get hoiky bosomed cats bum responses.
I frequently want to punch people and I think the fact that I don't actually do it makes me a better human being than those that never get the urge
Innit?
So anyhow nah yanbu

Sposh · 15/05/2012 18:53

Seeing as how I don't see myself as any kind of spring chicken I would have to say that any ageism on my part was self deprecating, not an insult to a generation.

Debeez · 15/05/2012 18:54

Come one usualsuspect everyone knows you have your babies between the ages of 25-29! :o

Original poster
MummySunshine · 15/05/2012 18:55

Thanks so much LRD, it definitely came across the wrong way!!

Said lady isn't old - middle aged.

And I guess my point is, at 21 I could be married as a few of my friends are. If I were 15 of course I couldn't be. If I were 35 would she ask me if the dad was around? I doubt she would have. Either way it would be none of her business but I felt humiliated that she highlighted my situation infront of a room full of strangers.

OP posts:
BillyBollyBandy · 15/05/2012 18:56

Very rude and I would be very cross at someone asking that. I was equally annoyed when someone asked if dd1 was an accident when I was pregnant.

Why would you ask people these things?!!

UnChartered · 15/05/2012 18:56

are you embarrassed at being a single parent then, OP?

UnChartered · 15/05/2012 18:57

because if you're not, then you're going to need to grow a thicker skin - wait 'til the Daily Mail mob get a hold of you Hmm

shockers · 15/05/2012 18:57

It was my MIL wasn't it? I'm sorry, she means well.....Grin