Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my Grandma should leave me and DB something in her will?

95 replies

Cockapoo · 14/05/2012 21:05

Ok I realise I am probably being unreasonable here!

Basically my Grandma has recently changed her will to split half of everything between my mum and her brother. She had previously written my mum out of it because she didn't like her boyfriend, but when they split up after 14 years she was 'reinstated'.

My Mum went with her to change it and asked my Grandma to leave her half to my brother and I as my Mum is very well off. My Brother's family and my own are really struggling financially since the recession and still haven't managed to get on the housing ladder.

OP posts:
cheeseandpineapple · 14/05/2012 22:48

If OP's mother is wealthy, makes sense for her to pass over her inheritance from her mum in favour of her children, to avoid or limit inheritance tax.

Didn't read anywhere that OP is wishing her granny dead or that she asked to be written into the will. It's granny who's brought up subject of changing her will.

To some extent, governments rely on people finding this a vulgar subject so they don't do proper tax planning. All depends on value of the estate but in the future, if I ever have the choice, I'd want to leave what I could for any grandchildren if I thought they needed it (assuming my kids were financially secure by then because chances are the younger generation will need it more if times are as tough as they are now) and possibly for tax planning depending on value of what was going to be passed on.

I think if the subject of will changing hadn't come up in first place by granny, would be a bit crass for OP or her mum to suggest a change of beneficiary but I don't think that's what happened here.

Of course, granny could spend it all in her lifetime which is totally fine if she does but most parents want to have something to pass on. Good to be open about it so long as it doesn't get political, can be a fine line, though.

Noqontrol · 14/05/2012 22:48

YABVU. It's up to your gran who she leaves her money to. I'm sorry that you are struggling, but it's not nice to expect people to leave you money when they die. Personally I'd rather have my gran alive, wish both my grans were.

onetoomanytoo · 14/05/2012 22:52

my mum passed away last year, and i knew that i was the sole heir in her will, apart from small bequests to each of her grandchildren, but by god, i spent her last few years encouraging her to spend her money ( "my inheritance", hate that phrase) on herself, and she did, she had cruises, a car, and things for her home that made her life easier. that was mum's money, she had worked very hard for it, she had the right to spend it on herself.

heres the thing, i could have done with that money, but i wouldn't have dreamed of asking for it, it was mum's money, to spend, and ultimately to leave as she saw fit.

all that said, i would still much rather have my mum, would give all the money in the world to have her back,

OP, your post is distasteful in the extreme.

Adversecamber · 14/05/2012 22:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mumeeee · 14/05/2012 23:46

YABU. Your Grandmother can leave her money to whoever she likes. My late FIL left most of his money to DH. DH then gave some of it to each of our DDs. You mother can do the same.

OurPlanetNeptune · 14/05/2012 23:55

I hope your granny lives many decades more and spends all her money living it up. That is what I wish for my grandparents.

exoticfruits · 15/05/2012 09:04

Exactly OPN- get her to go off on exotic holidays and enjoy life

HecateTrivia · 15/05/2012 09:08

It's her money and she can do what she likes with it.

There is no such thing as an 'inheritance' when the person who owns the stuff is still alive. At that point, it's called "Their Stuff"

tbh, if she's playing "I'll Cut You Out", then it's really best to say that you don't want anything. That sort of do what I tell you or I'll disinherit you shit is revolting.

When she's gone, and an inheritance actually exists, your mum can - assuming she hasn't been cut out again - do what she likes with it.

Until then, it's your gran's money and nobody else gets a say.

TandB · 15/05/2012 09:13

Yuck yuck yuck, OP.

I know someone who constantly talked about what they would do with their wealthy granmother's money when she died "soon".

She lived for a good number of years and left everything tied up in trusts. Probably because she knew her grandchild was practically salivating at the thought of getting their hands on her money.

JayelleBee · 15/05/2012 09:15

YABU. In cases like this I always hope the person leaves all their dosh to the RLNI or another worthy charity.

People are so greedy.

marriednotdead · 15/05/2012 09:27

Where is the OP now????

