To leave Dd alone in hotel room?

[Shelby2010]

More of a WWYD really. We are going to be staying with Dd (18mths) in a hotel next month on holiday & then overnight for a wedding in July. How safe do MNetters feel it is to leave their sleeping DC in the room with either the listening service or a normal baby monitor while eating in the hotel restaurant or attending an evening reception?

Am I being very PFB to worry about how many members of staff could access the room (especially with programable card keys)? The fact that hotels do offer a listening service suggests that many parents are ok with this. I'm torn between thinking I'm paranoid and thinking that they always tell you not to leave valuables in you room except in the safe..... Help!

No it is not.

Letting kids go on school trips is beneficial to them, I understand that. Going for a meal with your dh benefits only the two of you.

But then so does getting a job when you financially don't need one. So does going out and getting a babysitter that doesn't have CRB checks or references. So does putting your child into pre-school so that you can have a few hours each day to yourself.

All purely selfish decisions and all not without risk.

But those selfish activities are presumably ok.

siryz you wont leave your child alone with a moniter in place but you do leave her with a trusted babysitter, most of the times children are hurt or molested etc its by someone the family trusts or even a family memeber, so that is a risk. i do it myself we have a very good MALE friend from uni who is a big part of ours and childrens lives, there is no way in a million years he would ever harm the children ever! but lots of people are shocked that we use a male babysitter!

we will of course always beat ourselves up with guilt if something bad happens to our children, so if your trusted baby sitter turns out to be an abuser i would assume you would do to, but you thought you were doing the safe thing, we all do, no one is better than the other, life inherintly has risk you are not prepared to leave a child close by in another room at a hotel with a baby moniter i am. you use a tried and trusted babysitter, which i also do, but we are both taking a risk by doing so.

i remember a pub i went to in my student days that had a baby moniter sat on the bar, it was because the couple who owned the pub lived above it so there two young children would be asleep upstairs whilst they worked in the evenings, it worked for them or is that unsafe as well and what else should they have done, kept the baby asleep in a pram everynight?

My concern would be for my child's feelings if they woke up TBH. How long would they be alone crying and how up sat would they be. Mine would have been worse from about 3 years to 6 years. He'd have been alright at 18 months. However I was never happy leaving him out of earshot even at home. I was quite happy to leave him every Friday night with my mum so I could go to the pub though. Selfish and controlling!

nothingoldcanstay - yes no doubt you would be called selfish by some posters on here for wanting time away from your baby.

As for the child crying. Again, many monitors are extremely sound sensitive so you would hear them stir and if you are in a noisy place, many of them also have lights that stay on green as your baby breaths and turns to orange and then red should noises louder than that of your child breathing, are detected.

Others monitor the baby's breathing and should the breathing stop or the pattern change, lights will flash or an alarm will sound.

Other monitors have a video cam so that you can see the baby. In fact all you really need is to set up your laptop to look on the baby and hook up your phone to the laptop so that you can see the baby the whole time.

You can negate most risks this way.

Unless family/friends looked after my DS it was a no-no. I've never left him alone in a room, due to what nothinggold has just said in that I couldn't bear the though of him waking up alone without a friendly face near by. Let alone anything else that could happen.

Children are portable and it doesn't mean you can't have fun. If I went to a reception etc. (where kids were welcome obviously) DS was there with me throughout tucked up in his push chair. He loved it and once asleep that was it, nothing could wake him.

MissFaversham, not all children are as obliging as your ds.

The thing with statistics, is that old Chaos theory; you never think something will happen to you, because your life is just too ordinary, your ambitions underwhelming, your cautionary nature, your disbelief in scaremongering, then you walk outside to post a letter and a speeding car smashes into you at 50pmh and your kids are orphaned in less than 3 seconds.

With children comes responsibility.
It isn't responsible to leave them alone with a falllible mechanism such as monitor, alarm or listening device. Only another human presence will do.
Personally, I would take my child along in a reclining pushchair. And if they are too antsy and won't settle, well you just sacrifice your evening's enjoyment, there will be other times :)

Madeleine McCann is a lesson to us all and it is a slight on her memory to flippantly cast aside that lesson.

TheRhubarb, I never said they were, I just said what I used to do.

Again, why bring the McCanns up when it's not at all relevant? They were not in a hotel for one and they did not use a listening device.

As my links show challen, your child is more at risk from those safe human beings. Monitors can't abuse your child but people can. Even trusted family members, even professional CRB checked female nursery managers, even teachers.

I would far rather place my trust in technology than a fallible human being. You wouldn't. Fair enough.

You could also say that it's a slight on the memories of children who have suffered at the hands of abusive babysitters to be so flippant about using sitters. But you don't say that do you? You pick on the rarest, most unlikeliest thing to happen to your child and hold that aloft as some kind of example, some kind of guilt trip.

I'm asking for common sense. And to respect each other's choices.

Not goading fathersham. Just replying and pointing out the obvious.

