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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

999 replies

Shelby2010 · 13/05/2012 22:40

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

OP posts:
iMoniker · 14/05/2012 01:03

*Fire.
*Accident - falling out of bed and hitting their head.
*Wandering off - imagine if your child got out of the room - the horror of an 18 month old wandering the corridors of a hotel crying for Mummy Sad.
*The least likely scenario is kidnapping - tell that to the McCanns though.

Seriously - do not do this. Imagine how awful you'd feel if something happened and you weren't there.

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 01:25

What I am still failing to understand is why some people think that they can change their lives by having a baby but still try to not let it change their lives!

You are now a parent therefore your child comes first, not your "adult time" andif you cant do that then you shouldnt have become a parent in the first place. If you marriage wont survive without "adult time" on a two week holiday once a year then it was never going to survive anyway. Yes its nice, but its not essential and your child safety and security must always come first. i am Shock that anyone would not see that.

Btw, the you/your was not aimed at the OP who has made her (sensible imo) decision.

Longdistance · 14/05/2012 01:28

Throw lo in2 a buggy. Cover with blanket. Night night!

minimisschief · 14/05/2012 01:32

bogeyface that is a load of wank sorry. adult time is just as important to the relationship as the kids are. everyone needs time to themselves and everyone needs time with their partners and time with their kids.

Which is why people are happy to take turns dumping kids on their partners and hiring strangers to look after them for couple time.

Ample · 14/05/2012 01:34

I wouldn't. At any age.

bogeyface · 14/05/2012 01:38

Utter utter bollocks

Its just another made up first world problem from people who are so self obsessed that they cant conceive that they and their needs are not the most important thing in the world.

WeeDom · 14/05/2012 01:54

tl;dr: OP, they warn about leaving valuables, yes. They're covering their insurers by doing that. They're not suggesting that the hotel itself is a hotbed of pirates (aaaar!!!) or that it may be riddled by predatory paedophiles. Relax, use the facilities you've paid for (they wouldn't put them in place if they weren't useful or increasing business). Enjoy the wedding. Chances are good that you'll want to go to sleep before your child, if you let him/her join in the dancing!

----------

Longer version, at risk of being a sermon:

"I wouldn't want random maintenance men/maids/room service people having access to my sleeping child." - from edwinbear.

That statement terrifies me. Do you really think that the world is populated by lurking child snatchers? Is that the world in which you want to bring up your children? Is that the world in which I should bring up my children? This isn't Chitty-chitty-bang-bang Bulgaria...

I would, and have, and will again, leave my children in a hotel room whilst I enjoy "adult time". I've done this since my youngest was about 11 months old. I have used listening services, where available. Where listening services weren't available, I've exercised my judgement and checked on them every half hour or so.

Teaching your children that every unknown adult is a live threat to their safety is a very, very dangerous thing - for your child, and for society as a whole.

It's also detrimental to you - how can one go through life, healthily, whilst believing that every stranger you might meet is a potential threat to you and your children?

I'd argue that leaving your child in a hotel room whilst you do "adult time" is actually doing them a favour. Sleeping in unfamiliar surroundings at a very young age will give them massive benefits when it comes to, say, their first Beavers/Cubs sleep-over. The home-sick kids will be sobbing at Owl at 10pm, whilst yours will be sound asleep, not caring a jot that he doesn't have his mummy/daddy/favourite-furry-friend to hand, and getting up in the morning to kick ass at murder ball (or whatever boisterous game they haven't yet banned).

Teaching them that anywhere which isn't "home" requires mummy/daddy/sitter to stand guard over them against the hoards of potential paedophiles, some employed by the owners of the building which you took them to sleep in - how does that help the child develop into the well developed adult which, ultimately, it is our job to help them to be?

kittyandthefontanelles · 14/05/2012 02:16

"Do you really think that the world is populated by lurking child snatchers?"- Noone suggested this extreme, exaggerated opinion. Are you suggesting such people and therefore such risks don't exist?

MrsBranestawm · 14/05/2012 02:36

Good post Weedom.

I am astonished at the levels of anxiety and fear on this thread.

