or is my sister?

[iwannabewizbit]

i have a shite relationship with my sister at the best of times, so i may be being the U one, but i wanted to check!
dsis is pregnant, and i said yesterday that oh and i cant wait to be auntie and uncle to the baby.
she then says that baby will not be calling my oh ( married 8 yrs, been together 12) uncle as my children do not call her husband uncle. my children are 5, 8 and 13. and she has only b een with her oh 3 yrs, married 1 yr.
so my chidren havent started calling him Uncle as he is very new in their lives.
are me and my oh being U wanting to be auntie and uncle when her husband is not called uncle by our children?

He's not that new in their lives, it's a bit hurtful for him not to be acknowledged as uncle just because he wasn't married to their aunt before they were born. Surely your aunt's husband is your uncle.

Yes, I think you are being unreasonable, I'm afraid. She's married to him! He IS their uncle. How many years must they be married in your opinion before he can be called uncle?

I could understand it if it was Uncle January, Uncle February, Uncle March... but this is her husband.

I realise this is clearly a symptom of the problems between you and your sister, but you did ask who was being unreasonable on the 'uncle' issue, and I think it's you.

Don't make this a big thing. You and your dh will be auntie and uncle to the baby just by dint of your relationship to them. You can sign cards auntie iwanna and uncle wizbit and refer to yourself as auntie and uncle.

What you can't do really is influence what the child calls you. I get called auntie suzi sometimes by my nephew, but mostly just my first name. Doesn't stop me being his aunt.

YABU to
Demand your husband
Be called uncle when you don't extend her husband the same Courtesy.

New in their lives? 3 years!!!

YANBU about being called uncle and auntie but YABU not calling her other half uncle. 3 yrs is long enough. One of my nieces was 13 when I met DH and she calls him uncle. We used to make a joke of it as she was a bit older, e.g. she'd say 'John', I'd say 'that's UNCLE John to you (his name isn't really John). Your sisters partner is your Uncle, so long as DCs don't have a different Uncle every month

When my uncle had girl friends (he was at uni when I first met him) we always called them aunt. I can remember 2 of them with fond memories-and it didn't make me love the one he married any less.

Your dc should have started calling him uncle the day he married your dsis as that's what he is.
Although your dsis is also being a little petty, she does have a point

This is all very petty, They are both uncles.

YABU.

they have been married 1 yr. not 3. they met at uni so we have only known him for about 18 months, before that we only knew of him.

my other sister isnt married but her boyf has been around 5 yrs, so my 2 younger kids call him uncle.
the littlist one copies the older 2, and the eldest is not going to start calling her husband uncle when he met him when he was well over 10 yrs old.
i cant force them to call him uncle. they have to make that choice.
but she is saying she wont allow my husband to be know as or called by uncle.

I hate being called aunt/auntie.

I agree with your sister. Her DH is your children's uncle whether they've been married 10 years, 1 year or a week.

I've been with DH 2 years and married for 5 weeks and I am Auntie to his brothers daughter.

YABVU

Cant stand the auntie uncle thing, feels clunky and awkward so i only ever use first names regardless. I can't see why it matters tbh.

Sounds very petty to be getting upset about.
Also sounds odd not to be calling her husband Uncle.

don't think it matters how long they've been married now-a-days if they're living together as a couple.

to me and oh its not about being called auntie and uncle, i am just desperate to have a niece or nephew! i have a great relationship with my aunts and uncles, and i want to try to have that with their children.
when she called to say she was pregnant, i said ''im so pleased i get to be an auntie, and oh gets to be an uncle!!'' she said ''you will be auntie but hes not an uncle, X,Y and Z dont call my husband uncle so yours wont bet this ones uncle''
mine might not call him uncle but he is their uncle.
but she wants to stop my oh being call uncle by the baby or being refered to as uncle to her child at all.

If you think that it's important for a sister's partner/husband to be referred to as "uncle", then you should understand why your sister would like her dh to be known as "uncle".

If you think it's not important then you really shouldn't have a problem with your own dh not being "uncle".

YOU can still call your sister's husband 'your uncle x' when you talk to your kids... i think it's weird not to use that title at all...

Anyway, your husband and your sisters husbands are uncles, whether you or your sis want them to be or not so everyone can use the term 'uncle x'

her oh is know as their uncle.
i say going to see auntie x and uncle y or whatever, they just dont call him uncle y.
if they write him a card they put uncle y.
they just dont say it.
and thats mainly cause eldest one met him 18 months ago as y. then got used to him being y for 6 months and feels weird to now startt calling him uncle y.

What a ridiculous thing to argue about. I don't understand what the length of time you've been in a relationship/marriage has anything to do with it. When do you think your brother-in-law will become an uncle to your children? On their 5 year anniversary, 10 years?

Often family friends get called Auntie or Uncle, because it's friendly and seems less impertinent than calling an adult by just their first name. I think a permanent partner certainly qualifies for the title.

My sister insists that her partner isn't an uncle to my children, and that my DH isn't an uncle to hers, because they're not a blood relative . I don't know why people get themselves wrapped up in knots over something so simple.

I think it sounds like your poor mother has a hell of a time and both of you need your heads together. THey are children and partners not barbies and kens - the pair of you need to grow up A LOT. What sort of example is that to set. You're as bad as each other and I suspect banging your heads together (meptaphorically of course) would do a great deal more good then siding with either of you in a petty and juvenile debate.

oh right, its an ''I want my cake and to eat it too'' thread...

Well its clearly been an issue for your Sis and Bil so you should understand the upset really, they are clearly offended and following your lead. If i were her I would take it as though you feel my relationship is of less importance than yours, and being a bit of a cow i'll get you back and make it quite clear my relationship is just as valid. just a thought.

he is their uncle.
i see him as being their uncle.
they dont call him uncle. i cant force my 13 yr old to call him uncle.
she is refusing to acknowledge my husband as their childs uncle becuase mine dont call her husband uncle Y.
thats the bit thats annoying me and i find U.

You can force them. You say "13yroldiwannabewizbiot" you need to address x as uncle please, as they are a married couple and it is a matter of respect. It is important to teach teenagers respect and your job to do it. She isnt refusing to acknowledge him as such, she is spiting you because she feels hurt.