how can i help my daughter get over her aversion to open mouth chewers? (blatantly not an AIBU!)

[bejeezus]

7 yo dd has come home, more often than not recently, with her packed lunch barely nibbled. She complains that if she sits next to someone, who eats with their mouth open, it makes her feel sick and she cant eat her dinner!

Nobody likes it much do they, but what can you do? Ive told her to just look in the other direction, but she said once shes seen/heard it, her stomach is turned and she cant eat.

Shes inherited this bloody fussiness off her dad im gutsy and NOTHING puts me off my food

there is not much to her and her appetite is not good at the best of times. She really cant afford not to eat from breakfast until tea time.

Loads of kids eat with their mouth open; what can i do?

I can't stand it either. I also had anorexia. I'm afraid I really think it's worth addressing any & all food-related issues with masses of compassion, patience and wisdom, even if it feels OTT for the problem. We live in an eating-disordered society, which can really get a grip through any vulnerabilities.

Like shockers, I learned to zone out (basically, ignore) table habits that repulse me. It's a necessary life skill The headphones are a good idea, though not long-term as that is also poor manners! She'll need to learn to look at a speaker's eyes if they're talking with their mouth full, hear their words not their chomping, etc. Selective blanking will stand her in good stead through life!

I have never heard of this condition and I am amazed because in addition to being anorexc and having real difficulties wit other kids eating with mouths open I also have very sensitive ears...a bump or bang can sort of hurt...a siren on the street causes me to cover my ears and I look around and nobody else seems uncomfortable!

oh dear--i need to have a look at anorexia dont I? can a 7 year old be getting anorexia??/ (sorry, dont even know if you 'get' anorexia- is it brought on as a response to something?)

shes always been a funny eater- she isnt fussy in that she is adventurous and will try anything..but

• she has a tiny tiny appetite (and she is very tall and thin) shes just weird about her food- she will pick through it inspecting it carefully-each mouthfull, if she comes across something-i dont know-gristle on a piece of meat, or some dangly cooked coriander for example-thats the end of it-she wont eat another mouthful. She is repulsed and will be physically gagging. Not always at every meal is she like this. Oh, she got upset the other day because her beans were touching her bacon-wouldnt eat anything*. I didnt think this kind of thing was unusual in kids though is it?? she does* go on about not wanting to get fat, more than i would have thought a 7 yo would do. I thought it was just because grandma is a bit fat, and my tummy is ahem, well wobbley

No no no...I am NOT saying that really...only that some children are more succeptible but I am NOT a doctor and really....I'm being vry silly to even talk about all that...I know bugger all. Only my own story and for every person who hates to see others eat and has an eating disorder, there will be another two who don't.

I suggest that you have a word with her teacher DONT mention anorexia...only that she's being funny about her food as some of the other kids manners are putting her off...that's perfectly normal.

MANY kids are funny about beans not touching other foods...MANY kids dont like gristle etc.

Might be an idea to help her see it all more positively...baking cakes together perhaps?

If her weight is within normal then don't stress...many 7 year old's are beanpoles...in my DDs class about half of the girls have shot up this year and half havent...

I do feel for her it's a really visceral reaction, I cannot be in the same room as Dp when he eats an apple, honestly it makes me ragey, he is also scrape scrape scrape with his knife and fork at mealtimes which goes through me so much, even the dc's aren't so annoying.

I think distraction techniques are they way to go as she can't just remove herself at will, ear plugs or headphones in the short term might really help.

With the summer coming up it might not be so bad, at dc's school the children often eat packed lunches in the playground/field when the weather permits, maybe you could suggest this?

We do loads of baking and cooking together-she helps with tea most days. She enjoys that-just doesn't like eating it!

But, not always-shes eaten loads tonight. And she might eat lots for days on end...probably just really in tune with her body??

Ok, not going to worry about AN

It does sound like you could use some advice from your gp or whatnot, I don't think the preoccupation with getting fat at that age is entirely normal. I am in no way suggesting she could be on the way to anorexia, maybe she has taken some of the school led nutritional advice to heart, they can be very very heavy handed and overly simplistic in the "this food good" "this food bad" stakes.

Also I would discourage the gagging thing, imo it's just as rude as open mouth eating. I had a friend who was funnily enough also odd about food, she used to do this over theatrical gagging a LOT. Honestly unless you are literally on the verge of puking, it's attention seeking and yuck. (Sorry that may just be me, but it's another thing that makes me stabby )

But she is on the verge of being sick

She is completely right. I can't stand it either. Can you ask the teacher to remind the kids of their manners?

I wouldnt worry about an E D bejeezus but if she is funny with food i would be worried , D1 is funny with food she hated textures and "wet food" as a younger girl she is much better now still a bit fussy though , is your daughter uptight about other things I think My dd has OCD she says so herself but wont go to the gp but she does get really stressed if things aren't just so ,

I dont think she is uptight mrsjay but ill think on it a bit more. She is funny about germs- she wont share a cup of water with me for example, in case we swap germs That is probably very correct and normal? But I am very unconcerned with germs e.g. I follow the 2 minute 10 second rule; you can eat the food you have dropped on the floor, as long as you pick it up within 10 seconds

I stayed with her at breakfast club today (as I do when I havent got to rush off to work) I didnt do it in order to spy, but I was more aware after starting this thread. When we had got our breakfast from the canteen, she stood for ages tray in hand choosing which table to sit at. I got impatient and just sat at the emptiest table. She protested and I told her she had spent too long dilly-dallying and she should just sit down and eat her food. She sat down but I could see that she was close to tears (hadnt occured to me what the problem was) I asked her what was wrong and she whispered that 1 of the girls at the table was eating with her mouth open. So we moved to the teachers table. So--she had stood surveying the dining hall, checking out who was eating nicely so she could decide where to sit!! (i felt awful that I had been impatient with her)

I paid attention then to how the children were eating. I have to say most of them had beautiful table manners. There wasnt too much slurping and nom-noming at all. So it shouldnt be too hard, with the teachers co-operation, to get her seated where she is happy to eat?