MumPaula · 14/05/2012 02:44

Well I will have to tell what happened to me. I was 7 and we went to Spain for two weeks, I was put to bed and was asleep when my parents went out, I woke in the dark turned on the lights and entertained myself and managed to electrocute myself in the process of playing with a lamp. I lay shivering/feeling sick and crappy for what seemed like forever to me. When the family got back later I was asleep with all lights on totally freaked out my mother who would let me stay up till all hours on holiday after that. She could have got back to a dead 7 year old. I was never really afraid of strangers and didn't see paedo's round every corner. Safety is my main concern.

gingerchick · 14/05/2012 02:47

I cannot understand how anyone can think this a good idea! You have a responsibility for your children and your child's needs should come before your own. Period

NovackNGood · 14/05/2012 02:50

Well said Weedom

hairytale · 14/05/2012 02:53

Listen to the partcof your brain thatade you ask and don't do it!!!

HolyCameraConfusionBatman · 14/05/2012 03:21

I see what you're saying Weedom, but even if the chance of your DC being abducted, abused or killed in their bed is 1 in 100,000,000 why take the chance when you can so easily avoid it? Get a babysitter or let them sleep in the pram it's really, really easy and straightforward. The Maccans relaxed, enjoyed the facilities they'd paid for, kept any fear or anxiety about their children's safety to a minimum. I bet you they really wish they hadn't.

'Teaching your children that every unknown adult is a live threat to their safety is a very, very dangerous thing - for your child, and for society as a whole'

That's true, but has absolutely nothing to do with leaving an 18 month old in a hotel room.

'The home-sick kids will be sobbing at Owl at 10pm, whilst yours will be sound asleep, not caring a jot that he doesn't have his mummy/daddy/favourite-furry-friend to hand'

Is there evidence to suggest that children who don't suffer homesickness are the ones left alone in hotel rooms? I really don't think so!

'Teaching them that anywhere which isn't "home" requires mummy/daddy/sitter to stand guard over them against the hoards of potential paedophiles'

True, but again nothing whatsoever to do with this thread!

There are not only two options 1) constantly tell your DC's that everyone is a paedophile and stand over them while they sleep or 2) leave them alone and unsupervised in a hotel room, there is a middle ground!

RaisinBoys · 14/05/2012 03:32

you wouldn't leave your handbag

Alligatorpie · 14/05/2012 05:18

I agree Holly.

I wouldn't leave dd either. Put her in a stroller and bring her with you. We have done this many many times with dd when traveling. Never occurred to me to leave her in a hotel alone.

Do you leave her home alone when you go out?

ComradeJing · 14/05/2012 05:50

I don't see paedos on every corner but I was sexually assaulted in a hotel room by a hotel worker when I was 10 when my parents were at dinner. I didn't tell my parents. I'm fine, it is not an issue but it is possible and it does happen.

kittyandthefontanelles · 14/05/2012 05:55

I think the OP made her decision a few pages ago

kittyandthefontanelles · 14/05/2012 05:56

I'm sorry about what happened to you comrade.

maddening · 14/05/2012 06:33

at my sisters wedding they hired a nany/bwbysitter for the evening for her son. Ask the hotek they should have people they can recommend.

maddening · 14/05/2012 06:40

ps I'd hire a baby sitter if going out for a meal at home too so don't see why not in a hotel and you can relax without having to check every 30 mins.

Also - depends how loud the hotel is with the wedding in full swing - if your room is in the wrong place then the noise might wake your dc

MsPaperbackWriter · 14/05/2012 06:55

It always amazes me how people try to justify their selfish actions by saying patents need adult time and the absurd suggestion that it's good for a child/baby to be left alone in a hotel room... Words fail me.

Agree with bogeyface and others who say if you choose to have kids put their needs/safety first ffs. Put baby in a pram, let older ones stay up a bit later etc.

madmouse · 14/05/2012 07:04

She's a baby. In a big hotel room that other people have access to. And it's a listening service not a babysitter. No one will there with her. It only takes a few moments for something to happen. I wouldn't in a year of Sundays. But after the childhood I've had myself I think I'm very pfb.

AllOverIt · 14/05/2012 07:19

I realise that you made your decision OP, but I also wouldn't do it. At my sister's wedding, kiddies stayed up until 8.30, then best friend came and say with them til we came to bed....

Chandon · 14/05/2012 07:27

I have done it, it was abroad as well. The hotel was set up around a court yard and the room we were in faced the courtyard, with view on the door, so we would have seen anyone going in.

but it all depends on the hotel. For example, is it remote and secluded or in the middle of town?

I have also hired baby sitters through the hotel, to just sit with the baby and watch TV until we returned.