I think I'm entitled after all the crap that's been spouted about selfish and neglectful parents.

But I'm off to watch ds play footie now so you can relax and post in peace without me reminding you of the other side of the argument

Haven't read the whole thread so may be repeating previous comments but we have left our DD in hotel rooms with monitor on our table during dinner (so away for 1-2 hours but checking on her every 20 mins or so) because we felt more comfortable doing that than using a babysitting service which involved a complete stranger sitting in our hotel room with our daughter! I am amazed when parents who are usually so protective of their children go away and are happy for people they have never met to babysit their kids. For one, I'd rather my DD woke up and cried for the 5 mins it took to get back to our room than woke up and saw a stranger sitting in the dark - she'd be terrified! With a monitor I can hear every movement. With a stranger babysitting I have no idea what they are up to. The fire danger is the biggest concern though.

just basically repeated rhubard

I can totally get where you're coming from Bewler but for me it's a fire and door issue. How do you know that the child is secure? How do you know for certain that no-one will enter the room?

That's why I always kept my DS with me. If tired/ratty I'd just wheel him around for while until he dropped off.

Bewler I wouldnt do either. Without someone I know to look after Ds I would be with him. Simple to me!

Yes, agree the thought of there being a fire and not being able to get back to the hotel is utterly terrifying. But the risk of someone entering a room without me hearing on the monitor (long range, digital and so sensitive I can hear DD snore on other side of the room!) is negligible. If she had been a baby who would settle in a pram I would have kept her with us but she likes her bed and sleeps well and I always thought it was mean to bring her to a noisy restaurant while we ate dinner when all she wanted was to be in bed. Still, one of my friends was horrified that we had done this but I admit I'm horrified at prospect of random (or even regularly used) babysitters. Our parents babysit DD but no-one else. Yes awful things happen when you leave children alone as Maddie McCann illustrates (although no monitor which was unbelievable) but the atrocious behaviour of the staff in that nursery in Portsmouth shows what can happen at the hands of "trusted" adults too.

I just wanted to say this will be only my third and last post on MN. I cannot be a part of a site that is advocating something so dangerous, selfish and neglectful as to leave a young child or baby unattended in a hotel room with countless dangers. I feel this site has a responsibility to promote safe and healthy parenting and is failing miserably because they are allowing these posts. If someone where undecided in doing this the posts from encouraging mothers on here saying "it's fine I have done it" could be enough to make them think this is ok to do. If something where to happen to that child then I could never forgive myself for even being a part of a site where people are encouraging it.
To all of you who have done this, you have been very lucky do far that your children are safe and it's only luck, just like bad luck if something bad were to happen. However you have control over this, it's a risk do why take it? Are your children really worth taking such a risk over do you can enjoy yourself?
To those still undecided, please think very hard about this it may not be illegal yet, but it should be, many things are not illegal and we still know they are wrong.
I really can't be a part of this site it goes against everything I believe in. I think MN HQ should think twice about what they are allowing to be posted on this site, it's potentially very dangerous advice on this post. I really pray this does not lead to a child being harmed by someone taking this advice

Also please excuse the spelling as I'm on my iPhone

This is a FORUM. It's not a parenting bible fgs. MN aren't responsible for your parenting choices. Is anyone stupid enough to think that everything that gets said on here has to be endorsed by MNHQ?! Also, this is AIBU, what would be the point of a discussion if all the posts on one side were deleted incase someone thought it actually was safe to say, strap their baby to the roof rack rather than put them in an expensive car seat.

Oh dear, AndyPandy

This is only one example of where you won't agree with others' parenting choices

Come join me on a thread where both parents smoke weed everynight when caring for their children

Come join me on another where one partner is shagging around and the other is willing to pretend it isn't happening

Or another where one partner is smacking the other around in front of the kids

Another where one is smacking said kids and the other doesn't stop them

It's a big bad world out there. How do you live in it ?

Hear hear, Easilybored.

Bye andypandy. People aren't all as easily led as you think.

It isn't an either/ or situation- unknown babysitter versus leaving children unattended.

It's simple. If you cannot get supervision or are not happy with the safety of a babysitter, then you don't go out.

We chose to have children. If it means our social lives are curtailed then that's tough. You can't always have what you want no matter how tired/stressed/in need of a night out we are.

Bloody irresponsible, self centred to put a mere night out before doing the right thing by your children. And the argument that children 'need' parents who are refreshed from regular nights out together is self serving nonsense.

Totally agree AndyPandy, its not a thing people should be endorsing and i hope op doesn't go ahead with doing it after reading that most of the posters that are for it.
I think what is truely disturbing is that so many people think its ok

I doubt very much that anybody who already disagreed with leaving your chlildren alone in a hotel room, would be swayed onto the "dark side" by this thread

Read the title as leaving DH in a hotel room on his own. I was about to say it was risky as he would have to try everything on his head, push any button he could find, and break anything mechanical.