I talked to her about ear plugs. She said yes please. But she also said she thinks she is put off more by the 'sight' than the 'sound'. So maybe not misophonia but she is seriously put off her food

My dd 9 eats with her mouth open due to a severe underbite, she cant close her mouth and eat, maybe i should ask the school to sit her alone in a corner facing a wall so she doesnt put anyone off her lunch.

claimed its not a personal attack on your child

Im just trying to ensure my dd gets to eat her lunch without being sick

It is off putting for people to see people eating with their mouth open, whether that person can help it or not

My issue with sounds came on when I was around six (I am 26 now) with the sound of my mums jaw clicking when she ate this then went on to include other sounds. It looks like it is inherited or maybe learned behavior my mum is the same with sound, it is a relativity 'new' condition but one that is becoming more recognised.

There are many many sounds that make me uncomfortable to the point of anger, whistling, gum chewing, eating, tapping, even the sound of someone talking in another room. Unfortunately my triggers are so bad that because the anger is often internalised I have to let in out and I bite my fingers/hands and now have the skin of a rhino on my hands.

I have never had a problem with eating per se, as in I will eat anything just not with other people, if I am with other people and there is no other noise (t.v or radio) I will tend to just be able to concentrate on the sound they are making and I will not eat because I feel so uncomfortable that I cant.

Misophonia is generally about sounds and sometimes actions, so if I saw someone chomping I would sometimes mimic them in a very childish way.

Go to your gp, chances are that they have never heard of Misophonia, it is also known as Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, SSSS and phonophobia. So it may be worth printing some stuff from the internet.

HTH

Bejeezus - I do think you ought to look deeper into this, I don't think it is normal 7 year old behaviour. Especially with all the other food issues she has.

I know its not a personal attack, im just letting you see what it is like from the opposite of your dds problem, i give my child easy to eat foods so shes not sitting there chewing for ages, I have made sure she is comfortable and confident to eat in front of others as she knows the way she eats is rude and slightly disgusting but she is grounded enough to deal with it.

Your dd cant spend the rest of her life getting pandered to she needs to learn to deal with her issues and overcome this.

i dont care why your child or any other child eats with their mouth open

I am not pandering to her; I am trying to help her overcome it

Claimed of coruse she needs to deal with it but shes 7 and needs help to do so.

For so many years I have been told that I am weird ok so maybe I am, because of my reaction to noisy eaters (and breathers too, but that's a whole other story). Parents were like pigs at the trough, even my husband and dss's become ferral animals at meal times. I physically can not eat when near a noisy, open mouth chewer, it is as if my throat closes over. I am a slow eater, so I choose to eat in another room to my husband and dss's. My dd's have no issues with food despite mother claiming I would pass my weirdness on to them and eat perfectly normally.

I would do as others have suggested and ask whether your dd could sit with the teachers (assuming their table manners are better than the childrens).

I'm in my late twenties and I still feel very ill and nauseous when people eat with mouths open (whether they can help it or not). It's part of my noise sensitivity, and I do wear earplugs to combat it or I go and sit somewhere else.

it is as if my throat closes over
YY wine, that is how I would describe it, on her behalf

thanks frownie that is helpful

Haven't read the whole thread but had similar with my DS around the same age. He started regularly throwing up his lunch at school because a couple of children on his table had 'squidgey boogie noses'.

What was worse was that the school was automatically call me and ask me to take him home, then keep him off for 48 hours in case it was a sickness bug! After the first couple of times I spoke to his teacher and the lunch time supervisors and made them realise that it was other childrens' snot and not a bug that was making him throw up .

The lunch time supervisor and I came up with a system where if DS saw anything vomit-inducing, he could put his hand up and ask to move to another table, or if he was already feeling a bit sick, he could leave the room, have a glass of water & get some air, then come back when he felt ok. Just knowing he had an agreed 'escape route' seemed to help no end and the problem went away pretty much after that.

Thank you for this thread bejeezus. My husband is like this - he physically cannot bear it if people make "mouth noises" or "food noises" near him. I have always been dreadfully unsympathetic but thanks to this thread and reading more about it, I realise he cannot help it and will be much more empathic in future.

I think it is lovely that you are being so caring and understanding with your daughter and not just telling her to get over it.

oh gawd bad flump that makes me feel a bit sick myself. Its encouraging to know school are sympathetic though

outsidein I had no idea there would be such a response to this thread- i thought people would just say -meh, she'll have to get over it

I can see that she cant though- you can tell with your kids cant you, if they are just pulling a fast one. SHe is an independant, robust, assertive type of character- she is not 'delicate' in other ways; which is maybe why I have taken notice of this. Also, she really really cant afford not to eat.

I have remembered since starting this thread that I did take her to GP about her weight a few months ago-she is within normal so thats good. But her weight is on a very low percentile whilst her height is way off the top of the percentiles (she is not white british though-I have been warned that percentiles are based on WB kids and arent actually so relevant if you are not) anyway-bit of a ramble-im sure GP took that in to account-and deemed her healthy height/weight