Longdistance · 15/05/2012 09:27

Do you see your grandma often? Do you help her out? Or is she the old lady you go to see on special occassions?
The reason I ask this, is that if you are the latter, I'd think you were just money grabbing. If you see her lots, and she really is in your life, then maybe it would have been nice, but hey ho. It is up to her.
My dbro best friend helped out an older gentleman he knew from the Free masons. They became very good friends over the years, and he rarely saw any of his family, even though he was a batchelor, he had nephews. Towarda the end of his life, he ended up in a care home, as my dbro friend became his power of attorny. He then passed away, and left everything to my dbro's friend, to the dismay of his money grabbing nephews, who in all the time he knew this chap (10 years), had only met the nephews the once Angry The nephews never contested the will. So my dbro friend was left everything.
This was a very recent event.

Lovelynewboots · 15/05/2012 09:31

Having seen first hand the utter misery this kind of attitude brings YABVVU.

HateBeingCantDoUpMyJeans · 15/05/2012 09:36

Best hope she pops off soon then Hmm

When my man went all I wanted was a pack of her playing cards as it was something we used to do together when I was little.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 15/05/2012 09:39

Your Grandmother is not a bank. She is a living person.

Who knows depending on circumstances the money may well end up being paid to care for her in old age.

Or will you do that OP?

samandi · 15/05/2012 09:39

YABVU and very weird.

Mosman · 15/05/2012 09:40

Most people need family help to get on the housing ladder these days.

If we don't want our children counting down the days until their lives can begin upon inheriting our cash then we need to do something about them being able to afford a family home of their own on their own hard earned salaries.

I bet nobody is willing to sell their own house for under the so called market rate for the greater good though are they ?

lurkerspeaks · 15/05/2012 09:54

I have a degree of sympathy but think your OP was worded in an unfortunate manner.

There is a always a degree of squeamish-ness on MN about 'inheritance' threads. However a degree of pragmatism is needed in these situations to minimise tax...

Personally I don't see the problem in skipping a generation if the previous generation don't need the money and that is in fact the model that inheritance tax planning within my family has taken....that branch of my family though are supremely pragmatic and very tight so keen to minimise taxation as far as possible. However, not everyone feels the same way. My Mother for example, appears to be sabotaging my Father's attempt to plan the dissolution of their estate by refusing to be open about her financial position and it is driving him bonkers. Especially as she is the one in poor health. She didn't even have a will until 2 years ago which considering I have much younger siblings seemed foolhardy.

Yankeecandlequeen · 15/05/2012 10:20

Its entirely up to your mum whether she gives you her share of you're granny's estate.

But for fuck sakes show some respect. I lost my granny 2 months ago & find myself in a position to have inherited a 1/3 of her estate to be shared to with my brother.

But do you know what? I'd give it all up to have her back in my like. And more importantly? To have my own mother alive as this is the very reason that we have inherited from nana as it was mam's share.

So you should never ever wish them dead & you're very very selfish.

Yankeecandlequeen · 15/05/2012 10:22

oh and to add! The only think I took from her house when clearing up? A Yorkshire Tea caddy off her window sill. The only thing. I have fond memories of it. Those are the best things.

The rest of the family (who sound very much like the OP) grabbed what the could to make cash.

cheeseandpineapple · 15/05/2012 11:39

Have I missed something, where does OP wish her grandmother to be dead??

Get a grip, she's not suggesting topping her grandmother to get the cash!

She's raised a practical point. Sadly, inevitably, rightly, wrongly, people die, it's the only thing that's utterly guaranteed in life along with taxes.

Totally feel for those of you who have lost close family members. Material stuff does not replace people, don't think anyone's saying that anywhere.

Lovelynewboots · 15/05/2012 13:41

The trouble is cheeseandpineapple there are many of us who have seen a very ugly side to relatives when things don't go their way in a will. It may be practical for those who think its the fair way to do things, but a will should remain just that. Your last will and testemant.

Mrsjay · 15/05/2012 13:48

your gran is still alive she may live for a long while yet , you could wait a while for money , she sounds quite erm i hate this word but controlling and money orientated cutting your mum out then putting her back in , and you sound money minded too , maybe your mum will give you some of her money when her mum pops her clogs but she doesnt have to give you anything ,

DuchessofHaphazard · 15/05/2012 13:50

Yes, YABU, it's your grandmother's money to leave to who she wishes.

On a purely practical point however, if the money is left to your mum and she really wants it to go to you and your brother, you can apply for a variation of the will after death anyway. See here and here for more.

PorkyandBess · 15/05/2012 13:54

Wow. I feel uncomfortable reading the op and I don't even know you.

Yes, YABU.